How does one become more grateful towards their partner?

I was emotionally abused by a close friend for many years and it has caused some pretty intense emotional scars. I am now finding it hard to be grateful and loving towards my loving and amazing boyfriend of almost 2 years. I love him so much and he treats me like an absolute princess and is so supportive of everything I do. He knows about my past and everything. But lately I’m having a hard time letting him in and being grateful for everything he does for me and I am feeling so guilty about it. But in the moment my irritation and insecurities take over and I can’t just say thank you. I have to get upset over something. I can’t keep hurting him like this even though he says he’s fine it is straining our relationship. Please if anyone has advice I am all ears.

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REMsleep · 41-45, F Best Comment

Start with 3 areas of improvement that you want to work on with him. Examples would be somethong like gratitude, reciprocity, and special occassions.
So every time that he does something that if he were your mom or a stranger that you would normally feel the need to thank him for, pause and think about what you want to do AND WHY.
Do you want to discourage a good relationship? Do you want to loose him? Think logically. If being a good person to him encourages him to hurt you emotionally wouldn't it be better to know now rather than later? Hasn't he already shown you his character? You must give what you want to receive. Hurt people hurt people and all that. Do not act from a place of emotion. Act based on logic. Emotions will catch up.

islandgirl55 · 26-30, F

@REMsleep Thank you so much. This is the hardcore truth that I needed. Because you are absolutely right, he has already shown me who he is and I need to trust that and act on logic because that is all I have right now that isn't scarred and broken.

PhilDeep · 51-55, M

I think recovery from abuse is not an easy thing and it affects further relationships. I thunk at least try to find some good books on recovering, if not get professional support if you feel it's needed. All the best in your relationship.

ArtieKat · M

It has to come from inside you, I'm afraid. I went through what you're putting him through with the ex-love-of-my-life - "ex", because I eventually had to walk away (with tears in my eyes) to preserve my own sanity.

I don't think you have to be grateful, and show gratitude, for everything he does - but you must avoid showing ingratitude unless you want to end up alone and even more hurt.

No easy answer......

SW-User

Let him play with your boobs. 😋

islandgirl55 · 26-30, F

@SW-User There's no shortage of that, I promise!

SW-User

@islandgirl55 make him fell special 🙃

Kerrmit84 · 36-40, M

Its scary because in any relationship you have to open yourself up to the possibility of being hurt. Its normal for you to be pritecting your feelings but if you can relax your self a little at a time letting yourself feel the real relationship you will be able to move into a much more positive place

islandgirl55 · 26-30, F

@Kerrmit84 I do need to relax. We are both stressed right now because it is finals at the university, I lost my health insurance, I am leaving for a month next week, and we both have family drama. I am a keyed up person naturally, but you're right, I have to do something to relax cause this is ruining my relationship. He loves me, but there will be a breaking point eventually if I don't change.

Spoiledbrat · F

I think it’s normal to put up a front since you’ve become painfully aware that people can hurt you. It’s a normal response by your brain to protect yourself.

islandgirl55 · 26-30, F

@Spoiledbrat Agreed, and thankfully he was around me as a friend when everything was happening to me, so he knows all the players and my past very well. He was actually one of the people who convinced me that I was in an abusive relationship because I couldn't see it even when it turned physical. I just don't understand why now, entering our second year together, that I am getting more and more freaked out about it all.

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