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my boyfriend doesn’t like me going clubbing

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 months now n he’s so important to me. He’s really protective n jealous, not that i give him reasons to be jealous, if he doesn’t like something, I won’t do it. Personally I don’t find it “controlling” I think it’s just respecting boundaries, n it’s not like it doesn’t go both ways. If if didn’t like something, he wouldn’t do it either.

I’ve been out clubbing a few times, never to get with guys, I always rejected them, but I just thought it was fun to dress up, get drunk, go out with friends n dance like whatever. My boyfriend thinks that people only go to clubs to get with other ppl n that’s fair enough, that’s the case for most.

n it’s not that he doesn’t trust me, its just why would he want me to be around drunk horny boys when he’s not around? But anyway, my friend is going out clubbing for her bday, n she asked me to go. She asked me last min, she’s going with other people too, n i told her my boyfriend wouldn’t be okay with that, n now she’s mad at me. She said he’s controlling and insecure n she said “you’ve known me longer” i don’t see what that has to do with anything. it’s like she expects me to prioritise her over him. i told her we can do something else for her bday that doesn’t involve clubs n she’s still not happy.
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That's very mature that you have discussed boundaries with your bf. I can definitely see his point of " people only go to clubs to get with other ppl n that’s fair enough, that’s the case for most."

The key is that it goes both ways. If you didn’t like something, he wouldn’t do it either.

Maybe he could go with you to your friends bday?
@Katiecunn12 ooppss - typo "GF"... 🙄
Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F
@VeronicaJane well his days off from work are random so if he has something planned he has to book a holiday for that specific day, he could technically book a holiday for just one day, but i wouldn’t want him out drinking until 4am if he had to be at work 6am the next day
Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F
@VeronicaJane also don’t use abbreviations like that, barbara will come for you
Realifecuckold · 61-69, M
You are fortunate to have received a lot of good feedback from people. My earlier comment about being older, only meant that when you are older, clubbing will seem so passe. But I agree that it is important to you now to be out with your friends.

I also agree with many comments, that if you are with a jealous guy. That means he does not trust you. I also agree with people who say he is insecure. That seems obvious.

I am a senior citizen who has had a lot of fun in my life. I say to you...you are only young once. Have fun, but find a guy who trusts you, and is secure enough to trust you when you want to go out dancing, or when you just want to be with your friends
.
Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F
@Realifecuckold
from my experience going to clubs with friends doesn’t give u a chance to actually spend time with them, they always seem to go away n do they’re own thing n talk to strangers it’s always messy n i feel there’s better ways to spend time with ur friends than to go out clubbing with them. i prefer going to bars with my friends that way we can actually catch up properly n it’s a lot less drama.
Realifecuckold · 61-69, M
@Katiecunn12 That is very true. Clubs are so loud that no one can spend any real time with anyone. The point remains that if you do want some time with your friends, regardless of where you go, your boyfriends still has to trust you.

Write to me sometime if you want to talk more.
Iineedamommy · 18-21, M
@Katiecunn12 well I wish you the best of luck and I hope it works out for you . But he's already stereotyping you which is not good just cuz you want to go to a club with your girlfriends doesn't mean you're going there to hook up and that's what he thinks that's why I said only 3 months in because it's going to get worse and you're going to get sick of it and start arguing with him and then you will see his true colors, but I hope not and I really do hope it works out for you
Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F
@Iineedamommy thank u ❤
Miram · 31-35, F

I think it’s just respecting boundaries, n it’s not like it doesn’t go both ways. If if didn’t like something, he wouldn’t do it either


