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Is there an acceptable waiting period after a breakup...?

Before you start imagining or having thoughts of seeing other people?
You see, my guy and I broke up in November and I have been very adamant that I am [i][b]not[/b][/i] interested in seeing anyone, or starting anything new.
I recognize that I need time to do some healing, and to figure myself out before I even [i]think[/i] of dating again.
I assumed this would take some time, perhaps even a year or two…
The thing is, yesterday while at work, a man came in whom I haven’t seen for a long time (he is a regular customer, but I have been away from work) and he made it clear he very happy to see me back. AND I GOT SOME BUTTERFLIES!!!!
We had fun chatting and flirting, and I enjoyed it!

Now, I find myself looking forward to the next time he comes in….and this surprises me….it really does.
I did not expect to have these kinds of thoughts for a LONG time yet….?
Doesn’t it seem too soon???
Uuuurrrggghhhh why do I have to be such a frikken [i]girl[/i]!????!

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hartfire Best Comment

I used to hear a common formula: a day for each week, a week for each month, a month for each year.
But I don't think it's that simple.

The key is not the amount of time but how well you've processed the loss of the last relationship.

Have you fully grieved your anger and sadness?
Have you fully accepted it?
What did you learn about yourself, your choices, your needs, your behaviours?
What needs to change?
Have you made or are you making those changes?
If not, what do you need to learn and do? How could you do it better?
In what ways could you become proactive?

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@hartfire you’re right, and these are all things I’m focusing on now….my question was really more about how [i]surprised[/i] I was at my own reaction to this guy’s flirting, not whether or not I should ‘act on it’. I truly don’t believe I’m ready for anything other than some feel-good flirting and innocent, harmless fun at work 😊 just to remind me that I’m still alive 😉

hartfire

@ImpeccablyImperfect Thanks for the vote of best comment! 😊

TexChik · F

You should not punish yourself because you had a break up. Your last guy clearly did not make you feel the way this man does just by saying hello. The chemistry and spark are there. Explore it ( carefully ) and enjoy him. He makes you happy. You certainly deserve that. 😉😊

LadyGrace ·

Sounds great! You can still heal and take it slow but it always makes us feel better I think when we can communicate with people that are good to us. Nothing wrong with that. Such kind people help us heal, as well. I see it as a blessing. You're getting what you deserve...genuine goodness. 😉

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@LadyGrace oh thank you….it IS true, that others can help us heal 🩵 Even when they don’t know they’re helping 😊

LadyGrace ·

@ImpeccablyImperfect Yes, lovely, they sure can, and do. I feel God has given you new beginnings, because you deserve it. You have a lovely sweet heart, and he wants nothing more than for you to be happy. When things seem to come to a halting end, it is really only God, giving you a brand new beginning. That's how much he loves you and I know he loves to see your beautiful smile today. Hahaha You're on the right track!

4meAndyou · F

Be careful. There is such a thing as a rebound.

But that doesn't mean you can't ENJOY your life! Don't put more emphasis on it than you should, but leave the door open for happiness to come in. ☺️☺️☺️

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@4meAndyou yes, I’m really not interested in starting something…being very cautious.….I will just enjoy the fact that I even [b]can[/b] still feel butterflies! I had actually wondered if I was broken 🤦‍♀️

4meAndyou · F

@ImpeccablyImperfect I know exactly what you mean. After my divorce from the third ex, I was so numb from the abuse that I, also, thought something inside me had died. And then I met someone, also.

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@4meAndyou aww that’s terrific. I’m happy for you! 🌺

Ontheroad · M

There is an acceptable time... it's when you are ready.

The key is knowing when you are ready and not just rebounding, or feeling lonely, which happens to a great many of us.

I'd say enjoy the butterflies, enjoy how it feels but be very cautious... of yourself, especially of letting yourself go too soon.

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@Ontheroad yes, absolutely, I’m not jumping into ANYthing

Ontheroad · M

@ImpeccablyImperfect But, along the way, enjoy the butterflies! You are still young and beautiful and deserving of all the good feelings.

Ashly · 26-30, F

It’s tough after a break up, you feel like you need time to heal and that’s true, but we’re all different. It takes some people longer to recover and that’s ok.

I love that you felt butterflies when you talked to that man ☺️ It’s a sign that you’re ready to get out there again. The heart doesn’t lie, you can’t help who you have feelings for ♥️

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@Ashly I don’t think these were ‘feelings’ per se…more likely just the effects of the sun shining again 😉

goliathtree · 56-60, M

Seems pretty normal to me. You deserve to be happy...and to have some fun.

pentacorn · F

taking time alone is my way too, but it's the butterflies that call the shots. besides, there's always the chance it's just a rebound or something that won't come to fruition. at least you know you're still alive and kicking 😌

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@pentacorn so true. Alive and kicking is the preferred way 😉 I think I’ll just cool my jets a bit and simply enjoy the ‘kicking’ for now

pentacorn · F

@ImpeccablyImperfect yes, yes... enjoy yourself ☺️ it's been a long winter

Fungirlmmm · 51-55, F

You know when you are ready. Life is short; go for it.

