I do love my Husband. I have for four and a half decades. However, many nights I feel sad and lonely because many nights after my Husband has had a six pack and smoked some, we have little spats. Not real arguments, but little irritations towards each other. 😔
I am not on the same wavelength as he is because I am sober. This leads to many imagined things that hurt each other's feelings. My Husband becomes very impatient and easily frustrated with me, and I become very defensive because this has happened for so long. That is why I am up writing when I should be sleeping. I can't sleep when we feel so distant from each other.😔
In the morning, my Husband will wake up like nothing even happened, but my mind and body will be just a little more run down because I can't sleep. I have many health issues, and when I can't sleep, they all just get worse. I am trying to learn how to do better, and understand more about why I react the way I do to people, to my Husband, but I get so confused. 😔
I want to be like my Husband. If we are going to have these little spats all the time, I want to wake up in the morning like nothing happened too. I want to be able to go to sleep because arguing with him doesn't upset me enough to keep me awake. I just am not smart enough to figure out how. 😔
Maybe, when I was younger and my mind worked better, I could have figured this out. Now I just get more confused.😔
Please don't misunderstand. I love my Husband with every fiber of my being. I look up to him, so much. He and my children are everything that matters to me in the whole world, but I am just so tired of these little spats and the larger arguments we have sometimes. I honestly feel like they might end up being the death of me.😔
Honey, I know you check on me here, on this site, once in a while, and I want you to know I am so very sorry for every time I have frustrated you. I wish I were better. You know I try to be with all I am to please you, I just never seem to get quite right.😔
To whoever may read this post, please pay this post no never mind. I am just a little sad and tired. Tomorrow will be another day, and things will look much better. I just find that writing things down sometimes helps me see things more clearly.
Please try to accept - accept that he drinks and that may create a resentment towards someone who's in abstinence. Accept that you(or I) haven't become perfect in recovery we have our irritations, loss of patience or control Accept that a spat is temporary, and let go of the feelings. Do not carry. Learn to forgive yourself. Stay sober, it will get better and better Hugs
@Domking after many years, I do have a few spats or a big lecture from my partner - and I just dust myself off, pray for serenity, accept that I goofed up, maybe she's stressed, change topic, listen to a nice rock music and get on with my day.
What you need to know about Alcohol, is that it removes the inhibition shield between the conscious and sub-conscious, and brings the real character and real personality out of the person. So all stored frustrations / disappointments / secrets would find its way out. Similarly guilt and their own wrong doings may also surface and make some weep. The voice level goes up because the ear goes deaf, so they speak louder. Drunken brawl is quite common due to this as you can even see buddies in arms hurling glasses and bar stool over each other, but forget it all the next day.
Psychologically it is very good for humans to have such sessions from time to time, as the soul appeases.
Maybe you can choose a day to have alcohol while your husband is sober to see how he behaves when drunk, by witnessing you.
You have a right to be heard in your relationship.
On one of the nights he doesn't have a drink talk with him. Explain to him what your experience with him is and, importantly, how it is affecting your health.
Work out an alternative to the actions at the moment that is acceptable to both of you.
Know that you have support here and that we can relate in some way of what you are going through. Sharing your story like this is nothing to apologize for. He is your husband and will love you like one. He has his own demons and knows it. Best of luck in everything, you deserve it
