I do love my Husband. I have for four and a half decades. However, many nights I feel sad and lonely because many nights after my Husband has had a six pack and smoked some, we have little spats. Not real arguments, but little irritations towards each other. 😔
I am not on the same wavelength as he is because I am sober. This leads to many imagined things that hurt each other's feelings. My Husband becomes very impatient and easily frustrated with me, and I become very defensive because this has happened for so long. That is why I am up writing when I should be sleeping. I can't sleep when we feel so distant from each other.😔
In the morning, my Husband will wake up like nothing even happened, but my mind and body will be just a little more run down because I can't sleep. I have many health issues, and when I can't sleep, they all just get worse. I am trying to learn how to do better, and understand more about why I react the way I do to people, to my Husband, but I get so confused. 😔
I want to be like my Husband. If we are going to have these little spats all the time, I want to wake up in the morning like nothing happened too. I want to be able to go to sleep because arguing with him doesn't upset me enough to keep me awake. I just am not smart enough to figure out how. 😔
Maybe, when I was younger and my mind worked better, I could have figured this out. Now I just get more confused.😔
Please don't misunderstand. I love my Husband with every fiber of my being. I look up to him, so much. He and my children are everything that matters to me in the whole world, but I am just so tired of these little spats and the larger arguments we have sometimes. I honestly feel like they might end up being the death of me.😔
Honey, I know you check on me here, on this site, once in a while, and I want you to know I am so very sorry for every time I have frustrated you. I wish I were better. You know I try to be with all I am to please you, I just never seem to get quite right.😔
To whoever may read this post, please pay this post no never mind. I am just a little sad and tired. Tomorrow will be another day, and things will look much better. I just find that writing things down sometimes helps me see things more clearly.
This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »
@AdogslifeI have many reasons to be sorry that he struggles with drinking. I love him, and it is very hard to watch someone you love struggle. This makes me sorry for him and for all of us in the family. His parents started paying him sips of their Hugh Balls if he would mix them when he was 9 years old. They were both alcoholics, too. He has been drinking since then. He had diverticulitis last year and almost died. At that time, they found that he had liver damage from decades of drinking. I am sorry about this too. My Husband may be a "drunk", but he has been a functional drunk. He has raised and supported 2 generations of children, as the primary provider, so I could stay home with the kids. We have some kids with special needs, and my staying home wasn't an option. My Husband is a good man in many ways, so the fact that he struggles with this does make me very very sorry. Thank you for your comment. It gave me a reason, a way, to remember what a good man my Husband really is. I do appreciate it.
