I'm not ready to spread my dog's ashes

It's been about 5 months since she lost her battle to an aggressive tumor. Up until the night she passed, I kept thinking she would hold on a little longer so I could take her to her favorite dog park one last time.

But her health took a sharp decline the last 4 days of her life. I can find solace knowing she died in her sleep right next to me. I know she was sincerely loved. People at the vet kept telling me she was one of their favorite patients. I gave her everything I could give.

I've never really been a sentimental person. I don't like hanging on to things I don't need. But I'm moving out of my apartment tomorrow and the only things left in this empty domicile are my clothes, this laptop, and her ashes.

I'm moving to a new city, and it doesn't feel right to bring her remains with me. Her home was here. My plan was always to scatter her ashes in her favorite places. The dog park, our favorite hiking trail, the river she used to splash in, the soccer field I'd let her run around in at night.

But as it gets closer and closer for my time to leave, it's becoming painfully apparent that I'm just not ready to let go yet.

I've never really had to process grief like this before. It's been a lonely life for the most part, so this dog took up a lot of space in my heart and in my mind. She was my best friend, my emotional support, and ultimately saved me from myself. I don't know if I would have ever learned to love or to appreciate life if not for the boundless, unconditional comfort that she provided when I needed it the most.

Looking out at the light poking through the dull winter sky keeps reminding me how now would be the most logical time to set her free from the box she's currently in, but logic holds little sway over matters of the heart.

I suppose I could always drive back here and give her a proper send off at some point down the line. It'd be nice if I could get all my grief over with so I can move on with my life, but I'm learning now that that isn't how things work. It may be inconvenient, but rarely does grief ever come at a convenient time.

Guess I'll just wait until I'm ready

Elisbch · M

I have never spread any of mine. I have almost all my pets ashes that I've had over the decades. They're all in urns or urn type boxes. They are spread out throughout my house. You need to do what feels best for you. No one says that you have to do it this way or that way or if they do just ignore it. The way you grieve and the amount of time you grieve is entirely up to you. Make yourself feel good with whatever decisions you feel you want to make. ❤🤗

JamesBugman · 56-60, T

We have the same situation here, our lovely dog's ashes sitting in a box. I put my hand on it and wish him a happy birthday on that special day, and my heart will always be in there with him.
We are considering selling, and will need to do something with him, but it seems cruel to leave him here and we depart and equally cruel to take him from his only home.
Dumb to think ashes would care, and yet, what if they do? what if he is standing there waiting for us to join him. Ugh.. think of something else. We will probably bring him along, get him used to a new home he never saw in his living days, at least our connection will still be there. I would never leave his ashes for someone else to deal with, that isn't right either.

exexec · 70-79, C

I am sentimental. I have two of my dog's ashes in nice containers in my office at home.