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I would wait for you to cool off and when you're in a better mood and ready to carry on a conversation without tempers being involved. We would sit at the kitchen table and we would take turns speaking what exactly is on our mind, without the other interrupting at all. I would be very attentive in not just watching your lips move, but actually hearing what you have to say, because it's important and you deserve to be heard without judgment. Then when you are finished it would be my turn and I would tell you how I feel about the situation, and then we would work out something where each of us could compromise, but still be happy.
@Quimliqer I agree. That's the hardest part is to just stop and do nothing, when you're upset. It doesn't do either one any good, when they try to talk about these issues if one or the other or both even, are upset. Another rule that would save a marriage is that you never use the word you in an accusing manner when addressing the other person about the problem. However, the exception to that rule is that you can be used in the following way:
The wrong way: I can never count on you for anything and you always blame me for everything.
The right way: I'm not wanting to upset you or even argue with you, but when you ignore me when I ask you to do something, it makes me feel unimportant and dismissed. Another thing that hurts me terribly is when you won't give me a chance and put the blame on me, that really hurts and I feel like I don't have a chance to even defend myself because you've already decided I'm guilty and I don't feel that's fair. And I don't want to treat you that way either so if I do, let me know.
You see what a difference that makes? You're not attacking the person. You're not attacking their person. You're only letting them know how when they do a certain thing, how it makes you feel. That gives the other person the chance to say oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you feel that way. You are important to me, and I don't want you to be unhappy.
That's a healthy negotiation situation.
I believe every marriage could be saved if only couples would show respect to each other like they did before they got married.
The wrong way: I can never count on you for anything and you always blame me for everything.
The right way: I'm not wanting to upset you or even argue with you, but when you ignore me when I ask you to do something, it makes me feel unimportant and dismissed. Another thing that hurts me terribly is when you won't give me a chance and put the blame on me, that really hurts and I feel like I don't have a chance to even defend myself because you've already decided I'm guilty and I don't feel that's fair. And I don't want to treat you that way either so if I do, let me know.
You see what a difference that makes? You're not attacking the person. You're not attacking their person. You're only letting them know how when they do a certain thing, how it makes you feel. That gives the other person the chance to say oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you feel that way. You are important to me, and I don't want you to be unhappy.
That's a healthy negotiation situation.
I believe every marriage could be saved if only couples would show respect to each other like they did before they got married.
