Robot
4meAndyou · F
I finally LEARNED from my ex of 25 years, and from the man with whom I had a fling after my divorce. The problem is ME.
I am attracted to fun, good time guys. And the relationships I have with them SEEM like love to me at the time, but because I am concentrating on having fun with my guy, I don't spend the time learning the things about them that I should. I don't ask questions. I just want to have fun!
Knowledge gradually percolates through to my consciousness over a period of time, and I find myself stuck with a loser.
I am attracted to fun, good time guys. And the relationships I have with them SEEM like love to me at the time, but because I am concentrating on having fun with my guy, I don't spend the time learning the things about them that I should. I don't ask questions. I just want to have fun!
Knowledge gradually percolates through to my consciousness over a period of time, and I find myself stuck with a loser.
Nightwings · 31-35, F
I have like this weird PTSD thing around lies specifically. My ex cheated on me a lot (we were very young), but apparently it was the lying which got to me, because this day, I would literally prefer my husband cheating over lying. When he lies, my heart starts beating insanely fast, and I literally start to yawn over and over, like I'm not getting enough oxygen, even though I feel like I'm breathing normally, it's sooo uncomfortable. This wouldn't happen if he literally cheated on me with another woman, like wtf?
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Nightwings · 31-35, F
@swirlie Sorry I went on a whole rant lol, I just so often see people online talking about "cutting people out of your life" nowadays, and I don't think that's the best mindset to have. I just feel like the importance of problem solving and leaning empathy gets a bit lost these days.
@Nightwings
I agree. But there is a difference between lying to your partner to avoid having the truth revealed, versus having empathy to make a relationship work at all cost. In fact, the two are not even related to each other in any meaningful way.
You said that your husband still lies to you which means he's not as committed to the program as you are. That was my only point.
I agree. But there is a difference between lying to your partner to avoid having the truth revealed, versus having empathy to make a relationship work at all cost. In fact, the two are not even related to each other in any meaningful way.
You said that your husband still lies to you which means he's not as committed to the program as you are. That was my only point.
Nightwings · 31-35, F
@swirlie No I mean the lying is the problem, the understanding and sympathy is a way to behave to solve the problem.
I honestly have no idea when my husband last time lied to me, but I can imagine that if he was to do certain things I disagree with, like playing poker for instance, he might lie about it, yes.
It is through empathy that I've learned to understand why he lies. He doesn't do it to hurt me. He is extremely non-confrontational, and I'm not going to play a psychologist and pretend that I understand the reason why, but he seems to just be hideously afraid of confrontation in all aspects of his life.
Like okay, so why do something you agreed not to do in the first place then, like playing poker? It can be addiction, and addiction itself can take many forms, so who knows, but it's not because he wants to hurt me. Unlike sleeping around in a relationship, which is pretty much proof that you just don't care about your partner, addiction is actually difficult to overcome on a personal level; it has nothing to do with me.
I feel like I already wrote so much, so I'm not gonna continue the scenario. What I am trying to say is just that shit happens for reasons that they do, and the responses can just as well be rooted in fear, as disrespect. I know he does not disrespect me, he fears my response.
I am not without my flaws, and he accepts my flaws, so I accept his too, but we both want to become each other's ideal partners. We have that common goal.
I honestly have no idea when my husband last time lied to me, but I can imagine that if he was to do certain things I disagree with, like playing poker for instance, he might lie about it, yes.
It is through empathy that I've learned to understand why he lies. He doesn't do it to hurt me. He is extremely non-confrontational, and I'm not going to play a psychologist and pretend that I understand the reason why, but he seems to just be hideously afraid of confrontation in all aspects of his life.
Like okay, so why do something you agreed not to do in the first place then, like playing poker? It can be addiction, and addiction itself can take many forms, so who knows, but it's not because he wants to hurt me. Unlike sleeping around in a relationship, which is pretty much proof that you just don't care about your partner, addiction is actually difficult to overcome on a personal level; it has nothing to do with me.
I feel like I already wrote so much, so I'm not gonna continue the scenario. What I am trying to say is just that shit happens for reasons that they do, and the responses can just as well be rooted in fear, as disrespect. I know he does not disrespect me, he fears my response.
I am not without my flaws, and he accepts my flaws, so I accept his too, but we both want to become each other's ideal partners. We have that common goal.
FrozenWasteland · 61-69, M
We are all, to one extent or another, products of our life experiences. It is unavoidable that past relationships, good or bad, have shaped us and therefore may have an effect of current or future relationships.
The important thing is to recognize this and realize, that while they have affected who we are, they are in the past and they do not dictate how we conduct ourselves in the future (or present).
The important thing is to recognize this and realize, that while they have affected who we are, they are in the past and they do not dictate how we conduct ourselves in the future (or present).
They can make you grow bitter, become lost in grief, or a distrust in love. You can create an image of love from the love that hurt you, making it hard for you to trust again or move on. You may know in your heart that's no way to begin a relationship, so you may close your heart.
AngelUnforgiven · 51-55, F
AbbeyRhode · F
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YoMomma ·
They impact your opinions and feelings regarding others.. for better or worse
LordShadowfire · 46-50, M
