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Why do men in relationships visit prostitutes...?

So, the saga continues but a more interesting twist.
He had condoms in his dresser. He got them several months ago, he claimed they were for when we had sex during certain times of my cycle or when he got a strange bump and didn't want to rub it raw.

So I knew about them but 6 months ago, they had been separated by drawer and some were missing, two to be exact. He claimed that if he kept a certain amount in the top drawer of his dresser, and then couldn't find them in the top drawer he'd look in the middle drawer and so on until he eventually got to the ones in the bottom and that would tell him it's time to buy more.

He has a tendency to change his stories when confronted so, when I asked 6 months ago why there were some missing and he gave me yet another b.s. excuse,I decided to take pictures and put them in a secure folder on my cell phone that I only knew the code to. That way, I wouldn't forget how many were in there and how many we'd used. Also, we agreed that if he grabbed any to use together, he'd tell me ... cause his excuse for the missing condoms was we'd used them, I just didn't remember.

Fast forward to this morning after he conveniently forgot he had 30 days to make his departure, I decided to take a peek at his stock pile. Low and behold, two condoms are missing from the top drawer and he didn't use them with me.

Also, we've not been able to use his Jeep Renegade for the past 5 months because he's "had fishing stuff in there and there's no room" so we've always taken my vehicle. About a week ago I noticed the fishing bucket he had in the floor board of the passenger seat had been moved to the trunk, the fast food wrappers were also gone.

He's a truck driver and has been for a long while, his mother was a prostitute who didn't raise him but he still has memories of some of his time being spent with her. So, with that and the fact he's admitted to having cheated on girlfriends before and in the first 6 months of our relationship I found he was perusing Escorts while we were on vacation... I'm left with one question.

Why do men in relationships visit escorts or prostitutes?
I've tried so hard to understand... I gave 110% to him and this relationship and he ... used me. Sadly I'm a gigantic idiot because it's not the first time I've had this happen.
In a selfish world where does a giver thrive?
Vivaci Best Comment
You remind me of myself from 10 years ago.

Sorry he’s such a jerk….

The things I’ve learned since then, trying to find answers to those questions is this:

[quote][i]Cheaters will always be cheaters.

They will just look for excuses to blame his shortcomings on you or downright lie and think that he’s fooling everyone.

It doesn’t matter how beautiful or nice their partner is….in fact in most of the cases, he will cheat because of his insecurities.

Nothing you do or say will stop him from this habit.

[/i][/quote]

I found my peace of mind when I stopped loving and caring for him. Didn’t bother who he is sleeping around with or why.
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@Vivaci It sucks but it's comforting to know others have been through the same thing.
He definitely has some insecurities. Right now, I just feel so isolated with this.

I used to visit several brothels every day except Sundays, and my wife was ok with this, mostly because i was their postman (mailman). 😁
PatKirby · M
@Gumbodidlo

Did you ever 'ring twice'?
@PatKirby the postman always rings twice 😁
bhatjc · 46-50, M
@Gumbodidlo Always bro
Jorogumo · F
I am sorry this has happened for you. You deserve someone better and someone who can be honest as a bare minimum.

I know at times when we feel like all we do is give and there doesn’t seem to be any reciprocity it can feel like there is no one out there at all.

The best thing is to protect yourself with boundaries and knowing that as soon as someone does not do the right thing by us and isnt respectful, stand firm and say no more.
PatKirby · M
For the same reason contemporary women entitle themselves to cheat, then boast about it openly to their gfs. Cheating is an equal opportunity activity and a two-way street that goes both ways. So what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Why bother getting married.
black4white · 56-60, M
He is determined to self destruct and not much you can do honestly ask him to seek therapy or help to find out WHY he is doing what he does.

Good luck
So many men lack the emotional intelligence to express their feelings, desires and thoughts and it leads to cheating and dishonesty. This should in no way excuse his or other mens behaviour but as a society we should rethink what it means to be a man so that future generations of men feel more secure in their masculinity and don't repress emotions.

