I started talking to someone new and I'm concerned for them

Their life doesn't seem great right now, and while I'm happy to listen and give advice where needed, it's starting to feel like we're going in circles a bit. They talk about the same thing repeatedly even when I ask them questions to try to get a better understanding of what's going on, and they're clearly unhappy but it seems like I can't get through to them that maybe reevaluating things is necessary. I want to help but it seems like there's nothing I can do.

I guess I'm just worried. They seem like a realy nice person and I think I'd like being their friend in future. But for now I'm worried about them.

Top | New | Old

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

It's beautiful that you care, but sometimes we all have to get through things on our own or get help from someone with a background in that kind of support. Encouragement is kindness but don't feel guilty for taking care of yourself.

KiwiDan · 31-35, M

@ScreamingFox don't worry, I'm taking care of myself. I just like to help, but if they don't want my gelp then I'll be around for when/if they do

Mordechai · 31-35, M

One of the things I learned in counselling training and in life is that we can't save anyone, ultimately it's up to the person to change their circumstances or at their own pace.

Best we can do is listen, have your boundaries and a self wellness plan there if you start to feel emotionally drained or sad, eg. You start losing sleep thinking about it, you can't pour from an empty cup.

Infamous607 · 51-55, M

@Mordechai That's what I said.
You just said it more eloquentlier.
😊

KiwiDan · 31-35, M

@Mordechai listening is all I can do anyway. I know I can't save them, but I like to help. If they decide they want to talk I'll be here to listen.

Infamous607 · 51-55, M

It's going to always be like that. And I'm sure you are not the first saviour she comes across. If you're smart you'd let this go and let her move to the next one. Or you can continue to try to make her see things and understand and change. And she'll thank you and you'll feel like you accomplished something good. Until two days later the. Cycle repeats.
They don't want to change. They feed on the attention and validation they get from others.
At some point in their childood they learned that sympathy is almost like the love they were not getting.
They are emotional vampires. They will suck you dry and not in a fun way. At the end. Because there will be an end. You will end up being the bad guy.

Or not.

Just saying.

FoxyQueen · 51-55, F

Maybe suggest they seek some professional assistance who is better equipped to help them work through the situations they are dealing with. Whether that be a therapist, a life coach, a counselor or other type of person.