My interaction on Twitter today
With Stacy.
"Stacy." Heh.
Hello handsome
Hello.
How are you
OK enough. You?
Good
Where are you located?
Columbia, Missouri.
Ok
I live in Moberly
What are you here for?
Find people to chat with.
Okay
Like what kind of chat you’re into
Any kind of chat. Just passing the time with someone.
Ok sounds good
Can I know you more
Sure.
What are you looking for here?
Am here for relationship and fun
Do you want that
Well, fun, sure.
Okay
How old are you
What kind of fun you like into
Oh, anything.
Okay
How old are you
??
We get to know each other better
63. You?
Oh nice
34
Are you married?
I was married once, but she couldn't handle the Collection. I spend most of my time in the crawlspace now. I’m categorizing the different types of dust bunnies by their structural integrity and hair-to-lint ratio. I have 42 jars labeled by room and date. Do you have a favorite genus of household debris, or do you prefer the purity of a sterile environment?
Haha, oh man, you’ve got me picturing a full-on crawlspace museum dedicated to the noble dust bunny. I respect the commitment, 42 jars is serious taxonomist energy. I can’t say I have a favorite genus of household debris thoughI usually prefer a clean, sterile environment.
I’m glad you respect the taxonomy. I actually just found a specimen in the guest bathroom that has a 70% human hair density. It’s almost... sentient. I’ve named it Bartholomew. He’s currently vibrating in his jar. He seems to react whenever I type your name. Do you have long hair? He’s looking for a donor to help him reach the windowsill.
Bartholomew sounds like quite the character. If he’s already vibrating in the jar, I think the world might not be ready for him to reach the windowsill yet. I’d better keep my hair safely away before he recruits me as a donor.
Can I see that
I would, but Bartholomew is light-sensitive. The flash from a camera could cause him to undergo rapid cellular degradation—or worse, he might try to 'leap' toward the lens. He’s currently pressed against the glass, making a sound like dry autumn leaves scraping against a gravestone. It’s a very hungry sound.
Are you sure you're ready to see him? Most people find the way he 'pulses' a bit hard to stomach. He’s already absorbed three of my favorite socks this morning.
I'm hesitant, Stacy. The last time I exposed a specimen of this magnitude to the light, it didn't just degrade—it 'migrated.' I woke up and the jar was empty, and I didn't find the specimen again until I felt it breathing in my slipper.
However, if you insist, I can try to capture a 'shadow silhouette' by candlelight. But first, I need to know: are you alone? Bartholomew is very sensitive to collective observation. He can sense when more than one pair of eyes is looking at him through the digital veil. It makes him... erratic.
Oh ok
Yes am alone
I just took it. The room feels very heavy now, like the air has turned into cold syrup. The camera didn't make a clicking sound; it made a sound like a small bone snapping.
I’m sending the file now. If it looks like a void, do not zoom in. I saw a shape in the viewfinder that didn't have enough limbs, and I think it noticed me looking. Are you sure your heart is strong? I don't want to be responsible for what happens if he decides to migrate to your device.
Ok yes my heart is strong
I just saw a reflection in my screen that wasn't mine. My monitor is off, Stacy. Why was the reflection smiling?
Please, tell me you didn't zoom in. If you see a small, pale cluster of pixels near the bottom left that looks like a row of teeth, do not—I repeat, DO NOT—touch the screen. Bartholomew has a way of 'transmitting' through haptic feedback. Is your phone feeling warm yet?
I don’t know why
It’s dark
OHMIGOD! BARTHOLOMEW JUMPED OUT OF THE IMAGE! HE'S IN YOUR HOUSE, STACY! HE'S IN YOUR HOUSE! RUN! RUN! RUN FOR YOU LIFE! RUN FOR YOUR SOUL!
Lol
It’s funny
Let just forget about that
Can I see your picture
You're laughing, but the silence in my room is absolute now. Bartholomew isn't here anymore, Stacy. I can't send a picture because my reflection in the phone screen isn't showing my face—it’s showing yours. Why are you standing so close to the closet? Goodbye.