You deserve honesty, love and respect. You deserve better.
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@RebelliousSpirit After sleeping on it, it makes me wonder, what do I really deserve? If the majority of men have difficulty communication (which is a HUGE issue in my relationship) is it worth it to hang in there and fight through with him until we achieve something workable?
At the moment, I won't get to explore that because I don't intend on staying in any kind of relationship with out professional help. When I've mentioned it, he likes to dance away from it and never gives an answer expect to change the subject.
redredred · M
I’m just spitballing here but “straightlacedlady” might be a bit of a giveaway. There is no prize given for the most ladylike sex life. No one stays bored if they have options.
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@redredred That's not my chosen username and if anything I've learned from here, the username doesn't mean squat.
Besides, do you how erotic and sexy straight laces can be... helloo...
I digress, to imply I'm prude based on my username is not fair assessment. In fact, I'm actually the care free open one in regards to anything goes between us as long as it stays between us. He's actually the one who thinks he has to hide his fetishes and desires. I can see them a mile away but give him what he needs when he's willing.
So... nope the issue isn't me.
I believe it's a childhood trauma that causes prostitutes to be a taboo of sorts for him. I've dressed up in a slutty prostitute like way just to test my theory and let's just say, it went over better than expected.
All kinds of reasons:
in some circumstances, to loose his virginity or learn more about sex,
his significant other (SO) has a lower libido than he does,
his significant other doesn't like certain types of turn on that are important to him,
he prefers the organic experience inside a woman when he's away on long work journeys (finds it more satisfying than masturbation),
he likes variety,
he thinks that if she doesn't know, and he doesn't catch an STD or create a pregnancy, then he's doing no harm,
he prefers the paid transaction because it involves no emotions & doesn't threaten his love for his SO
he earns enough spare cash to be able to afford it.
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@hartfire Thanks. The most aggravating part is reading through that list and my brain still scrambling to find that satisfaction in understanding why while knowing it doesn't really matter.
@StraightLacedLADY
I think TheManHimself makes a good point.
A man who likes to visit sex workers is probably not going to stop until his testosterone drops below the threshold of desire - somewhere around 70-80 for the average man.
Realistically, you either accept the compromise in remaining with him, or you leave and create a new life.
I just hope you don't have kids to complicate the issue of stay or go.
Faith13praise · 51-55, M
with some it is because they are not getting any, others maybe they get something that they dare not ask you for.
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@Faith13praise What about people who might suffer from PTSD and already have are semi-addict to gambling?
justanothername · 51-55, M
@StraightLacedLADY If your husband is semi addicted to gambling then the hooker is probably his version of rewarding himself after a night gambling his money away.

You should talk to your husband. Don’t judge him, don’t chastise him. Just ask him and listen to his answer.
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@justanothername he's not my husband. He's now my ex boyfriend that has 3 weeks to move out. The decision was made before today. We can't talk, he doesn't want to talk about our issues, he won't even go to therapy.
Anielka · 51-55, F
Married men usually have girlfriends because the girlfriend will do things the wife won't do.
Anielka · 51-55, F
@RebelliousSpirit yes it might be but it happens and I'm not saying it's right.
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@Anielka I agree, in some relationships, that's a possibility...
Zonuss · 41-45, M
Lust of the flesh
Spiritual immorality.
Indecisiveness.
Uncleanliness.
Never being satisfied.
As the [b]Bible[/b] itself tells us clearly that the flesh is never [b] satisfied.[/b]
SlaveEt · 31-35, F
I have no idea why people cheat on their partners. There are many excuses.
I hope you find someone worthy of your love, loyalty and devotion. I hope you find your person and your happiness soon.
DrWatson · 70-79, M
Years ago, I read a review of a book written by a prostitute. The author is quoted as saying, "Some men have trouble attaching their sexual fantasies to the women they love."
Not all men do.
Many can't afford it.
Some prefer real intimacy and love and are faithful by nature - though probably a fairly small percentage - guessing 10-30%.
justanothername · 51-55, M
Usually it’s because you can get a hooker to do what ever you ask them with no repercussions.
Have you thought about asking your husband if there is anything he would like to try in bed that you haven’t done during your marriage?
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@Slade Don't tease me right now... I'm a little sad.
That did make me chuckle a little though 😊
justanothername · 51-55, M
@StraightLacedLADY sounds like you have made the right decision kicking him to the curb.
Slade · 56-60, M
@StraightLacedLADY 🤗❤️
TheStarsareout · 56-60, M
Well at least at the end of his life he can look back and say he has had some fun in his life
CopperFox420 · 36-40, F
@TheStarsareout wtf 🤦‍♀️
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@TheStarsareout That's so wrong... so very wrong... 😏
Quimliqer · 61-69, MVIP
Maybe it time for a come to Jesus moment and if he’s not willing to do that, I guess it gets tougher..
Thank you for BC, SLL. 🙏🏼💖 Wishing you get out of this situation soon, and safely.
zonavar68 · 51-55, M
Ewww I've never used or paid a sex worker as 'getting my rocks off' is something I want to share with someone special not some ons/nsa thing whether it's a sex worker or not. I do not go to bars/clubs to try and 'pick up' women btw.

