Why would my boyfriend not delete all messages with his ex?

@VentingQueen23 Yes, it's not easy to be alert for unhealthy thoughts and challenging them all the time... but, once you make a start, they should start decreasing.

If you're starting out trusting him until you have evidence suggesting that you have reason to not trust him, you have no reason to snoop his phone, so resisting that temptation could be a good starting point for you.

I don't even have the passcode for STBX's phone or tablets (he has two tablets) - and nor do I want them, though he will say them to me from time to time, I forget them between one day and the next. He doesn't have the passcodes for my phones (I have two until my old phone charges it's last) or desktop. Why??? I trust him to come to me and tell me himself if something fundamentally changes and respect is a two way street. If he wants to snoop me, then he can expect that I will return the favour in kind.

@HootyTheNightOwl that is a good point. I do trust him but then those thoughts start and honestly I think I look to probably hurt myself. Because I know if you look, no matter what, you’ll get hurt. You always find something even out of nothing.

@VentingQueen23 You don't even have to do anything if you're that determined to find something... ANYTHING.

It could be something perfectly normal like making eye contact with someone that he's talking to - maybe as he's ordering food if you want to con your mind into seeing that. It hurts you, then you hurt him by wanting to control him in unhealthy ways.

That's what happened to me - I was "staring at a man" I was talking to and STBX let it mess with his head that I was lusting after this man. I was staring at the man, I admit that... I was staring at his lips because I was born deaf and I use lip reading to enhance my comprehension during conversations. Now, I find it hard to even look at a man, even if doing so helps me to understand what he is telling me better.

@YnotisayI know it is my fault I’m upset. That wasn’t the point of the questions…. I was asking if and one had any thoughts on why he wouldn’t have deleted them.

@VentingQueen23 But that doesn't matter. He didn't want to. That's enough. How he interacts with you is all that matters.

@Ynotisay that is true.

@Katie01 we were broken up. I said what I did was wrong. I was just wondering what a reason would be. He can go through my phone anytime. I hope you use it more for good.

@VentingQueen23 why does he need a reason for keeping the messages? I spend time with and talk to my exes all the time. You need to stop being so toxic if you want him to stay with you

@Katie01 I don’t like that you are using the word toxic, I don’t think it’s completely accurate, but I see your point. There doesn’t need to be a reason. He can do what he wants. All I do is hurt myself anyway. I am hoping I learned my lesson this time and don’t look again.

@Jackaloftheazuresand see that could be a reason, thank you.

@RoguishEyes that may be lmao

@UndeadSona like he deleted the contact but not the messages.

@VentingQueen23 I'd probably do something similar tbfh. The only reason I'd delete messages is if I absolutely hated a person. If I no longer wanted to talk I'd delete contact and then let the thread get buried.

@smileylovesgaming I just feel like it weird to fill have them. Like is he holding o not them because he still has feelings for her?