Patriot96 · 56-60, C

20 minutes is acceptable

TryingSW45 · 46-50, M

No such thing as too soon. Things happen and you got butterflies. That’s great and your body and head were cool with it. See what happens and enjoy it. Sometimes physical injuries heal more quickly than expected. It’s the same with your heart

beermeplease · M

hope this helps [image=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeknS5efTJI]

Spumoni · 46-50, M

I wanted nothing to do with anyone after the divorce but that changed. I am dating a woman, which was very awkward to start. It feels great. Intimacy is still a bit of a Rollercoaster at times.

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@Spumoni I’m glad you’re back out there! Enjoy 😊

Spumoni · 46-50, M

@ImpeccablyImperfect it feels like starting over completely. Still have the awkward feels from time to time.

Livingwell · 61-69, M

I don't think these so called "norms" are worth much. You are ready when you are ready. And if you feel a spark, go investigate. Why miss an opportunity? And he'd be one lucky guy too!

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@Livingwell thanks…but I don’t think I’m ready for investigating anything just yet. I was more surprised by my own reaction to him, that’s all (and that’s enough for me for now!!)

LoneVoice

It took me almost 3 years after my divorce, and women were all over me within that time. I wanted nothing to do with any of them. It's as if they can smell when you are hurting and you don't want to be bothered.

Jeephikelove · 46-50, F

Heyy!! That interaction sounds great and it’s a good sign that you’re starting to feel something. You’re not looking to get married in 3 months or anything but flirting and going on some dates might be just what you need. You can heal at the same time. 🤗🤗

As far as how long it should take, well that’s unknown. I know for myself I check out of a relationship mentally and emotionally before I actually end it. Were you perhaps getting there while still with your ex?

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@Jeephikelove I kind of think so….I mean, I had been looking at other homes for sale and even some apartments for rent, months before. I already knew it was going to end this way….I just needed to be certain, I guess? 🤷‍♀️

Jeephikelove · 46-50, F

@ImpeccablyImperfect that sounds pretty clear to me. Enjoy yourself, you very much deserve it!

novaguy2u · 70-79, M

You can't fight your natural instincts. Take it easy on yourself, go with the flow, and maybe this will blossom into a nice relationship.

BobbyMoeven · 51-55, M

Maybe it's cuz spring is just around the corner that you are getting the feelies 😁

Best of luck 🤞

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@BobbyMoeven yesss, that must be it! 😉

Carissimi · 70-79, F

It’s only too soon, if it feels too soon, and it obviously doesn’t, so let nature take her course.

Smokey · 46-50, M

I think we all know when the time comes, it varies for everyone

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@Smokey it does! And hi handsome! Nice new pic :)

Smokey · 46-50, M

@ImpeccablyImperfect hello 🙂

woodyemma2013 · 36-40, F

Follow your gut it won't steer you wrong

BizSuitStacy · M

Nah...life is short. Enjoy yourself.

Roundandroundwego · 61-69

No.
For God's sake, we leave the loser behind and even kids have to suck up or go hungry. Put on something see through and get down. Now serve the money and say "love". Your actions won't be but a drop in the bucket of no socialism and capitalism making everyone a commodity.

Northwest · M

Seems as if you're ready.

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@Northwest hmmm…naaah, I don’t think I am 🤔

AlchemyFox · 36-40, F

Follow those butterflies!

SW-User

Maybe an hour for me lmao

SW-User

Whenit feels for you

NatureGuy77 · 51-55, M

Follow your heart.

Bowenw · 61-69, M

No rules.

TheOthetAcc · 36-40, M

1 hr

Sojournersoul · M

Dont worry about the time. If you like him, be happy. Life is to short.

MasterLee · 56-60, M

I have always felt somewhere between 24 and 25

Banksy83 · 36-40, M

Why did you break with your BF

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@Banksy83 After 8 years, it simply wasn’t working. We had too many very differing views on child raising (he has a teenaged boy who lived with us) and as the boy got older, the levels of disrespect got to be too much for me to handle. It had been causing issues between bf and I for a couple of years now and I couldn’t keep doing it anymore.

bartender · 36-40, M

Happy for you 🥳🎉🥳🎉🥳

deathfairy ·

it’s different for each person.

MethDozer · M

You still get horny

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

@MethDozer

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