Is the need to talk things through and work out an agreement/compromise during conflict a toxic trait?

Like if I see both sides, is it inappropriate to state my perspective? Is it wrong to include that someone's behavior hurts my feelings? Is it just in my head that being honest and open is fair?

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ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

Sometimes it is, yeah. It depends on the situation at hand. If one person is too overwhelmed by the conflict but the other person wants to talk about it & work it out, no amount of talking will solve anything. It will only aggravate the situation even more. Sometimes we can't talk anything out DURING the conflict. No matter how much WE might need it, the other person might need the opposite. Denying them that can even be selfish at times. & It never gets many positive responses out of the person.

I'm usually the one who wants to talk things out & has a hard time letting it go until it's solved... I get that way because it feels like I can't relax until I solve everything. I just want peace & understanding. But these days I've been learning that we can't fix everything for people. Especially if they won't let us. Just because we're capable of talking things out, doesn't mean it's always the right time to do it.

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@ChiefJustWalks Dayum, you said it perfectly.

I'm with you, it makes me anxious to not resolve things ASAP. But some people do need more time to process. And some people just don't understand their complete inability to meet you and build a safe bridge.

It might be more about timing than anything.

robingoodfellow · M

I think it's a good trait. I think it's strength. But I've learned sometimes people take it as a weakness. I don't understand why people have to be like that but it seems to be a human thing.

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@robingoodfellow sometimes I think I'm just delusional. I'm the problem because I don't do what most people do and maybe there is no virtue in that. Maybe there is no virtue at all and I really am just a silly freak who needs to wake up from the poisonous day dream.

robingoodfellow · M

@ScreamingFox it's not easy being different. Something all different people experience. I'm at a point where I'm thankful as hell I'm not like most of the tribe

Achelois · F

I used to be the one that would explain myself, i realised I was never seen or heard anyway.

So I gave up trying.

I know the truth,I don’t need to justify that anymore.

Some people just can’t see, what’s the point in even trying to get them to see your side if they believe their own lies.

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Achelois · F

@ScreamingFox

Many people live with masks 🎭 they pretend to be a certain person, for whatever reason, pain, religion, etc.

You’re hurt because you aren’t heard, you speak up but no one hears you, they choose to let it be swept under the rug.

No one wants to take accountability for it, so they choose to ignore your pain.

Which leaves you wondering, did it really happen, who am I, I felt this but is it true, so you question yourself, instead of speaking up and questioning the real truth.

This leaves you In a loop of thoughts.

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@Achelois a distorted reality

Achelois · F

@ScreamingFox absolutely!!! They believ the lies. I watched a video recently about it, I’ll try and find it.

Livingwell · 61-69, M

In this case, honesty is always best and fair. I would not be upset if your perspective is dismissed though. Sometimes people only want to consider their perspective.

Harmonium1923 · 56-60, M

Usually a healthy approach with reasonable people of good conscience. But there can also be value in just letting things go. That’s a valid choice. And sometimes ignoring the small or medium stuff can build more credibility when talking about bigger things.

EarthlingWise

No. But many people don't like to question their stance and behaviour that much.

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@EarthlingWise that's understandable too...

caccoon · 36-40

This is healthy

pituitarypendulum

Not at all ...healthy in fact

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@pituitarypendulum I do wonder if the harmony some of us are capable of is the delusion.

pituitarypendulum

@ScreamingFox I just don't think some people are capable of abstract thinking ...some lack the emotional intelligence too

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@pituitarypendulum I still can't let go of coexisting in peace.

We all have issues, what's right or wrong or human I don't know I'm just tired of being a monster because I care lol

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