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I Have To Say About Dating And Relationships

I am lost whether I am settling or not. I have been in a relationship with this guy for almost 2 years now. He is great and I have love hanging out with him but there are countless of times that I have seriously spoken to him about something that he needed to change. Now, I've seen some changes but they are changes that lead to nowhere, we are not progressing, they are like band aids that temporarily fix the problem. Now I dont mean to change him as a person but I am confused whether I am waiting for something that is not going to happen or am just impatient. It has been months and have not seen any real progress. He is a great guy, but I fear that I will wake up one day and not feel anything for this guy. What do you think? need more info?
Misskc23
31-35, F
29 replies 174 views Aug 3, 2018
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greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
You mentioned drinking and that is serious. Don't count on him changing. Addictions are seriously troubling and you've probably only seen the tip of an iceberg. Also, giving you less affection than you need is also a serious problem which is unlikely to improve no matter what he says. I would ditch him and find someone better.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 9, 2021
Tukudo · 41-45, M
Don't try to change anyone..just decide is he enough for you..otherwise move on..!
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · May 21, 2021
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
What did you decide?
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · May 22, 2021
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Misskc23 have things improved?
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · May 22, 2021
Misskc23 · 31-35, F
@Mellowgirl most yes. There are areas that still need improvement but comparing then to now - lots have improved.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · May 22, 2021
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Misskc23 that's lovely to hear glad to hear it x
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · May 22, 2021
RebeccaJP · 36-40, F
It sounds like you’re in a similar position to me. However, my boyfriend completely dismisses any problems I have in the relationship because he doesn’t see them as a problem. I think life is too short to be with someone who isn’t meeting your needs. We deserve happiness and the relationship we want, and if that’s not your current relationship, I think it’s best to end it. That’s what I’m doing.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Apr 19, 2019
Notmesam
Accept him for who he is or leave. Don’t try to change him, you cant..
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Aug 3, 2018 · Edited: 6 yrs ago
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
What you see is what you get. If you are referring to drinking, drug addiction, gambling or illegal activities...run!

It sounds like he is doing just enough to convince you he wants to change, but not enough to actually change.

Two years is a long time. You know him by now. He is what he is.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Aug 4, 2018
MarkPaul · 26-30, M
Sounds like maybe you need to make some changes of your own.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Aug 3, 2018
MarkPaul · 26-30, M
@Misskc23 Yes, it definitely should be a two-way street which involves mutual reciprocation that, ideally, is based on desire rather than mandate.

You say, you have catered to him more. Does he agree? It sounds like you are keeping score which is always a sign that communication is lacking. Both of you should reciprocate, both of you should be accepting, and you both should adjust. If it's a matter of keeping an even score though, it is probably best for each of you to move on.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Aug 3, 2018
Misskc23 · 31-35, F
@MarkPaul Well the best way to put it is I show my affection fairly well. I am not clingy but I think I am coming to a point where I am getting somewhat frustrated. I have voiced these concerns multiple times...and like all those times, he has agreed with me and has vowed that "it will change" but I've come to a point that I am counting days (without him knowing) hoping that things do change but it has not. Its a vicious cycle of the same thing over and over again. Dont get me wrong, the relationship is not bad. It really isnt. But there are needs that are not being met.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Aug 3, 2018
MarkPaul · 26-30, M
@Misskc23 Clingy isn't necessarily bad. But, it sounds like you are not unhappy, but feel like the relationship should be more than maybe he wants to be into it. Why do you feel like you should stay?
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Aug 3, 2018
Reject · 26-30, M
People don't often change, it takes a lot of love to do that for someone. It does depend on what exactly you're trying to make him change though.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Aug 3, 2018
Prisoner69 · 26-30, M
You will wake up one day and feel disgusted at him.

Better to move on right now
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Aug 3, 2018
AshezNZ · 31-35, F
People have to want to change themselves in order for anything to happen even if we as partners are only looking out for their best interest at heart as hard as it may be sometimes it's easier just to move on
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Aug 3, 2018
Strawberry9999 · 31-35, F
You should sit him down and ask him where he wants this relationship to go
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Aug 3, 2018
Strawberry9999 · 31-35, F
Do you see yourself still being happy in a few years if nothing has changed? @Misskc23
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Aug 3, 2018
Misskc23 · 31-35, F
@Strawberry9999 i honestly dont know. maybe but i dont know if I could envision that
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Aug 3, 2018
Strawberry9999 · 31-35, F
Then I think you should move on. If he’s not giving you the love you need, you should find someone that will. I think you will feel so much better💕@Misskc23
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Aug 3, 2018
SW-User
You need this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Too-Good-Leave-Bad-Stay/dp/0718141776
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Aug 3, 2018
JP1119 · 36-40, M
Update? What did you do? And how is it working out for you?
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 5, 2019
Misskc23 · 31-35, F
@JP1119 well part of the problem is drinking and things have gotten better. Although there are other things that have not changed. I feel like there is this constant problem between him and I regarding affection. Not everyone woman wants affection and I understand that. I told him that I understand he loves me but he needs to communicate it in the form I perceive it as love and up to this day. It feels like pulling teeth and it's very frustrating. sometimes I wonder whether I am settling or just impatient
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 19, 2019
MsAnnThropy
I think you need to end it.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Aug 3, 2018
 
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