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What do you think about non-monogamy?

Poll - Total Votes: 37

I'm open to non-monogamy personally

It's not for me, but different strokes for different folks

It's wrong

Undecided

Show Results

You can only vote on one answer.

[media=https://youtu.be/yIRdtQYMyB8]

This video came up in my YouTube feed. This married lesbian couple has added a third partner. She is also in a straight marriage with a guy.

On paper, I support them. But when I watched the video, I was surprised that it brought up some yucky feelings. I am probably just jealous to see three impossibly-good-looking girls together. Hard to say for sure though, emotions kinda suck sometimes.

What are your thoughts?

Top | Newest First | Oldest First

SimplyMeChantou ·

I dont understand why someone would wanna be in a romantic relationship with more than one person.. like polygamous and open relationships...

And i know i'll get hate for this

But if you need to be with others while you are in a relationship then the person you are with aint the one for you. Plus someone always gets hurt in the end..

ShadowWolf · 31-35, M

@SimplyMeChantou Oftentimes a favoritism situation occurs and the whole dynamic implodes.

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@SimplyMeChantou The people I've seen who are in functional polyamorous relationships say that is the exact strength of polyamory. You don't have to find that one person to try to be your all-in-all. Maybe you love romantic movies but your partner doesn't like that sort of thing. You can find a different partner to fill that need. Or maybe you want a relationship but you can't be as emotionally-available as your partner needs. They can fill that need with another partner.

Please note that polyamory is different from polygamy. Polygamy is where a man has multiple wives. Polyamory is where some or all parties have more than one partner with everyone's consent. And ideally with a ton of communication.

And no hate. You have every right to feel how you feel. <3

Straylight · 31-35, F

Not my style. But I have some poly friends and they seem happy.
Reminds me of one of them going “Monogamy in this economy? You need six people to buy a house!”

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ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@JustGoneNow I remember when I didn't know I was lost. 😢 It's been quite a journey.

JustGoneNow ·

@ShadowSister I’m getting dark tonight. I’m going places I shouldn’t.

[media=https://youtu.be/cHaEUHPb4vg]

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@JustGoneNow I need to go to bed. But this song will always make me happy. Interesting version. She's an amazing vocalist. But yeah, kinda dark. Still a great tune though.

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

I wonder anymore what is real and what is attention seeking. So many people use the internet for negative purposes, and one wonders in some cases whether the situation is real or they are creating a scenario for people just to talk about and get themselves known.
That being said, I am about people living their lives as they wish as long as they act within the law and conduct themselves decently, but I also feel relationships can be complex and when you try to flow into these group situations it eventually will erode. So much room for error, and too many feelings to tackle constantly, even if their jealousy levels are low.

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@ravenwind43 Really good point. Social media is about projecting a false image of yourself. Youtube even moreso. They obviously published that video knowing it was going to get clicks.

The only exception of course is SW. Everyone is COMPLETELY WHO THEY SAY here. 😂

ravenwind43 · 51-55, F

@ShadowSister lol. I hope or at least feel a lot of people here are being themselves.

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@ravenwind43 Some are. Not all.

WhateverWorks · 36-40

🤷🏻‍♀️ I want to say that I support non-monogamy in the different strokes for different folks sense. I’ve also been pretty involved in that community and anecdotally I’ve never once seen a lasting, healthy, non-monogamy dynamic. Whenever I think I’ve finally met the unicorn it still inevitably implodes for usual reasons: hostage situations, codependency, low self-esteem stuff, financial dependence on someone they’d leave if they could, abandonment issues, abuse.

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ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@WhateverWorks That seems pretty damning... until I remember how many monogamous relationship I've seen implode for the exact same reasons. Couples I thought would last forever, and then we get the news. Does anyone stay together anymore?

But yeah, all the difficulties of a monogamous relationship, just with a lot more complexity.

JustGoneNow ·

@ShadowSister Lots of monogamous relationships implode but some don’t. My issue is that I’ve personally never seen a poly one make it. None. Now, I’m not saying the can’t, but I’ve never seen one.

