What if I come at you all mad and won't listen to reason?

🗣

LadyGrace · 70-79

I would wait for you to cool off and when you're in a better mood and ready to carry on a conversation without tempers being involved. We would sit at the kitchen table and we would take turns speaking what exactly is on our mind, without the other interrupting at all. I would be very attentive in not just watching your lips move, but actually hearing what you have to say, because it's important and you deserve to be heard without judgment. Then when you are finished it would be my turn and I would tell you how I feel about the situation, and then we would work out something where each of us could compromise, but still be happy.

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LadyGrace · 70-79

@Quimliqer I agree. That's the hardest part is to just stop and do nothing, when you're upset. It doesn't do either one any good, when they try to talk about these issues if one or the other or both even, are upset. Another rule that would save a marriage is that you never use the word you in an accusing manner when addressing the other person about the problem. However, the exception to that rule is that you can be used in the following way:

The wrong way: I can never count on you for anything and you always blame me for everything.

The right way: I'm not wanting to upset you or even argue with you, but when you ignore me when I ask you to do something, it makes me feel unimportant and dismissed. Another thing that hurts me terribly is when you won't give me a chance and put the blame on me, that really hurts and I feel like I don't have a chance to even defend myself because you've already decided I'm guilty and I don't feel that's fair. And I don't want to treat you that way either so if I do, let me know.

You see what a difference that makes? You're not attacking the person. You're not attacking their person. You're only letting them know how when they do a certain thing, how it makes you feel. That gives the other person the chance to say oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you feel that way. You are important to me, and I don't want you to be unhappy.

That's a healthy negotiation situation.

I believe every marriage could be saved if only couples would show respect to each other like they did before they got married.

Quimliqer · 70-79, M

@LadyGrace Amen to that!! Speaking of words that should never be used, I listened to a speaker and their advice is to take the words Always & Never out.

LadyGrace · 70-79

@Quimliqer Amen to THAT!!!

Colonelmustardseed · 36-40

When people try that with me these days, I stop listening, cut contact, and have nothing to do with them. Didn’t talk to my younger sister for a little over half a year when she did that last time. She’s my sister. If it’s someone I don’t even really know, I make sure they can’t contact me ever again.

NativePortlander1970

@Colonelmustardseed I tell people if I can disown my own paternal grandmother, no one is immune if they piss me off.

Colonelmustardseed · 36-40

@NativePortlander1970 Exactly. 🫂
People think they have some kind of authority with everyone they encounter.

NativePortlander1970

@Colonelmustardseed (((((HUGS))))) You have probably seen some of my replies here to people that try to challenge me, I'm actually surprised Andrew hasn't suspended my account over some of the things I tell them.

GuyWithOpinions · 31-35, M

At first il try to help and make my statement. If you dont listen, then i ignore you becauae your issues dont effect my life and i dont know you well enough to care about your wellbeing. I have my own issues that require my time and logic. We are all trying to survive. You got to learn to help yourself.