No Labels: Does it matter?

I've been talking to this incredible girl. She is just great and I would say I found the one. We talk everyday, we obviously like each other, we say I love you's and we normally do things like couples do. The only difference is that we're not in a relationship or we don't label it like we are dating.

But am I risking anything here? Do you think it's best that we'll stay like this? Or should I just ignore and play along?

This is pretty weird for me but I want her..I want her to be mine...

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SW-User

If you want her like that, I think you had better actually talk about your expectations and what you both are looking for. That is risky because she might pull away but the risk of not getting clearer about things is that you may get your heart broken.

She might just see you as a good friend while you are falling in love with her. She might be polyamorous, and that might not work for you if you want her to yourself. On the other hand she may just be waiting for the chance to say: yes! I want to be yours!

Optima12 · F

@SW-User Thanks! We've talked about that actually..She told me that she still scared to enter in a relationship and I told her I was ok to wait..Problem is that she gets more comfortable from our setup and I'm afraid that it might just stay like this. I don't even know when would be the right time to ask her when she's ready.

SomeMichGuy · M

@Optima12 Why should *she* determine *your* timeline?

You have legitimate concerns and--if these "I love you"-s mean ANYthing [though why you'd start that without any understanding whatsoever, or meeting in real life, is beyond me, and ill-advised if it's *real* for you], then it's completely reasonable to ask for clarification, if not commitment.

[But getting so far into a "relationship" which is only online seems ill-advised. You need to spend real time with real people to see if a potential relationship *is* real. You seem to be "all-in" without remembering that people can seem wonderful, etc., online, and be rather different in person...]

You need to be an advocate for yourself in this. You can be gentle, non-threatening, yet still advocate firmly for yourself.

SW-User

Definitely matters. No label means you're both single. If you're both single, you can both be with other people.

Optima12 · F

@SW-User we agreed that we won't be entertaining others. In case we've fallen out of love or we found someone else, we'll be open about it. Like I said, it's like we're dating but no labels really..

SW-User

@Optima12 i think if youve agreed on exclusivity, then dating shouldnt be hard?

Its just a title. I wouldn't trust someone who could offer exclusivity but not the title to go with it.

btchstfu · F

yes cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it

ViciDraco · 36-40, M

Communication is key. It can be a difficult thing to bring up, but maybe just ask her what she wants for the future and see what lines up.

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Optima12 · F

@ViciDraco Nah, moving on can be really hard but that's not what I'm afraid. I'm scared that with what we have, she gets comfortable with it and will decide to stay like this forever. I am trying to avoid any discussions that would make her feel like I'm asking her to commit as it makes her uncomfortable or pressure her. Main problem is when should be the right time to ask her?

ViciDraco · 36-40, M

@Optima12 what element of the current situation would be bad to last forever? Are you needing to reach marriage or are you worried about nonexclusivity?

Optima12 · F

@ViciDraco the exclusivity

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