I Am Married But Lonely

So how do you all handle the loneliness? A hobby? Lol! I don’t really have time for extravagant hobbies, we have 4 young kids and I have a thriving business. We tried counseling and he’s not interested in it. He’s perfectly happy, I’m the only one who feels like it’s not working anymore, but I want to make it work for our kiddos, and he is special to me, used to be my best friend, he’s just not interested in relationship or intimacy anymore.

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LookingForIt987 · 51-55, M

I'm sorry to hear this. It's a shame whenever it happens. 💔 I have two suggestions, though I suspect you're not going to like at least one of them.

A. Go to counseling without him. Use the time to sort through your thoughts and emotions. A counselor's office gives you a safe place with somebody trained to help you through the process.

B. This will sound cold, so I'll apologize for that in advance. Move on. Staying in a bad relationship "for the kids" very very rarely works out, and you (general "you" not you specifically) end up regretting it, or worse resenting all the time you lost. More importantly, kids are observant. They'll almost certainly know something is wrong. And whether they do or don't notice, think about what sort of relationship you're modeling for your kids. Presumably you'll want them to have happy, healthy relationships when they're adults. One of the best ways to help that happen is to show them what a happy, healthy relationship looks like. And "staying married for the kids" is not an example of that.

Now, that said... by all means take my suggestions one step at a time. Keep seeing the counselor and let him/her help you work through everything. I suspect you'll come to the conclusion that moving on is in everybody's best interests - yours, of course; but also the kids and even your husband.

krissychick · 36-40, F

Thank you, I really appreciate your insight 🥰 I have continued counseling without him, I’m just finding it unbearable to continue loving him without him loving me back. I guess that’s how I ended up here- hoping to find something that would satisfy my emotional needs that he doesn’t care about, because otherwise we feel so compatible still... I’m sure that sounds insane lol! @LookingForIt987

LookingForIt987 · 51-55, M

@krissychick No, it doesn't insane. You wouldn't be the first couple to "fall out of love" but still be great friends. In fact, assuming the ultimate "end game" is a separation and divorce, you'll be modeling healthy behavior to your kids in the long run. I'm glad you're still talking to the counselor. He's far more qualified to help you work through that side of things than anybody here, honestly.

As for finding something here? It's possible, but I wouldn't count on it. It's happened - here and other places - but I wouldn't want to count on this place for that. Friendship? Sure, but not much deeper than that. With that said, if you'd like a friend, please go ahead and drop me a PM. I enjoy chatting with people - helps get me through my day ;) - and I promise to be a good boy up until you say it's OK to not be. 😇

Either way, please keep taking care of yourself. 🥰 That's healthy behavior that your kids will pick up on, and hopefully it'll help them going forward. Worst case, though, is that [i]you[/i] learn to take care of yourself. And that's a pretty gosh darn good "worst" case. :)