Relationship OCD

I’ve been in a relationship with my bf for over 5 years. I think I may fear getting emotionally hurt in my relationship and that’s why I might have relationship ocd. What can I do to stop this relationship ocd? I keep having to enter my partners phone passcode but I don’t care about checking anyone on it that much. Would not having access help me learn to not care? I can have Ocd about him downloading an app and forgetting password and changing it but it’s been fine in the past so idk why it’s bothering me now.
Maybe it’s all what you get used to. Advice please.

Top | Newest First | Oldest First

itsok · 31-35, F

I haven’t experienced relationship ocd, but I do have ocd. I second what Armin said, please see a specialist. Being able to do your compulsion does not help, it just soothes you short term. Not having access could help, as repeatedly not being able to complete your ritual kinda like desensitizes you, like in ERP therapy (exposure and response prevention) but it’s usually done in a really slow, safe, step by step way.

Can I ask if your partner knows you have this problem?

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@itsok my partner doesn’t know and I feel kind of weird telling him about it because I don’t want him to think that I’m insecure or don’t trust him. I just don’t feel good inside and need to do it (the ritual). In what way does ERP desensitize you? What do you feel when you feel desensitized? How could I solve this in a slow safe steps way?

Penny · 46-50, F

sounds like you dont trust him and probably for good reason. if it's not for a good reason you need to let go of your worries and choose trust. if it is for good reason then i seriously suggest rethinking your relationship before it's too late and you re saddled with his kid

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@Penny that’s for sure thanks for the advice! How do I determine if it’s for good reason or trust?

Penny · 46-50, F

@Fifidog i would say trust your instincts. you are young and what you wrote before reminds me of my relationship with my ex-husband when i was younger. i wouldnt trade my kids for anything but at the same time I definietly regret being iwth him for all those years. i don tknow how many people told me i was in a bad relationship wish i'd listened. get out now while you are young for someone who will treat you right and not make you feel suspicious all the time. if you think you are the problem yourself, then maybe thats what it is, but i have a feeling he;s making you feel that way. if i am wrong then just try and choose trust. what does your inner voice say? it's probably right whatever it is.

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@Penny that makes so much sense! Thank you for your help. Glad that your happier now!

AlwaysAlexis · 51-55, F

Quick follow up questions before advice can be given:
1) you use the term relationship ocd; in relationship science terms, that sounds like you’re describing an insecure anxious attachment style, which is often (but not always) rooted in our childhood attachments to primary caregivers. What were your relationships with parents like? No need to disclose if you’re not comfortable with the question, but I have some resources that may be helpful if you’re interested.
2) are you diagnosed with ocd or an anxiety disorder? Do you tend to catastrophize or ruminate? They’re difficult cognitive habits to break but you may want to at least try. I’d hate to see you self-sabotage. You deserve happiness!

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@AlwaysAlexis
1) I was super close with my parents and had a great relationship with them. My mom was the one I would always go to when I needed something. My dad was always there for me when I needed something too even though there was a time or two he told me to ask my mom to buy me lunch and he couldn’t cause he didn’t have any money on him (even though I always figured he could’ve charged it. Also, even though I felt very loved by both parents, my mom just understood and got me more.
2) when I was a teenager I took Luvox (Fluvoxemene, I believe it was spelt). This was for social anxiety, depression, and ocd. However, when I was about 17 years old I felt back to normal and was at a good point in my life where I felt I could stop taking this medication and was stable since even though I can be super emotional around period time.

ArminArlert · 22-25, M

My little brother has OCD too, so I know what it's like. Please, please, please go to your doctor so you can maybe get some therapy.

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@ArminArlert could this affect how I see my relationship or the passcode?

This message was deleted by its author.

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@ArminArlert what can I do to help myself? Should I know the passcode or not know it for ocd reasons. My bf is okay with it either way.

Jungleman · M

please type ' i don't know', instead of idk, you lazy snowflake!!

Add a comment...