Should I ask him what happened or just leave it as is? If he really wanted to see me, he would have made the effort despite my responses right?

This sounds so much like a millennial friend of mine...

Sorry, but I'm going to be a little brutal here...

No, he probably sees you as for exactly what your responses were and what they indicated. Not a single one of the male species have ever attended courses for "mindreading'.

WTF is it about the need to ask for "where do you see things going?". Most guys when confronted with that question after six dates would run... (as they should). You just put pressure on him... THEN... when he didn't tell you exactly what you wanted to hear, you threatened him (can I see other guys?).

Why do you need affirmation?...IE Just see other guys if that is what you feel you need to do. YOU DON'T need to tell him you are going to do this.... Because now you appear a little slutty to him and he will friend zone you. BTW: Did you tell him he could see other women? If he asked you that, how would you respond?


And when he didn't tell you exactly what you wanted to hear you followed through with your threat (I have plans anyway). I hope YOU mentioned that those plans were with your sister or explained them away somehow ... because if you did not he most probably ASSUMED that you were seeing someone else that night.

Then you say you "distanced" yourself from him.
= = =


Sorry, but at this point in time you actions have probably led him to beleive that you are an enigma of mixed signals....


Another missed opportunity to have a dialog that could go a long ways towards mending fences... Instead, you just blew him off.......


At this point he has strong suspicions that you will reject him. And FRAGILE guys don't like that one iota.....

He probably sees this whole "he should take charge" crap as another opportunity for you to reject (or distance) yourself from him.

OK...moving on from why you are an enigma to why is he fragile.....
Simple and blunt... If he is 32, he is way past the "commit" age. So he is either living in his parent's basement or has been royally shit on in past relationships and has a serious fear of commitment. If you pressure him he will fold like an origami. My guess as a past "leader of men" is that he is one of the good guys that have been toyed with and now find themselves single and early-mid thirties. If you want to repair this relationship there really is only one way to do it... You have to treat him with "kid gloves".

It is 2020, pull on your big girl panties! Ask him to coffee. Lay it out on the table. IE: I like you, I like the way you treat me, I like us and I'm sorry.. I have now realized that I may have given you a plethora of mixed signals and I would like to start over. How can we do this?

You will either get his "buy-in" or he will reject you outright. But that is the chance you have to take if you think you want to pursue his company.

Then comes the hard part.... You have to let your relationship develop over time. It is a gamble.... How much time? No one really knows. Push too hard and too soon for "affirmation" and you risk his running.

I have friends that have been in a relationship for many years with the absence of a ring. and I have friends who just married that have been together 5 years and have 2 kids.

If there is one thing I want you to take away from this write-up, it is this... COMMUNICATE and then COMMUNICATE some more. AND PLAY SAFE... a surprise from the gynecologist will f*ck this up like Hogan's Goat..... (more pressure too soon).

In my view, six dates is not nearly enough to make up one's mind about whether to commit.
Committing is for life - so you need to know someone very, very well before making a vow of fidelity.

There are some ways to speed things up when your biological clock is running out of time for trouble-free baby-making.

Make a list of your absolute no-go attributes in a partner. If smoking ciggies is a big deal for you, make sure he doesn't even before the first date.

Establish the basics on or before the first date.

~ Do you share common values on things like honesty, responsibility, kindness, manners, beliefs, politics, class, race, gender equality (or otherwise) and so on? The more of these you share, the greater the likelihood of long-term success as a couple. If you share few or none, expect conflicts and tension.

~ Are your careers (work hours, workplace, ambitions and goals) compatible? If there was a change that was incompatible, who would make the sacrifices and how easy would it be for that person to cope with giving up their goals? Do you like, respect and admire each other's goals, (so you can be mutually supportive.)

~ Do you both want children? If so when, and how many? And do you both agree on the basics of how to raise kids?

~ Are you both committed to personal growth and development? Do you have the determination to be proactive about it? Can you both see a primary relationship as an excellent way to support each other in maturing?

~ Do you share common interests and tastes, for instance, in music, movies, shared exercise or hobbies?
Do you also have differences in interests and goals that will bring freshness to the relationship?


On the second date you can go deeper, and explore possible things that might not be so good.
- Does either of you have an addiction? (Remember most addicts lie about this, so watch behaviour carefully - can he have an evening without drinking.)
- Does either of you have a disability, or a genetic disorder? If so, how would you both adapt?
- Does either of you have history of trauma, crime, or mental or physical illness? To what extent does this information affect your choices?

On the third date you could ask about sexual history - have they had any sexually transmitted diseases? What is their current sexual health status? Would they (and you) be willing to take an AIDS test and wait (celibate) for 3 months?
Have they had many affairs or only a few? How long? How did they end? Was there a pattern? If so what was it? Does he seem open and honest about these things? If he's reluctant to say, that's a bad sign.
Look for signs of controlling behaviour. Is he finicky about being exactly on time? How does he handle it if you are 5 minutes late but don't ring to say so? How does he handle it if you are half and hour late but do ring?

If you get past all that, and then after dating each other for a while, you feel things are going really well - then you probably have a good basis on which to build a serious relationship.

But remember, when people fall in love, they are blind to (or excusing of) the other person's flaws.
By the time two years have elapsed, the bliss hormones start to fade; each person starts to see who the other really is. The cracks and the dark sides start to show.
This is the make or break time. If you have good communication skills, each argument will help you understand each other better and grow closer. As in-love fades, real love starts to grow.
But if neither of you have good skills, things will start to fall apart - and then it's better to break than to continue into long term misery.

A good test is to spend time travelling together, preferably in close confinement in a tent or caravan, and with problems to solve such as in camping or abseiling.

I'd say never commit before spending at least two years together - and certainly don't risk having kids until you are both sure, and both in agreement.

He knows or senses you've been pushing him away, so no wonder he's keeping his distance. If you like him and want to be with him, let him know and ask him out... it's 2020, you don't have to wait for the guy to ask you

By your short responses to his texts, you may have sent him a signal that you were not interested in him. It takes a while for some people to get to know his/her partner. You can do it in six dates, but it may take him longer.

He sounds commitment-phobic to me. If he were serious he'd have asked you out again by now. Sorry you got more attached than he did. From the little that I know I think you would be wasting your time pursuing him, despite your feelings. Just my thoughts. Take care, now.

I would rather you not ask him about the past. Just casually ask him out yourself this time. Besides it wasn't the first or second time you'd be in a date, and treat it as another start for you.

I've ALWAYS jumped at the chance to be with someone I wanted and wouldn't ever be all hokey pokey about it...maybe that's just me though.