That is not what boundaries mean. This is the opposite of having boundaries. You draw boundaries so he doesn't cross them. You aren't drawing any. You are allowing him to decide for you.
Miram · 31-35, F
@Katiecunn12 Even if you agreed, this doesn't mean you're drawing boundaries or respecting them.
Miram · 31-35, F
@Katiecunn12 You make the mistake of thinking they are rules the two of you decide together or smt. No, they are rules you draw to create a healthy distance. A boundary.
Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F
@Miram bottom line is i care about his feelings n it’s not like giving up clubbing to protect his feelings is that much of a sacrifice
I’d just pay very careful attention to his behavior. A lot of very toxic even dangerous relationships start out as “he’s just really protective and jealous” and escalate from there. Nobody should be telling you what you can and cannot do.
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Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F
@OlderSometimesWiser he had a 3 year relationship prior to being with me n was cheated on so he left her, that was over a year ago, so i’m thinking maybe he has some trust issues but he’s such a sweet loving person maybe i need to talk to him about it
@Katiecunn12 His prior relationship is no excuse. Yes, sounds like a talk is definitely in order and you need to lay out YOUR boundaries including his not telling you who you can and cannot talk to or be friends with. If he has trust and insecurity issues which he can’t get a handle on, he should go see a therapist. Straighten this out now because it sounds like you’re treading into some potentially dangerous territory.
updown2020 · 61-69, M
You may think its okay now but wait until you cannot see your friends and family any more because your boyfriend will tell you do not need them you have him and wait until he tells you what not to wear and how to spend your money and wait until he asks you why do you lock your phone what are you hiding from me. We all could be wrong yes but we all could be right also. What will you do when he hits you will you just let it go or leave? Do you live with him or are you living at home.
Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F
@updown2020
I mean idk where people are getting all this extra shit from, he’s such a sweet guy, like genuinely so sweet and loving, he’d never lay a hand on me, n he is okay with me wearing whatever i want, n if he wasn’t, i’d tell him straight. he would never keep me away from my friends, he hangs out with his n he doesn’t do double standards, but if he got that crazy which i know he wouldn’t, i’d leave. with the clubbing, i get where he’s coming from, n it goes both ways, he no longer goes out either. he’d be fine with me going clubbing if he came along with me, but he doesn’t want me in that type of atmosphere alone where he doesn’t know if im safe or not. pubs n stuff like that he’s absolutely on board with n no we don’t live together, he was in a 3 year relationship prior to me where he lived with her tho
Ynotisay · M
Gotta' say it. This won't end well.
Jealousy is insecure, immature and selfish. You are the one who will lose in that game.
18-21? I doubt you'll take the advice to move on but I do hope that you'll learn what it is you DON'T want. And I'm not sure anyone really wants a jealous partner.
Realifecuckold · 61-69, M
Why would you go clubbing without your boyfriend? With all due respect, you would not have written this, if you were older.
Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F
@Realifecuckold i went out clubbing a few times before we had ever met so idk what ur talking about
Baremine · 70-79, C
You are right and she is wrong.
HobNoblin · 36-40, M
I know people go to those clubs to hook up. They mean nothing to me though. I don't even drink. I'd rather be in the middle of nowhere hiking and camping. I think clubs are generally places of debauchery where men go to pick up thots and buy drugs. So much of society is like that. People in general seem to have an odd idea of fun. Go into a den of booze and crime to hook up with vicious disease infected women who probably hate you.
Baremine · 70-79, C
@HobNoblin very well spoken.
HobNoblin · 36-40, M
@Baremine I'm surprised anyone agreed. I expected a bunch of people crying about my post and defending going to clubs. "We din dooz nuffin" mentality.
Theyitis · 36-40, M
Sorry. As the song goes, you can’t please everyone so you got to please yourself.
Northwest · M
Looks like you need another friend to hang out with.
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Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F
@Darksideinthenight2
i’d wanna go if i was single but i wouldn’t be able to have fun knowing that my bf feels how he does about it
plankter979 · 51-55, M
He sounds controlling. Hmmm.
Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F
@plankter979 he’s really not, it’s a mutual agreement n he’s perfectly fine with me going to bars but he draws the line at clubbing
Jessmari · 46-50
This dude is gonna pick a fight with your gynecologist one day.
This message was deleted by its author.
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Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F
@Iineedamommy we’ve became really close in that time it feels like longer than 3 months n he treats me really good, he’s sweet and loyal n caring i guess from reading that it might look a bit dodgy but everyone has their opinions
Ferise1 · 46-50, M
@Katiecunn12 I’ve known that kind of love it’s gigantic and it’s fantastic. I’m happy for you.
romell · 51-55, M
It's a two way agreement
Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F
@romell yes
KingofBones1 · 46-50, M
Maybe you shouldn't be humping and pumping on the Dance Floor
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Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F
@KingofBones1
he knows i don’t act like that in clubs that’s not his issue
KingofBones1 · 46-50, M
@Katiecunn12 well then if you don't act like that then he's just insecure
Danger danger impact approaching total destruction probable
Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F
PinkMoon · 26-30, F
You're a bad friend.
Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F
@PinkMoon idc i’ll chose him over her any day, n also it was a last min invite, n i said we could do something else together for her bday don’t see how that makes me a bad friend
Ferise1 · 46-50, M
“I’ve been out clubbing a few times, never to get with guys, I always rejected them, but I just thought it was fun to dress up, get drunk, go out with friends n dance like whatever”
This is fine, he should let you go
Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F
@QCDog2659 it’s nothing to do with dancing
QCDog2659 · 61-69, M
Ferise1 · 46-50, M
@Katiecunn12 yes I would be very okay with it

 
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