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I Am Married But Lonely

So how do you all handle the loneliness? A hobby? Lol! I don’t really have time for extravagant hobbies, we have 4 young kids and I have a thriving business. We tried counseling and he’s not interested in it. He’s perfectly happy, I’m the only one who feels like it’s not working anymore, but I want to make it work for our kiddos, and he is special to me, used to be my best friend, he’s just not interested in relationship or intimacy anymore.
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NKogneeto · 51-55, M
Did you ever get this resolved?
I truly believe in making sacrifices to keep a marriage but I stayed in a loveless one for 25 years for the sake of the kids who I basically raised by myself. When I couldn't take no more I left. The kids (now older and had their own lives) somehow resented me for leaving their mother and cut me off. Wish I had left when they were young and ironically would have been better for them. I made exceptions and tried to convince myself every day that she would change and show some interest and love but all I was doing was fooling myself. There's love out there for you, which is closer than you could ever imagine.
LookingForIt987 · 51-55, M
I'm sorry to hear this. It's a shame whenever it happens. 💔 I have two suggestions, though I suspect you're not going to like at least one of them.

A. Go to counseling without him. Use the time to sort through your thoughts and emotions. A counselor's office gives you a safe place with somebody trained to help you through the process.

B. This will sound cold, so I'll apologize for that in advance. Move on. Staying in a bad relationship "for the kids" very very rarely works out, and you (general "you" not you specifically) end up regretting it, or worse resenting all the time you lost. More importantly, kids are observant. They'll almost certainly know something is wrong. And whether they do or don't notice, think about what sort of relationship you're modeling for your kids. Presumably you'll want them to have happy, healthy relationships when they're adults. One of the best ways to help that happen is to show them what a happy, healthy relationship looks like. And "staying married for the kids" is not an example of that.

Now, that said... by all means take my suggestions one step at a time. Keep seeing the counselor and let him/her help you work through everything. I suspect you'll come to the conclusion that moving on is in everybody's best interests - yours, of course; but also the kids and even your husband.
krissychick · 36-40, F
Thank you, I really appreciate your insight 🥰 I have continued counseling without him, I’m just finding it unbearable to continue loving him without him loving me back. I guess that’s how I ended up here- hoping to find something that would satisfy my emotional needs that he doesn’t care about, because otherwise we feel so compatible still... I’m sure that sounds insane lol! @LookingForIt987
LookingForIt987 · 51-55, M
@krissychick No, it doesn't insane. You wouldn't be the first couple to "fall out of love" but still be great friends. In fact, assuming the ultimate "end game" is a separation and divorce, you'll be modeling healthy behavior to your kids in the long run. I'm glad you're still talking to the counselor. He's far more qualified to help you work through that side of things than anybody here, honestly.

As for finding something here? It's possible, but I wouldn't count on it. It's happened - here and other places - but I wouldn't want to count on this place for that. Friendship? Sure, but not much deeper than that. With that said, if you'd like a friend, please go ahead and drop me a PM. I enjoy chatting with people - helps get me through my day ;) - and I promise to be a good boy up until you say it's OK to not be. 😇

Either way, please keep taking care of yourself. 🥰 That's healthy behavior that your kids will pick up on, and hopefully it'll help them going forward. Worst case, though, is that you learn to take care of yourself. And that's a pretty gosh darn good "worst" case. :)
76starships · 46-50, M
I’m sorry to hear that. You’re definitely missing the best friend part. It’s a shame that he’s oblivious to the fact that you’re missing that part. I hope you can carve out some time to do something you love.
Northerner · 70-79, M
This happens to a lot of people . we spend too much time trying to create a successful business and neglect the important things in life. I wish you good luck in finding a solution.
olderuncle944 · 70-79, M
this is agreat place to find friends to talk to and no one can judge you drop a line if you need some one to vent to i understand all to well what your going thru
Pawan · 31-35, M
Don't worry such face comes in all relationship for a certain period of time but as on time passes it recovers too, good luck
DunningKruger · 61-69, M
It sounds like husband has settled into a comfortable rut and isn't interested in putting in the effort to crawl out of it. It may not be that he's happy with it — he simply doesn't want to do the work.

You want to stay together for the kids. Understandable, but it's also one of the worst mistakes parents make, as this situation inevitably leads to anger and resentment between the parents, which is worse than just pulling the Band-Aid off and moving on.
jlsdjfhasdljfhasdfa · 41-45, M
I am sorry to hear that, it is unfortunate that there way too many relationships are hitting this bump. I used to think it was only women who lost interest in sex/intimacy, it is men too, rather shocking..Good for you for working hard at it. Does he recognize that he is denying your needs?
Spectre128 · 51-55, M
Hanging out on SW helps, but so do hobbies and interests,you are much more than a partner, mother, worker...got to take some time for yourself, and maybe he takes interest in you once again before losing you.
It is so frustrating when your partner doesn't see any problem with their attentiveness.
Happymedium · 56-60, F
Every marriage goes through stages. Keep trying.
How about date night?
luctoretemergo · 61-69, M
Your about to make a ton of new friends....whether you like it or not....
😊
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olderuncle944 · 70-79, M
im in same shape were more room mates now
juiceyangel333 · 31-35, F
Why isn't he interested?
Bobdale · 56-60, M
Sorry that it is .
StevetheSleeve · 31-35, M
That sounds sad.
Southernman · 41-45, M
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
Sorry to hear. It's possible that one day, he'll come around, but that's no help now

 
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