Starting to doubt my choice...

He was abusive, no doubt, but they're 99, maybe that's how marriage is for 99 year olds. Maybe they just abuse each other. Maybe I intervened and made it worse. Maybe I broke apart a couple that loved each other in a way 99 year olds do. They're from a different time. What if it wasn't my place?

Is it better to be hurt by someone or to hurt because you miss them?

I feel bad. Really really bad.

If I said nothing they would of hurt each other. He was very cruel to her. Her family wouldn't even visit her because of him.

But maybe that's what she wanted? But what does her dementia mind want and should she get it if her safety is at risk?

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SageWanderer · 70-79, M

Her demented mind kept her from making reasonable decisions and his abuse wasn’t in her best interests either. It may be difficult for her to understand in her state but it’s for her safety. I understand you being upset however you did the right thing.

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@SageWanderer It doesn't feel good

faery · F

Just from reading this and knowing nothing else, I think you did the right thing. It was going to be bad, either way, but it has the potential to get better now, not worse. If you had done nothing, no telling how bad it may have gotten and it had zero chance of getting better. It's just upsetting to be involved. The abuse you encountered is affecting you and it would have either way. I hate it when you're damned if you and damned if you don't in a situation, but at least you did the right thing. It's not your fault the situation existed.

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@faery damned if I do, damned if I don't is all it is...

I am very affected and I wish I wasn't. I worry about doing the right thing

faery · F

@ScreamingFox You did the right thing. Give yourself a little time and the feeling will calm down 🫂

OogieBoogie · F

Tough situation.

Im sure you have a 'duty of care' protocol you must follow?

If you think what he did went against best care practices for her....then stand by it.

Just because they are used to a dysfunctional dynamic, doesnt mean you have to be exposed to it.

You have the duty to practice proper care, to expected standards.

Notladylike

You followed your duty of care. That’s what needed to happen.

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