Can You Forgive Someone Without Ever Talking To Them Again?
Can you forgive on your own instead of with that person? How do you forgive?
22-25, M
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WhateverWorks · 36-40
Most of the forgiveness I’ve had to do throughout my life wasn’t because the other person had done anything in particular to request the forgiveness. I think it has a lot to do with recognizing that we’re all human and have made mistakes or done things were not proud of when we were in pain/had been through trauma..
Once I made my peace with that I just kind of got on with my life, but to be clear, forgiving those people didn’t mean that I kept associating with them. I washed my hands of it, “not my circus, not my monkeys “
Once I made my peace with that I just kind of got on with my life, but to be clear, forgiving those people didn’t mean that I kept associating with them. I washed my hands of it, “not my circus, not my monkeys “
SatanBurger · 36-40, F
Yeah. I just know that I have no choice, it's either forgive and heal for myself or stay stuck in a feedback loop in which I'll only be hurting myself, not the person who did wrong to me. When I look at things from the stand point of "I have no choice," it becomes easier.
I should clarify that my view isn't an open invitation to friendship even if I was to forgive so I'm not saying that exactly, I wouldn't ever even talk to them but I more forgive people because I do know that ignorance and social conditioning exists. I can't count how many times I've seen people with bad views whose parents are the exact mirror image (sometimes not but I've seen this more often than not.) On the flip side, I equally know that on some level, we are aware of what we do to others so at least on a subconscious level, it is on purpose.
On an irrelevant subject but a relevant example of the above, science shows that narcissists KNOW they hurt you, even when they try to convince you that "they just can't help it."
So while I can have empathy for the person who, when hurting others, also in turn has likely hurt themselves in more ways than one because that's what those types often do, I don't have empathy for the things they do on purpose because they feel a certain way or have skewed logic. Therefore I can forgive because I know the things that shape our brains but I can't forget because I know that people partially do it on purpose so I can forgive without them being around in that sense. But I won't ever be a "friend" or anyone who would p!ss on them if they were on fire.
I should clarify that my view isn't an open invitation to friendship even if I was to forgive so I'm not saying that exactly, I wouldn't ever even talk to them but I more forgive people because I do know that ignorance and social conditioning exists. I can't count how many times I've seen people with bad views whose parents are the exact mirror image (sometimes not but I've seen this more often than not.) On the flip side, I equally know that on some level, we are aware of what we do to others so at least on a subconscious level, it is on purpose.
On an irrelevant subject but a relevant example of the above, science shows that narcissists KNOW they hurt you, even when they try to convince you that "they just can't help it."
So while I can have empathy for the person who, when hurting others, also in turn has likely hurt themselves in more ways than one because that's what those types often do, I don't have empathy for the things they do on purpose because they feel a certain way or have skewed logic. Therefore I can forgive because I know the things that shape our brains but I can't forget because I know that people partially do it on purpose so I can forgive without them being around in that sense. But I won't ever be a "friend" or anyone who would p!ss on them if they were on fire.
DeWayfarer · 61-69, M
TinyViolins · 31-35, M
For me, it's understanding that people came into your life and wanted you to be a part of theirs for a reason. Even if things fizzled out or ended badly, it's not because they wanted to hurt you. It's because they're human.
People are designed to use mental shortcuts to arrive at quick conclusions and that makes them biased, irrational, and prone to mistakes. You don't have to condone their actions to forgive them for their innate stupidity and warped perspectives.
You just have to concede that you were no longer right for each other and to move on. Dwelling in the past isn't going to change anything
People are designed to use mental shortcuts to arrive at quick conclusions and that makes them biased, irrational, and prone to mistakes. You don't have to condone their actions to forgive them for their innate stupidity and warped perspectives.
You just have to concede that you were no longer right for each other and to move on. Dwelling in the past isn't going to change anything
SW-User
Nope but I can forgive and talk to them about the experience and how it affected me personally
I would encourage them to open up explaining why they hurt me the way they did
That would be their opportunity for remorse
If they got on the defensive I’d walk away and leave em to ponder while the day went on for practicality reasons until maybe just hopefully a compromised was reached
I would encourage them to open up explaining why they hurt me the way they did
That would be their opportunity for remorse
If they got on the defensive I’d walk away and leave em to ponder while the day went on for practicality reasons until maybe just hopefully a compromised was reached
YourSoulmate · F
