I Need Advice

Alright, everyone. I have the best bestest best friend in the entire world and am so freaking grateful of his existence and role in my life.
I approached him after school today, (we go to different schools, so he's let out later than me. So I approached him as he walked past my house.) and said that I needed to tell him something. He was like, "Okay, what's up?" and I spilled the beans. I told him that I let it slip at the barn that he's bisexual and that I was honestly really sorry. I didn't blame it on anyone else, I told him exactly that it was my fault and I opened my big mouth and told people he didn't even know about his sexuality, something that should stay private. I had closed my eyes at one point while I was apologizing, and when I opened them, he started laughing.
Then, he said: "I really don't care."
Then I talked with him, and after he made fun of my outfit (neon green track pants, dark blue t-shirt, and a grey sweater. These are my comfy clothes, I still don't see what's wrong...) he told me that he honestly didn't care. I explained that I thought he would hate me for doing this, and he laughed at my panicking, and then gave me a hug.
I have the best best friend in the entire world. 🤗
Thank you all for your great advice.

And no offense was taken. My point, when I said she is young, was that, hopefully we become less insecure, less impulsive, less thoughtless as we mature. She isn't proud of what she did. I'm sure she would take it back if she could, but she can't. Now she's trying to find a way to fix it. It's true, betrayal can't be fixed, but if confessed, and apologized for, hopefully the damage will be mimimal. I doubt he will trust her with his secrets, again, but maybe he can forgive a friend's foolishness.

I have been betrayed in the past. Many times. If evrn one of them had just admitted that what they did WAS a betrayal and apologized, I could have forgiven, but in every last case, they tried to claim, it wasn't a betrayal but done for my sake. Like I was supposed to thank them.

She is accepting her blame. She knows, acknowledges, feels like a jerk. Now she has to face the music. Hoping she won't lose a friend isn't merely self interest. It is further acknowledgement that she did wrong.

If you read what she said,once more, you will see that she was being teased, feeling uncomfortable, maybe a little defensive. She blurted out the first thing that came to mind, to shut them up. Was it right? No! Of course not. Did she do it maliciously? I don't think so. It's not like she gathered them in a huddle and laughing behind her best friend's back, whispered his secret to betray his confidence.

She messed up. Please don't tell me, you have never in your life said or done something you regretted instantly, but just that split second too late to take it back.

Unfortunately, as we all [u]must[/u] learn in life, some things just can't be fixed. Look, maybe it turns out it's not a big deal to the friend whose confidence she betrayed. Maybe the whole thing will just (magically) blow over. In the end, we all have our own way of expressing (or not expressing) our opinions, our grief, and our hidden motives and desires. It seems to me, showing each other mutual respect is more important that dictating a single way to speak at the risk of the person we are speaking with will walk away.

Finally, let's not treat age as some delicate and fragile condition that requires people who are "too young" or "too old" needing "special handling" out of an abundance of caution they will crumble by being confronted with the brutal and cold realities of life.

By the way, I have checked, considered, and reflected upon my feelings before hitting the "post comment" button and I genuinely intend no offense.

Tell him. You made a bad decision. We all do. Now, you can just tell him that you let it slip, and you're sorry.

Then you just hope he will accept your apology and move on. If you don't tell him, and someone says something he WILL be angry because it will come as a surprise and he will be embarrassed. .

Yup, she knows it was wrong, or she wouldn't have written this story. Auberon told her to be honest and tell him what she did so he would be prepared. I told her the same thing. Yet, you were the only one who thought it necessary to be brutal. That is the word you used.

brutal, adjective.

savage; cruel; inhuman: a brutal attack on the village.
crude; coarse: brutal language.
harsh; ferocious: brutal criticism; brutal weather.
taxing, demanding, or exhausting: They're having a brutal time making ends meet.
irrational; unreasoning.
of or pertaining to lower animals.
— Related forms
bru·tal·ly, adverb
hy·per·bru·tal, adjective
hy·per·bru·tal·ly, adverb
non·bru·tal, adjective
non·bru·tal·ly, adverb
o·ver·bru·tal, adjective
o·ver·bru·tal·ly, adverb

Yeah... I know what brutal means. The thing is... her action was brutal. You see, sometimes we have to be bold and uncompromising in telling someone when they have done something that is.. well... you know in family terms, despicable. There is no point in dancing around it. And, if you ask me... what is so disturbing is that she seems more concerned about her own interests (Donald Trump style) than in what her friend is going to experience by being betrayed. The thing is... my guess is she already knows what she did is wrong; she's just looking for confirmation. In my professional opinion, this isn't the time to enable her with self-pity.

Yes, I have messed up with things I have said - or not said - and I am forced to confront the consequences of my actions every single day.

You're young. Learn to be honest without being brutal. It will get you a lot farther in life. Honesty doesn't have to be ugly.

And never ever start anything with no offence, but. It's a dead giveaway. You're about to get offensive. Whenever anyone starts a speech with those words, I tell them, "Wait, stop right there." And if at all possible, I walk away before they can say another word. You should too.

Your owning up in advance gives him a chance to be prepared for what might happen.

No offense, but what you did sucks!! At least have the decency and courage to tell him in advance that you betrayed his confidence so he doesn't face it cold and in front of his family. This is not the time to be thinking of yourself... for goodness sake... think of the position you put him in - and do something... do the "right" thing!

Ah, so your considered opinion, then.

MarkPaul. She is young. She did something really stupid. It was thoughtless. It was inconsiderate. But it wasn't done with malice. She just wants to try to fix it without losing his friendship. The only possible way is to tell him, warn him, and accept the consequences.

MarkPaul. What do you mean, no offence? Of course you mean to offend. No offence, but.....is always what people say, right before they say something offensive. Not that what you said is wrong, but you're telling her to be honest, so you should try it yourself.

I said she should tell her friend what she did and not think of her own feelings, but instead think of his. And, apparently I meant to be offensive (in addition to being brutally honest).

I think you should be honnest, but also explain that you are extremely sorry for what you did. I hope he stays your friend

Yeah but... I was just trying to help by being honest and not beat around the bush. I mean what she did was wrong WRONG W R O N G.

Usually, when someone doesn't start out by saying, "this is a compliment, but..." they really mean it to be a compliment.

Serenitree, no offence but what you said makes a lot of sense...no back to the matter at hand (sorry for making a joke)

Yes Auberon, it was meant to be a compliment. Otherwise I would have said, no offense, but..........

Well... I just mean as someone who has studied human nature and understands the dynamics of how it works.

Whew. Right wins the day. Good for you. You are one very lucky lady. Hug him for me.

Your professional opinion? What profession is that?

Well... I didn't mean to offend. I meant to be brutally honest.

MarkPaul. You just need to apologise.

You're a giggle a minute, Auberon.

What did you actually say?

Well thank you very much

Is that a compliment?