my boyfriend doesn’t like me going clubbing

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 months now n he’s so important to me. He’s really protective n jealous, not that i give him reasons to be jealous, if he doesn’t like something, I won’t do it. Personally I don’t find it “controlling” I think it’s just respecting boundaries, n it’s not like it doesn’t go both ways. If if didn’t like something, he wouldn’t do it either.

I’ve been out clubbing a few times, never to get with guys, I always rejected them, but I just thought it was fun to dress up, get drunk, go out with friends n dance like whatever. My boyfriend thinks that people only go to clubs to get with other ppl n that’s fair enough, that’s the case for most.

n it’s not that he doesn’t trust me, its just why would he want me to be around drunk horny boys when he’s not around? But anyway, my friend is going out clubbing for her bday, n she asked me to go. She asked me last min, she’s going with other people too, n i told her my boyfriend wouldn’t be okay with that, n now she’s mad at me. She said he’s controlling and insecure n she said “you’ve known me longer” i don’t see what that has to do with anything. it’s like she expects me to prioritise her over him. i told her we can do something else for her bday that doesn’t involve clubs n she’s still not happy.

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OlderSometimesWiser · F

I’d just pay very careful attention to his behavior. A lot of very toxic even dangerous relationships start out as “he’s just really protective and jealous” and escalate from there. Nobody should be telling you what you can and cannot do.

Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F

@OlderSometimesWiser i get that but he’s not jealous n protective in an irrational way. it’s not like he’s saying u absolutely cannot go out but it’d make him upset n i guess if we don’t respect each others boundaries that’d be more toxic

OlderSometimesWiser · F

@Katiecunn12 Again, I’d still keep a very close eye on his behavior. Ways to make him upset can start to multiply and boundaries he sets can start to suffocate. Everything might turn out just fine, that would be wonderful. But it certainly wouldn’t hurt to stay aware of what’s happening in your relationship.

Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F

@OlderSometimesWiser
yeah of course. he doesn’t have much boundaries, i don’t think anything is really unreasonable. it’s just the clubbing thing he doesn’t like, he’s fine with me dressing his i want, he’s not okay with me talking to other boys or having make friends, but that’s it

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Katiecunn12 · 18-21, F

@OlderSometimesWiser he had a 3 year relationship prior to being with me n was cheated on so he left her, that was over a year ago, so i’m thinking maybe he has some trust issues but he’s such a sweet loving person maybe i need to talk to him about it

OlderSometimesWiser · F

@Katiecunn12 His prior relationship is no excuse. Yes, sounds like a talk is definitely in order and you need to lay out YOUR boundaries including his not telling you who you can and cannot talk to or be friends with. If he has trust and insecurity issues which he can’t get a handle on, he should go see a therapist. Straighten this out now because it sounds like you’re treading into some potentially dangerous territory.