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Why do women on dating sites not even reply in messages

I've been looking at match.com and if I find a funny profile or something that really makes me smile, I message them and say than you, it was very funny. Or I love your smile in such and such picture, then I tell them I hope they are having a very good day. It's not like I'm asking them out or being creepy or anything. Am I?
Thingschange4444 · 56-60, M
Its very different for men and women on dating sites. Very few women respond because lots of guys are just dirty dogs out for a fuck whereas more women probably look for commitment. Women are probably more choosy.whereas most (not all of course) guys will message anything with a eye and a pulse. Lol
Awww 😢. I know I would be very selective. I think what you're seeing is how impersonal those sites are. In other words how easy it is to throw messages away and not think anything of it or understand someone was interested and took their time to write a genuine message. Maybe your messages aren't engaging enough. If all you're saying is hello and giving compliments well then thanks... have a nice day. Ask questions, and write something that can't be interpreted as generic. Good-luck!
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@chris62ca: Yeah, no way I'd do that. If I'm messaging it's cause there's something specific about your profile that I'm liking, interested in, commenting about. Can't copy paste that. Unless all you're saying is "I like your pictures" or "you're pretty". That's very generic. But commenting about a specific thing said in the middle of the profile, I would think shows you cared about what she wrote so you're not just trolling for anyone.
chrisCA · M
@convertedshell: One complaint women have is that they feel that men do not take the time to read their profile.
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@chris62ca: I guess that's what gets me a little confused. I understand that complaint. It's why I figured talking about something in their profile I liked would show I cared about reading about her and her thoughts.
SW-User
It's a dating site. They're not interested
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@AiramNude: I guess maybe you're right, but how do you expect to find someone fun to hang out with and maybe fine a connection if you don't just have conversation. Isn't that the point?
SW-User
Physical appearance is also an important factor in selecting a "life long" mate
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@AiramNude: Right, I understand that. It's a real thing, I don't blame anyone for that. It's just sad that no simple reply of saying "thanks" or something. It shows appreciation and kind of says "I'm not interested" as well cause there's no conversation there. I get that.
LadyGrace · 70-79
I have no idea. Perhaps they looked at your profile and didn't care for it. People are strange sometimes. I wouldn't take it personally.
LadyGrace · 70-79
@convertedshell: No, you certainly don't. I've run into that myself. Every time someone wrote me who I didn't like, I at least had the decency to acknowledge them and write them back. I think that's awful. I'm done with that sort of thing.
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@GraceFromEP: Well, I thank you, Grace. From the bottom of my heart. It's to have some responses. I thank you for responding here too. Thinking of those messages makes me see myself in a room with women and guys all around and I say something and the women just keep walking by like I said nothing. Kind of sad really. lol
LadyGrace · 70-79
@convertedshell: I know. Been there, done that. It's disheartening. People are rude. People could at least respond. I hope it gets better for you.
samanthabelle · 26-30, F
10% are bnot real profiles butr company postings to get guys to pay more
chrisCA · M
@convertedshell: You just have to weed them out. It is all a numbers game, just like sales.
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@chris62ca: Yeah, I'm trying. You know, it would be great if there was a realestate agent for dating.
EnigmaticGeek · 61-69, M
@samanthabelle More like 95% are bots or paid staff on a lot of sites. I always read the Terms of Service now before I even join a site for free. If they use Love Stars, or any other term for profiles that are bots or paid actors, I skip those sites entirely. It's impossible to determine exactly how many actual matches are on the sites who use fake profiles, so I won't waste my time on them.
convertedshell · 46-50, M
I did feel akward once cause there was a waitress in a place I was eating at by myself that I thought was cute. I felt horrible cause I was being texted by a female friend at work and she was saying just ask if she's seeing anyone. It will help your confidence to just ask. So I did. She said she was engaged and I said congratulations. She came back later and gave me more water smiling and said it was very bold of me to ask. I felt like a creep then though so I still gave her a big tip. I'm a lost cause trying to make an introduction. No matter the situation I feel like a creep saying anything in person. lol
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@convertedshell: Believe it or not, that was the first time I ever asked someone in person who I thought was cute if they were seeing anyone. On the one hand, it seemed polite to do. But on the other it seems creepy to me. I didn't see a ring on her hand so I figured it was her way of saying no thank you. I mean it's her job. I totally understand. I'd hate getting hit on at work. It's just so hard to figure out what the right thing to do is.
@convertedshell:
better to meet women in other venues. Perhaps take a class, or have friends or relatives set you up with someone. Waitresses get hit on all the time.
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@ColleenOhara: I know, that's why I was feeling really nervous doing it. It's why I didn't want to but I figured if my friend who is a married woman said it would help me start to feel better, I'd try it. I've tried the setup thing. Got some friends knowing I'd love to meet some people they think might match up with me. Infact doing that I've got my first friend outside of work here. I liked her but she wanted just friends so I was okay with that. Still gave her the Oakly sunglasses I had planned to buy for her birthday. I loved the look on her face when I ask "where these the ones you liked?" She couldn't say yes cause of the price but I didn't care. She went through a divorce as well and I wanted to get her something she enjoyed. Nothing expected in return. A gift from a friend. Baked her a birthday cake as well cause she always baked her own before.
Probably they are getting hundreds of messages. And there are too many to respond to.
