Mayor Bass Reflexively Skips Town After Seeing L.A. Burning Again

Los Angeles Karen Bass reflexively skipped town for a Caribbean vacation after seeing that her town was once again on fire.

Bass stated her leaving was completely involuntary, reporting that she simply saw her city burning and, next thing she knew, she was on a plane to Antigua.

"I have no control over it. It's just an immediate reflex when I see L.A. engulfed in fire," stated Bass from her beach condo. "As soon as I saw smoke, my hands just started packing a suitcase. I wish I could help, but I just can't. Also, I need another Mai Thai."

As protests against deportations became increasingly violent across Los Angeles, Bass warned aides that she would likely be forced to do nothing and go hide on another continent. "Put out a statement that I, Karen Bass, will not stand for this. And as such, I will be boarding a plane to Barbados, or anywhere with a nice beach," Bass told her aides. "Hopefully, someone will take charge and put out the fires while I'm gone."

At publishing time, Bass had decided to extend her vacation after seeing that the National Guard had things under control.