I Have To Say About Dating And Relationships

I am lost whether I am settling or not. I have been in a relationship with this guy for almost 2 years now. He is great and I have love hanging out with him but there are countless of times that I have seriously spoken to him about something that he needed to change. Now, I've seen some changes but they are changes that lead to nowhere, we are not progressing, they are like band aids that temporarily fix the problem. Now I dont mean to change him as a person but I am confused whether I am waiting for something that is not going to happen or am just impatient. It has been months and have not seen any real progress. He is a great guy, but I fear that I will wake up one day and not feel anything for this guy. What do you think? need more info?

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MarkPaul · 26-30, M

Sounds like maybe you need to make some changes of your own.

Misskc23 · 31-35, F

@MarkPaul in what aspect

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

@Misskc23 Perhaps become more accepting. Possibly a little more generous in showing gratitude. And, being patient and offering guidance wouldn't hurt.

Misskc23 · 31-35, F

@MarkPaul But what if i've done that? For me, it just feels like I've catered to him more than he's catered to me, or at least reciprocate the type of love I'm giving. I think the question is, should the guy try to reciprocate the love the girl wants to receive or should the girl adjust and accept him for who he is? I thought relationships are a two-way street.

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

@Misskc23 Yes, it definitely should be a two-way street which involves mutual reciprocation that, ideally, is based on desire rather than mandate.

You say, you have catered to him more. Does he agree? It sounds like you are keeping score which is always a sign that communication is lacking. Both of you should reciprocate, both of you should be accepting, and you both should adjust. If it's a matter of keeping an even score though, it is probably best for each of you to move on.

Misskc23 · 31-35, F

@MarkPaul Well the best way to put it is I show my affection fairly well. I am not clingy but I think I am coming to a point where I am getting somewhat frustrated. I have voiced these concerns multiple times...and like all those times, he has agreed with me and has vowed that "it will change" but I've come to a point that I am counting days (without him knowing) hoping that things do change but it has not. Its a vicious cycle of the same thing over and over again. Dont get me wrong, the relationship is not bad. It really isnt. But there are needs that are not being met.

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

@Misskc23 Clingy isn't necessarily bad. But, it sounds like you are not unhappy, but feel like the relationship should be more than maybe he wants to be into it. Why do you feel like you should stay?