I do love my Husband. I have for four and a half decades. However, many nights I feel sad and lonely because many nights after my Husband has had a six pack and smoked some, we have little spats. Not real arguments, but little irritations towards each other. 😔
I am not on the same wavelength as he is because I am sober. This leads to many imagined things that hurt each other's feelings. My Husband becomes very impatient and easily frustrated with me, and I become very defensive because this has happened for so long. That is why I am up writing when I should be sleeping. I can't sleep when we feel so distant from each other.😔
In the morning, my Husband will wake up like nothing even happened, but my mind and body will be just a little more run down because I can't sleep. I have many health issues, and when I can't sleep, they all just get worse. I am trying to learn how to do better, and understand more about why I react the way I do to people, to my Husband, but I get so confused. 😔
I want to be like my Husband. If we are going to have these little spats all the time, I want to wake up in the morning like nothing happened too. I want to be able to go to sleep because arguing with him doesn't upset me enough to keep me awake. I just am not smart enough to figure out how. 😔
Maybe, when I was younger and my mind worked better, I could have figured this out. Now I just get more confused.😔
Please don't misunderstand. I love my Husband with every fiber of my being. I look up to him, so much. He and my children are everything that matters to me in the whole world, but I am just so tired of these little spats and the larger arguments we have sometimes. I honestly feel like they might end up being the death of me.😔
Honey, I know you check on me here, on this site, once in a while, and I want you to know I am so very sorry for every time I have frustrated you. I wish I were better. You know I try to be with all I am to please you, I just never seem to get quite right.😔
To whoever may read this post, please pay this post no never mind. I am just a little sad and tired. Tomorrow will be another day, and things will look much better. I just find that writing things down sometimes helps me see things more clearly.
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Know that you have support here and that we can relate in some way of what you are going through. Sharing your story like this is nothing to apologize for. He is your husband and will love you like one. He has his own demons and knows it. Best of luck in everything, you deserve it
@phoenixrisingThank you for your kind comment. It really does help to know others understand and care, especially nowadays with a world so full of negativity. ❤
You're right, he does have his own demons, so do I. Maybe that is the real reason a couple stays together for life. They love each other and try to accept each other's demons. My Husband has had ot deal with so many of my demons. 😔
It isn't easy to take a broken teen, from years of extreme childhood abuse, and hold her close. It isn't easy to hold a porcupine, but he has never let me go, no matter how much I poke him. No matter how hard I have pushed him away. No matter what kind of dirty techniques I have used to try and make him hate me, because I don't think I am worthy of love, he has never let me go. No matter how many times I have been triggered and thrown back into my past due to Chronic PTSD, he has never stopped loving me. These are just a few of my demons, and he has never given up on me, and I will never give up on him.
He is a good man in all ways. I just need to stop feeling so much self-loathing when I feel like I have disappointed him. This is what makes me unable to sleep sometimes. 😔
Thank you so much for your kind and caring comment. It means so much to me. 🙂
