I do love my Husband. I have for four and a half decades. However, many nights I feel sad and lonely because many nights after my Husband has had a six pack and smoked some, we have little spats. Not real arguments, but little irritations towards each other. 😔
I am not on the same wavelength as he is because I am sober. This leads to many imagined things that hurt each other's feelings. My Husband becomes very impatient and easily frustrated with me, and I become very defensive because this has happened for so long. That is why I am up writing when I should be sleeping. I can't sleep when we feel so distant from each other.😔
In the morning, my Husband will wake up like nothing even happened, but my mind and body will be just a little more run down because I can't sleep. I have many health issues, and when I can't sleep, they all just get worse. I am trying to learn how to do better, and understand more about why I react the way I do to people, to my Husband, but I get so confused. 😔
I want to be like my Husband. If we are going to have these little spats all the time, I want to wake up in the morning like nothing happened too. I want to be able to go to sleep because arguing with him doesn't upset me enough to keep me awake. I just am not smart enough to figure out how. 😔
Maybe, when I was younger and my mind worked better, I could have figured this out. Now I just get more confused.😔
Please don't misunderstand. I love my Husband with every fiber of my being. I look up to him, so much. He and my children are everything that matters to me in the whole world, but I am just so tired of these little spats and the larger arguments we have sometimes. I honestly feel like they might end up being the death of me.😔
Honey, I know you check on me here, on this site, once in a while, and I want you to know I am so very sorry for every time I have frustrated you. I wish I were better. You know I try to be with all I am to please you, I just never seem to get quite right.😔
To whoever may read this post, please pay this post no never mind. I am just a little sad and tired. Tomorrow will be another day, and things will look much better. I just find that writing things down sometimes helps me see things more clearly.
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You have a right to be heard in your relationship.
On one of the nights he doesn't have a drink talk with him. Explain to him what your experience with him is and, importantly, how it is affecting your health.
Work out an alternative to the actions at the moment that is acceptable to both of you.
@ZeusdelightThere is never a night he doesn't drink, so when I tried to, gently say something about this affecting my health, it is in the morning when he is sober. He listens then, if I am gentle, and don't harp on it. For a few days after we talk in the morning, we are less irritable at night with each other, but then we fall back into the same ole same ole.
I need to try and find the answer inside myself. I can't fix anything but myself. I just need to figure out a way to not take the irritable behavior he has a night to heart.
I am curious about something you said, and I wish I could understand it better. You said, "Work out an alternative to the actions at the moment that is acceptable to both of you." What would this look like? Please forgive me. I am somewhat simple in some ways, but I think this may have a ring of truth in. If you have time, will you help me understand this statement? If not, I understand and I really am grateful for your comment. Thank you.🙂
@WildMountainRose I didn't pick up from the original story that the drinking was every night.
It is good that you can chat to him in the morning and that he is receptive to conversation.
He does not seem to be a happy person. Drinking each night with some smoking indicates a desire to escape. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness, but sometimes a friend can assist us in getting us back to that state or prompting a change in us.
You have time in the morning to chat about what is happening. You have used it to get a little change, now, maybe you can get him and yourself looking at a bigger change for both of your benefit.
You have your health challenges, but so does he. If he continues the way he is going, his mental and physical health will deteriorate, and he will not be able to assist himself or yourself.
Every person, no matter how old, can change. My father, at 93, knew he had to grow functionality in his brain through exercise. He did it!
@ZeusdelightThank you so so so very much for explaining your thoughts further. I can't tell you how much this helps. This is something I can do, and something I think will really help. Thank you for giving me hope for both myself and my Husband. I appreciate your help so much more than words can say. ❤