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@ColleenOhara: Yeah, but introverts watch and sometimes grow up having a hard time feeling comfortable talking to people they don't know in public. That's me. I feel like I'm the nicest person in the world. I volunteered to take my ex wife's debt on so she'd be debt free in the divorce and when she didn't want to take the car cause she didn't have a license I picked her up from her place and drove her to work for a year after. I don't try to be abrasive toward anyone.
@convertedshell:
Don't give up. I am sure you will find someone out there. Some women take advantage of men, who are too nice. Good luck guy.
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@ColleenOhara: Thank you. I won't give up, but it's just kind of hard sometimes. Honestly, I never thought the phrase nice guys finish last was anything but a phrase, but I have come to realize it's kind of really a thing.
SW-User
They're picky because they can afford to be. They don't have to put in the effort, so they just don't. Dating sites are an absolute sausage fest.
SW-User
I made a few profiles on one or two of them and then deserted them. I cannot stand most of the people I have run into on those sites. They are shallow and unrealistic many times.
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@justmerae: Sounds like a good plan to me. I don't think I'm shallow either, but that doesn't mean looking is a waste of time. I feel complete in my life mostly except a love, a best friend, a companion. My hope won't fault on that. :)
SW-User
@convertedshell: I just didn't like it.
It turned me off in so many ways.
Perhaps these women had the same experiences and just abandoned the profile?
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@justmerae: That's entirely possible. But some of them show as online when I messaged them. It is what it is though. I shall try still.
Butterflykisses24 · 51-55, F
I think you might want to try a different dating site if that one isn't working out.
Butterflykisses24 · 51-55, F
@convertedshell: maybe try a little younger age bracket I don't know.
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@Daisy47: Well, I'm already looking around from about 30 to 42. I wouldn't want to go younger because of emotional and life experience. It's just harder to find someone in a lower age bracket that would really be looking for what I am I think. I appreciate you trying to help, Daisy. I like coming here though because of all the points of view and the good chat. :)
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@Daisy47: Like I just found a 26 year old that is only looking for someone that makes 50k or more a year from what she selected. I'm not saying that's bad of her, but I don't understand how the amount of money you make has anything to do with the compatibility of one persons personality with your own.
convertedshell · 46-50, M
Oh and I love it, I get "likes" from women on the other side of the country. Those are the ones I don't even look at. Fake I'd expect. Now if they messaged me, I'd reply to say thanks for the like and message or what not, but I'm realistic. Who's going to go to a dating site to find people on the other side of the world or the country.
Tminus6453 · M
Cause there are 200 other dudes vying for her attention also...dating sites are complete shit for meeting people
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@chris62ca: Yeah, I'm trying. I'm going out sometimes and trying to get better at it.
chrisCA · M
@convertedshell: Don't use just one site either.
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@chris62ca: Yeah, I've got an eharmony account as well. Just have even less responses on that one cause you gotta pay money to chat. At least with match I can pay a bit more and anyone I message can message me back for free.
Fussybear · 31-35, F
Why bother with them if they're like that 🖖
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@Fussybear: That's the thing, I don't know they're like that till I try to message just to say, hey, I loved that picture or I really agree with your thoughts on honesty or whatever her statement is.
samanthabelle · 26-30, F
read what happened to ashley madison
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@samanthabelle: Yup. Glad I wasn't on there. I don't want to break up a relationship. I want to start one. lol
chrisCA · M
Women can be pretty shallow on dating sites. I feel sorry for short men.
chrisCA · M
@convertedshell: True.
LadyGrace · 70-79
@chris62ca: True!
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@chris62ca: Well, I agree there. Same with the guys. It's why I try to look at profiles in detail and see what ideas the women are expressing they are looking for and who they are. If you have just one sentence, I can't tell anything from that, so I generally won't try to start conversation.
convertedshell · 46-50, M
I appreciate all of your input so much from this site. Honestly, anytime I'm feeling down I can come here and talk about it with someone and feel a little better about myself or the situation. I really do enjoy the conversations. I just wish people like us were on those dating sites. sigh
convertedshell · 46-50, M
That's what I don't get, I know they read the message because they go look at my profile but never even say a word. I just don't get it. I like to think I'm not that creepy.
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convertedshell · 46-50, M
@ToothyCarnivine: Lol, no I'm messaging people around my age. I'm 39 so I'm messaging women in their 30's. I'm not trying to hook up with people not in my age group even. They're all just nice comments about things. It's not like I'm asking for a nude picture or something.
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@ToothyCarnivine: And besides, I'm 39. I'm not looking for a hot body. I want to find someone at least close to my age to have similar interests, life experience, people that enjoy 80s and 90s music. Not women that are like, "who's smashing pumpkins".
Walkingparadox · 31-35, F
Maybe they expect creepy man?
chrisCA · M
Guys have to work harder on dating sites. To stand out from the crowd.
Women get so many messages, so they can afford to be choosy.
Don't comment on their pics early during the initial chats. They are used to it.
convertedshell · 46-50, M
@chris62ca: Well that's not all I'm doing. It's not like I'm hitting on them from their picture. I'm an honest person. If I like how your smile really looks on you, I'm going to say it. But I get your point. Can't expect those ones to respond. I'm sure they get lots.
JP1119 · 36-40, M
Yes! I've had the same experience.
lechatnoir · 26-30, F
IDk man they are weird
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