Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

Should I get a lawyer involved in this matter?

Hello all,

A few days after my 19th birthday, I found out that I was adopted at five days old by my grandmother. I know I was adopted into the family, but it doesn't change the amount of shock I was in.

Basically, I went through life thinking my birth mother, was my older sister. She had a fling with my biological father when she was my age, and became pregnant as a result.

She gave me away because her boyfriend at the time (now her husband), told her to get rid of me, because I wasn't his biologically. Bear in mind, he had kids with an ex wife when he met my birth mother.

So, she picked him over me and got rid of me. But then again, there were clues, from what I was told, that showed she wanted me. (Got a room decorated for me, bought things ready for my arrival, etc). I was even told that she did want me, until it was time for me to be born.

After finding out last week, I have been trying to get in contact with child services/social services, for my records, and to see if there is any way for me to contact her, or talk to her under a controlled environment to get her side of the story. (Child services were involved as she smoked when she was pregnant with me, and around me as a baby, as well as not feeding me and claiming I wouldn't drink my bottles).

Social services have been of no help. They fob me off and tell me they will get someone to give me a call back. I must have contacted them four times or more, and they always say the same thing. Nobody ever calls me back, I give them my mobile number every-time I call, and I leave my phone on. I explained the situation to them, but still of no help. They transfer me to access to records, only to be told nobody's available. I've sent an email, as they suggested that, and still heard nothing.

I don't want to go to court or anything, but would a lawyer be able to assist in this matter?

MikeSp · 56-60, M
In cases like this, always speak with a lawyer first. They can save you lots of time. See a family attorney that specializes in adoptions. Most will give you a free 30 minute consultation. Even if you don't hire him/her, you will learn some things. By speaking with them first, they will be able to get records from anywhere if they are available. They know the bureaucrats that fobbed you off and they respect attornys. As you found out, some don't respect the citizenry and will waste your time until you give up. Good luck.
I think it's great that you want to ask your birth-mother for the answers.

It is possible that she didn't have a professional nurse help to establish breast-feeding - often tricky with first time mothers.
Or it's possible that she got a shock when you were born, discovering that mothering responsibilities were harder than she could cope with. Some people are still not mature at 18-21.
Or she may have had post-natal depression.

I would try going to the social services office in person. It makes it much harder for them to fob you off.
I think a lawyer might be too expensive and probably not necessary at this stage.
You could try a commercial service like
If you know where your birth mother lives, you could pick a company that operates in the same state.
Ynotisay · M
I'm not sure what a lawyer could do as there doesn't seem to be a legal component to this. They may be able to assist in sharing the laws around contact with a biological parent though. I would think accessing medical records would be covered under some type of law.

But just to toss this out there, her decision had nothing to do with you as a person. It was about a child that she realized she couldn't raise or was in a place where it was in your best interest to have a different situation. You had nothing to do with it.

Good luck.
WishfulCreations · 22-25, F
@Ynotisay I get that, and she did tell a lawyer one time that she gave me away because she knew I would be looked after well, but she went and got pregnant with another child a year later. She currently has four kids, five including me.
Ynotisay · M
@WishfulCreations Well, if that's the case I'm pretty certain that she's felt an enormous amount of pain and guilt over the years. Maybe she's at a place where she can't face herself. You're clearly a sharp person so I'm thinking it might have worked out in your best interest.
Good luck with it.
jenmil · 22-25, F
From what I know in most cases the mother gave up the baby because she wanted s better life for it than she could give
KaiserSolze · 46-50, F
Your biological mother is your adopted older sister but you don't know where she is?
WishfulCreations · 22-25, F
@KaiserSolze She used to live five minutes away from me but she's moved to another area now to live as a single parent. Where that is, I don't know. Nobody knows. She just went one day.
Ajz59852 · 36-40, M
Speak to a lawyer

Post Comment