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QUESTION AS A GIRLFRIEND

How to deal a boyfriend with Borderline Personality Disorder?

This may sound harsh but bow out while you can gracefully. My exwife had it. It just got worse. She saw mental health professionals for years too. It's exhausting to constantly have to excuse horrible behavior balanced out by sweet charismatic behavior. Theyre easy to love but the bad abusuve cruel behavior never goes away

assemblingaknob · 26-30, F

Regular reassurance that they matter to you. Keeping them in the loop so they don't feel abandoned. I have bpd too. These comments are pretty harsh.

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assemblingaknob · 26-30, F

@LetMeGo you can take him to dbt. The good thing is, it has a good success rate. You should always involve emergency services if you think he's going to harm himself, and call the cops if you think he can harm you. Create boundaries. Also Ask him to follow instagram pages that help understand borderline in a compassionate way, so that he doesn't feel offended or alienated.
But if you think he is harming your safety, or can, then start distancing yourself.

assemblingaknob · 26-30, F

@LetMeGo you can also tell him that you will cooperate only if he shows you that he's improving himself.

AlyAngel · F

@assemblingaknob some bery harsh comments indeed. It blows my mind how cruel people really are. No empthay at all.

Doomflower · 41-45, M

If he is displaying symptoms and isn't medicated and actively engaged in therapy then run.

Untreated BPD can literally be dangerous. Treated BPD can be dangerous. Having BPD is like living without skin in terms of emotional pain and people tend to behave accordingly.

If he is being treated and you choose to stay make sure you have clear and consistent boundaries. If you say you will or will not do something, stick to your word. A borderline is afraid of abandonment and has an unstable sense of self. You must communicate through words and actions that you will not abandon them and that you hold them in unconditional positive regard. That means even if he acts out you still communicate your caring about him while not approving the behavior.

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canusernamebemyusername · M

If he isn't on medication, leave.

SW-User

@canusernamebemyusername Strong, I guess I should assume the words of the OP he is? But do we know he has BPD, not just Google doc, search? What counts as advice these days... my grandfather would roll his eyes upon.

WatchThis · 41-45, M

You don’t… if it is bpd, the world is the problem and he doesn’t need treatment. You just need to be more understanding, merciful, careful, timid, quiet unless spoken to…

SW-User

I had a relative with that
It was very hard on everyone

I had to eventually cut them out of my life for my own sanity

NeighFlowers · M

BOD is a really tough disorder to cope with as both a sufferer and as a partner. From experiences and interactions I've had, unless you're willing to deal with a lot of unnecessary drama and having to be a sort of commanding/parental figure in the relationship, it's best to try and get out of it in a respectful manner.

My friend who has BPD relies heavily on their fiancé to help manage the finances, appointments and event planning in their relationship due to the impulsiveness and instability that they suffer from.

SW-User

@NeighFlowers Yet, you keep friends with them? Probably cause you feel you should, the same kind of compassion should be offered here. All of that expressed, the OP needs to know her boundaries, how she can help, what she can accept.... as if she can't, she's not helping him (I'm presuming she loves him)

NeighFlowers · M

@SW-User I think it'd be kind of dickish of me to call someone who moved to the otherside of the country and say: 'I don't want to be friends anymore cause of your BPD' lol

There's also a big difference between dateing someone with BPD and being friends with someone who has it.

itsok · 31-35, F

Borderline is very difficult on everyone. please keep in mind that you can seek some counseling or therapy too, because someone else’s pd can affect you mentally

BrewCityBarfly · M

I posted this a long time back, it bears repeating. I've tried some of the techniques with my Ex and they can work. Notice I said "Ex".
[media=https://youtu.be/Do6owMR1hSY]

Greyjedi · M

Tell him he needs to see a therapist if he ever wants to sleep with you. Be nice.

Eternity · 26-30, M

Maybe you shouldn't?

BetweenKittensandRiots · 36-40, MVIP

I tried to date someone with BPD, It didn't work. She was willing to do all kinds of things with me in the bedroom but I wanted relationship and that was asking for too ,uch so it went nowhere.