I Think About Having An Affair

Time to infuse love into your family. Unless you are doing something terrible, the children should be looking at you as a victim who deserves understanding. Definitely the husband needs to submit to Jesus because he is failing as both husband and father, and this fighting and his name calling are going to screw up the children's lives and ruin the family ... permanently. Your only hope is in Messiah, the Good Book, and a lot of prayer.

Abba Father, I lift Mrs. Carolina Blues into Your hands, and I place her family under the instruction of Holy Spirit that they may gain wisdom, knowledge, love, and healing. Open the husband's eyes that he may no longer be blind, but see the damage he is causing, repent of his wrongdoing, turn to our savior, Christ Jesus, and become the husband that he is supposed to be.

Please, soften his heart and break his will until he submits to You, repents of his ways, and turns his life over to doing good in Your name. Begin breaking his heart, causing him to be ashamed of himself for the way he is acting until he submits to the instruction of Holy Spirit.

All the while, please let him know that You love him very much and simply want him to be a better person. You sent Your son, our savior, to set us free from the bondage that destroys families. Please, set this man free from Satan's clutches. Amen, amen, and amen.

This sounds like emotional abuse. I went through it with my ex-husband for years. It wasn't until I looked up emotional abuse and started reading about it, that I finally saw it for what it was. After that, I could recognize it...I could see the signs of it...I could see the cycle of abuse and I could predict when it was going to happen again. It was textbook. I started going to a women's empowerment group through the family advocates in my town. It was there that I got the validation that I needed to know that I wasn't going crazy...that this was a real thing. Once my eyes were opened to it, I couldn't close them again. Like I said....he is now my EX husband. The best thing I ever did for myself!

I'd been caught in a trap of expecting my clinically depressed wife to try to get better about her lethargy. Sounds silly when I say it so simply.

I was justified to complain but what drove it home was my daughter explaining that her mother(like my even MORE depressed daughter) hated herself and when I berated her, she loathed herself. It was "piling on". An unfair fight.

Still she doesn't change.
So...I keep complaining? Beating up on her when it won't help and just hurts the wife?

I gave it up and have been working at even silencing the complaints. I clean the house, do the laundry and we're eating out for almost every meal and I have just two choices about what to do about this:

Criticize, or accept.
I've spent a decade criticizing fruitlessly and acceptance makes both of us happier.

It's grossly unfair to me to have to accept heavy burdens with precious little acknowledgement, but the other option doesn't change anything and my wife's sadness just adds to the burdens.

If your husband has complained about teh same "flaws" incessantly and you haven't changed and are certain you never will. Perhaps that's a choice he's got to face.

Accept. Or Criticize.
If criticism won't work, why keep doing it? It makes you sad, it makes him angry and in those states of mind, you won't be much thinking about the little ways you might be able to improve your collective lot.


PS for the ladies thinking I'm only doing my fair share? The wife has a part time job. We decided she should get the part time job in order to be with the kids and do all the crap I'm stuck doing. The kids are 17 and 19, pretty self-reliant, and there ain't four hours of housework to do every day. Not even close. Even if the sanctimonious supermoms out there were right, they miss the point. Complaining in the face of a partner who won't change causes stress and wastes time. Accept, permanently forgive and decide what to do from there.

Its unfortunate, but Having been a kid in that kind of environment i know that they will be able to make up their own minds about you.

Kids can see how bad he is to you and they will be just as upset at him than anything else. I hate to say it but its likely he isn't much nicer to them anyway, Without perhaps the yelling and name calling.

That's abusive honey, life is all about choices, some good some bad... you should be looking at one right now. Do you stay in a loveless marriage or do you scrape whatever dignity that's left an move on.
I'm looking at a divorce too, it would be easier for me if my wife was more like your husband, but she loves me,,, NOW...been 23 years of no love an now that the account is empty she doesn't want to lose the lifestyle.. but my heart is not in it..
Good luck, choose wisely

I'm sorry to hear that. My wife and I don't fight in front of the kids but I wouldn't be surprised if my older kids hadn't heard something or noticed. But she does get pretty mean. She like to talk like all the problems in our marriage is my fault. Its ironic that she thinks that I should love her for just the way she is, but at the same time keeps telling me I need to change.

Just hold your kids - all of them together - in a tight hug at such moments of domestic crises. If you weep, they'll weep with you.

True, having an affair is an option, but I wouldn't advise it. If the cheating accusation enters into your bi-weekly fights, you will lose your kids' respect, which will scar you for life.

Denigrating you in front of the kids is pretty unforgivable.

That's just wrong, many sympathies. I don't even know you and I know you deserve better

That is a hurtful way to respond. Does your husband not understand that he is inflicting long term wounds on your heart and psyche?

I can understand. Me and my husband fight so much. He has such a destructive temper. I get so tired of being yelled at all the time. I think its natural to dream of something better. Though cheating doesn't always make things better either. It could get even uglier for you. But I get it. I really do. Hugs hun. I hope you find a way out of your hell.

I'm sorry that occurs!
Kids pick up on that shit too and will often adopt the philosophy that is acceptable for men to speak to women in that manner.
You be careful and take care of yourself!
(((hugs)))