WhateverWorks · 36-40

Yeah I’m gonna have to second DarkHeaven on this one. Sure, I’ve seen monogamous relationships not work out for somewhat similar reasons that I listed. I’ve also seen plenty of healthy, long lasting monogamous relationships and zero non-monogamy arrangements. Much like what she said above, I’m not saying it can’t happen, I’m just saying I’ve been involved in that community in a number of different regions within the US and it all still looked about the same. @ShadowSister

JustGoneNow ·

Woah. I was totally not ready for the emotions this brought up. I am definitely a 💯 monogamous girl, but I had a long term girlfriend push me to the very edges of that sexually and it was a real struggle for me. I’ve never seen threesomes relationships work out at all long term and the only time I’ve seen successful theeesomes in general is if all three people are unattached. Based on my very visceral reaction to this… I can definitely say, not for me… but who knows for other people. I’m not so confident to say that this can’t work for anyone at all, ever.

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JustGoneNow ·

@ShadowSister She was gorgeous and intense but so very destructive at the end.

https://similarworlds.com/thoughts/personal-feelings/2382675-Halos-Of-Concrete-The-City-of-Angels-with-roads

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@JustGoneNow Like a fire that is beautiful to look at...until it burns your house down.

I'm glad you have a more stable partner now. She sounds so perfect. I am happy you were able to move on.

JustGoneNow ·

@ShadowSister nothing but kindness and love in my heart for her. I hope she’s well but I’ve 💯 moved on. 🖤

Flowerz · 36-40, F

I don't think it's a good idea. But everyone is different and it might work for some people. ::shrugs::

cuddles1266 · 70-79, M

Every relationship is different but from what I have heard and what I feel I could live in a non- manogamous relationship. I have a very good friend who is bi and have thought we could live together. I would encourage her to have others in her life.

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cuddles1266 · 70-79, M

@ShadowSister We are a long distance relationship. We occasionally see each other

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@cuddles1266 Ahhh. So if she were to move it, it would be more convenient for the romance part.

cuddles1266 · 70-79, M

@ShadowSister Very much so. We could see each other and enjoy time together.

hippyjoe1955 · 61-69, M

From what I have observed those who try to reinvent the human condition/nature fail miserably.

SW-User

Not by choice but because in some circumstances may be better I would accept it. In a long distance relationship perhaps. Id want them to be happy. If they can't be with me properly. Or me having some impediment to be with them properly. If they want to be loyal ok but if they want to know people that could make them happy fine.

Otherwise not at all. Not if the circumstances were different

ShadowWolf · 31-35, M

Not for me. Will Smith was forced into an open relationship, and we see how that turned out. It's a very complex dynamic and requires alot of discipline and trust (and also both parties to be ok with it, fully).

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@ShadowWolf That sees to be a common theme here. Some of these relationship have that element of one partner not being willing. Unless both are fully on board, I can't ever see it going well. And even then, I am starting to second guess.

ShadowWolf · 31-35, M

@ShadowSister Agreed. Resent starts to occur. Especially if a partner is forced into saying yes. Despite them not truly wanting it.

BetweenKittensandRiots · 36-40, MVIP

I'm like if you don't want your partner enough to tolerate polyandry you don't want her badly enough.

<3 been about 8 years with the same ethically non monogamous woman.

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ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@BetweenKittensandRiots My personal feeling is that people who benefit from systems of oppression probably shouldn't be trumpeting their allyship. I do my best to be an ally to my friends of color. But if I was to tell them I am an ally, I would expect that would appear sus. If I'm really an ally, it should be obvious with my actions. If I have to tell them with my words, I probably need to find ways to be a better ally.

It's hard though in relationships in general right now. it's not easy for anyone to find the right partners.

BetweenKittensandRiots · 36-40, MVIP

@ShadowSister Words are but wind, but I am a donor to jane's due process which you could look into and The girl scouts. There's also a feminist charity trying to inspire more women to become musicians run by Antigone rising a women's band, I support them too.

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@BetweenKittensandRiots Very cool

Kae20 · 56-60, FVIP

Well because the focus seems to centred on the combined bisexuality ' sexual experience ' alongside the "only fans " business interest.

I'm not a fan of this particular set up.

ShadowSister · 46-50, F

@Kae20 Yeah, the OnlyFans bit makes it seem sus, doesn't it? This is obviously about a lot more than just a happy threesome.

Kae20 · 56-60, FVIP

@ShadowSister hmm yeah agreed

robb65 · 56-60, M

"Not for me". I'm open minded, and maybe, under some set of circumstances it could happen but realistically I see myself as "monogamous", or at least "mostly monogamous", whatever that means.
On the other hand I have a family member who is in a poly relationship. They seem happy, and when one partner left the relationship because they realized they had grown apart they remained friends and still get together for cookouts and stuff. How many monogamous couples can say that if they split up they would still remain friends?