It's so revolting to even consider a guy in a relationship would do such a thing.
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@zonavar68 I agree... its inconceivable to me, i don't undertand... just don't get it.
My dear, the more pertinent question is why are you with him? You are clearly willing to stick around for the mess so perhaps just enjoy the parts you are willing to stay for, and live with the parts that aggravate you since they aren't enough to make you leave. People treat you how you allow them to treat you.
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@TheManHimself Absolutely. I agree with everything you said. I constantly tell my self the same thing. However, I have this sadistic habit of believing the best in people, even if they can't see it themselves, and stick with people who ... may or may not deserve it because the mess doesn't really bother me, at first.
I'm a patient person, but eventually I can't handle the stress, aggravation, and heartache and just want to get away from it all.
Daisyrose · F
Most don’t it’s only the men on here that do for obvious reasons.
OldBrit · 56-60, M
Ouch.

I can't answer as I've never done that.
BigBulge · 41-45, M
A giver thrives in prostitution. They give a man what he can't get at home.
You're being extremely unrealistic.
Men want and need variety.
So, stop playing detective and nagging your poor husband, or very soon, he won't want to have sex with you at all.
Slade · 56-60, M
@BigBulge Idiot
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@BigBulge 🤣 He's not my husband he's an ex boyfriend that has a little over two weeks to get out my house. But if that's what guys want, I suppose B.O.B is always Energizer faithful.... 😆
MrBrownstone · 41-45, M
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@MrBrownstone It was this little red bump at the base, I figured it was an infected hair folic... but it went away fairly quickly and hasn't happened again. He said we should use a condom though because it he didn't want to rub it raw.
CopperFox420 · 36-40, F
Givers cannot thrive. We have to protect ourselves.
CopperFox420 · 36-40, F
@StraightLacedLADY Did you miss them? Don’t sell your intuition short. You kinda knew right?
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@CopperFox420 You're right, I didn't miss them, I explained them away because I believe everyone is good until they give me a reason to believe otherwise.
If I stop hoping though that means there are more of those kind of people in the world and... that's heartbreaking.
CopperFox420 · 36-40, F
@StraightLacedLADY heartbreak is unavoidable 🖤
Wiseacre · F
Men are biologically made that way...sorry for the bad news.
Zonuss · 41-45, M
@Wiseacre Both men and women are equally as corrupt .
These men aren't sleeping by themselves if a [b] prostitute [/b] is involved. So squash the blame game. 🙂
Wiseacre · F
@Zonuss not a blame game...TRUTH!
Convivial · 26-30, F
I heard it best expressed as men want a Madonna for a wife but a whore for a bed partner...
zonavar68 · 51-55, M
@Convivial eww both Madonna and a whore are disgusting. Just saying. ;-)
wonkywinky · 51-55, M
hes a real catch by the sound of it,drop this vile snake now.
MrBrownstone · 41-45, M
To support women financially?
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@MrBrownstone That's awful... 😆
bhatjc · 46-50, M
A ago old question
Max41 · 26-30, M
What .
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@Max41 so the pretty and sexy face of a woman?
tacobell · 26-30, M
From stories I heard, they are tired of being in a relationship aren't being satisfied. It clears he doesn't care about you because he is risking your health.
caccoon · 36-40
Because they're terrible at communicating and connecting to their partner
StraightLacedLADY · 41-45, F
@caccoon Yeah... that makes sense in my situation.

 
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