[image/video - please log in to see this content]
"Stacy." Heh.
Hello handsome
Hello.
How are you
OK enough. You?
Good
Where are you located?
Columbia, Missouri.
Ok
I live in Moberly
What are you here for?
Find people to chat with.
Okay
Like what kind of chat you’re into
Any kind of chat. Just passing the time with someone.
Ok sounds good
Can I know you more
Sure.
What are you looking for here?
Am here for relationship and fun
Do you want that
Well, fun, sure.
Okay
How old are you
What kind of fun you like into
Oh, anything.
Okay
How old are you
??
We get to know each other better
63. You?
Oh nice
34
Are you married?
I was married once, but she couldn't handle the Collection. I spend most of my time in the crawlspace now. I’m categorizing the different types of dust bunnies by their structural integrity and hair-to-lint ratio. I have 42 jars labeled by room and date. Do you have a favorite genus of household debris, or do you prefer the purity of a sterile environment?
Haha, oh man, you’ve got me picturing a full-on crawlspace museum dedicated to the noble dust bunny. I respect the commitment, 42 jars is serious taxonomist energy. I can’t say I have a favorite genus of household debris thoughI usually prefer a clean, sterile environment.
I’m glad you respect the taxonomy. I actually just found a specimen in the guest bathroom that has a 70% human hair density. It’s almost... sentient. I’ve named it Bartholomew. He’s currently vibrating in his jar. He seems to react whenever I type your name. Do you have long hair? He’s looking for a donor to help him reach the windowsill.
Bartholomew sounds like quite the character. If he’s already vibrating in the jar, I think the world might not be ready for him to reach the windowsill yet. I’d better keep my hair safely away before he recruits me as a donor.
Can I see that
I would, but Bartholomew is light-sensitive. The flash from a camera could cause him to undergo rapid cellular degradation—or worse, he might try to 'leap' toward the lens. He’s currently pressed against the glass, making a sound like dry autumn leaves scraping against a gravestone. It’s a very hungry sound.
Are you sure you're ready to see him? Most people find the way he 'pulses' a bit hard to stomach. He’s already absorbed three of my favorite socks this morning.
I'm hesitant, Stacy. The last time I exposed a specimen of this magnitude to the light, it didn't just degrade—it 'migrated.' I woke up and the jar was empty, and I didn't find the specimen again until I felt it breathing in my slipper.
However, if you insist, I can try to capture a 'shadow silhouette' by candlelight. But first, I need to know: are you alone? Bartholomew is very sensitive to collective observation. He can sense when more than one pair of eyes is looking at him through the digital veil. It makes him... erratic.
Oh ok
Yes am alone
I just took it. The room feels very heavy now, like the air has turned into cold syrup. The camera didn't make a clicking sound; it made a sound like a small bone snapping.
I’m sending the file now. If it looks like a void, do not zoom in. I saw a shape in the viewfinder that didn't have enough limbs, and I think it noticed me looking. Are you sure your heart is strong? I don't want to be responsible for what happens if he decides to migrate to your device.
Ok yes my heart is strong
I just saw a reflection in my screen that wasn't mine. My monitor is off, Stacy. Why was the reflection smiling?
Please, tell me you didn't zoom in. If you see a small, pale cluster of pixels near the bottom left that looks like a row of teeth, do not—I repeat, DO NOT—touch the screen. Bartholomew has a way of 'transmitting' through haptic feedback. Is your phone feeling warm yet?
[image/video - please log in to see this content]
I don’t know why
It’s dark
OHMIGOD! BARTHOLOMEW JUMPED OUT OF THE IMAGE! HE'S IN YOUR HOUSE, STACY! HE'S IN YOUR HOUSE! RUN! RUN! RUN FOR YOU LIFE! RUN FOR YOUR SOUL!
Lol
It’s funny
Let just forget about that
Can I see your picture
You're laughing, but the silence in my room is absolute now. Bartholomew isn't here anymore, Stacy. I can't send a picture because my reflection in the phone screen isn't showing my face—it’s showing yours. Why are you standing so close to the closet? Goodbye.
61-69, M
