I Want My First Marriage To Be My Only Marriage

Call me old school but marriage is very sacred to me and I’m very scared of getting a divorce because of it. I only wanna do this once but sometimes I feel like the man that I chose to be with is sabotaging us because he lied to me for 10 years about his past and who he is. When he came clean about it all he told me he wants me to know everything he says from that moment forward he wants me to know its the truth so I gave him another chance. Only months later I caught him smoking weed after telling me he hasn’t been. He snuck out to do it, hiding behind our vehicle and smoking right infront of our daughters things. I pretty much told him this is the last time. If he lies again I’m out. Its scary that my whole future is in his hands and its scary that I can’t trust him. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. I just hope he takes us seriously.

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4meAndyou · F

I have the same feelings about marriage. It is a sacred institution. Yet I have been married and divorced three times. Twice because of cheating, and once because of abuse, neglect, and threats.

A marriage that is holy is supposed to be a place of mutual love and trust. If it is not that, then it is not holy.

I am not really qualified to give advice, but I would say that it is important to you that your husband behave in certain ways, and when he does not he lies to you, and that is not ever going to change.

You should try counseling.

LyricalOne · F

Don’t know how many more red flags you need. He’s not gonna stop lying, it’s a way of life. And without trust, there is nothing.

Eternity · 26-30, M

why is it a problem he smokes weed? Weed is fine if you can be a functional adult and smoke weed at the same time

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Eternity · 26-30, M

@Miracle23 damn it sounds like to me you're holding this dude hostage using his kid. That isnt fair. How about not in the house?

There can be a compromise here.

Funopenrelationship · 36-40, M

@Eternity agreed. Also should not give him that ultimatum. Could be he lies about it to avoid a problem and because he cares about you and the kid.
Weed is not the worst thing ever, he might need to destress and stressing him more wouldn't help.
Sure there can be a compromise.

Miracle23 · 26-30, F

I’m not holding him hostage using his kid. You don’t know our full story nor do you know me so you shouldn’t say that. I would never do that to anyway. I know what i want however and it is not someone who smokes weed or lies. The weed isn’t the worst factor however, it was the lying about it. He lied about it even before he knew it would be a problem for me. If he had just come to me and say he wants to use weed to destress my feelings and reaction may have been a little different. I prefer he didn’t smoke but I could THINK about it. The fact that he lied and snuck around however I cannot pretend thats ok and you’re just defending him🙄 @Eternity

Abrienda · 26-30, F

Oh honey I am sorry but he is already shown he is deceptive. The problem is your daughters. They should take priority in your life. If you continue with this person and he doesn't change as he has promised (and people generally don't change except in case of tragedy or religious epiphany) then you are setting a very bad example of what sort of men they should marry for your daughters and that may likely leave a lasting impression of them that will not be a healthy or even an accurate one. You must weigh your present with their future.

I am so sorry I cannot say what would be easier for you to accept but this is how I see your situation. Good luck and God bless.

Tonydang · M

He will continue to lie I’m sorry but that’s how it normally is

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