Why can't i just let shit go and move on with my life!😫fck!

@Lostpoet thank-you for BC my friend, I know you'd be praying for me should I ever needed it. 👍🏼

@Lostpoet So you’re not a typical nice guy anymore… life isn’t easier because you’re nice I’ve learned. There’s almost no benefit except personally, kindness feels true. But it’s not safe to be the nicest person anymore now that humans treat each other like crap to feel better, bigger, badder.

Im to the point where, no, I’m not the sweetheart I used to be, but I still choose kindness. Now I am kinder to myself because nobody else will be. It’s over. I lost my family, friends, im selling the last thing that rooted me to my hometown and what I knew of family and love. It’s not sweet. I don’t have a great story, but I damn sure never gave in and let others tell me who I am or what I can do. Maybe temporarily, but I realize I can tell myself almost anything, why do I only believe the negative shit? Someone else’s rules, expectations and criticism are not mine to live by. The opinions of others mean nothing anymore because look at all these people. Sooooo many people and nobody has it right. We’re a mess.

I’ve seen you through the years, I’ve paid attention, I don’t know much, but I know you have been through hard times. Give yourself some credit hun. Life never made anyone softer and sweeter. Usually the people that are doing the dirty work behind kindness have been through some serious stuff. They’re pretty tough. It seems to me, for what it’s worth, you’re building that strength. Maybe you’ve always been a nice guy, but maybe societies definition of that changed. People are mean to nice people, it’s the sad truth. They’re mean to motivated, positive people, they’re mean to you when you’re grieving and having your worst day. Fuck them. Fuck anyone who tries to manipulate your feelings. That’s people misusing their power and they’ll get what’s coming to them if it hasn’t already yet.

Yeah Poet, it’s Fox. I’m not a “nice lady” anymore. But I know I’m good hearted and strong. I can live with myself because I am who I want to be unapologetically. Not perfectly, I start a few fires here and there, but it’s usually because I care.

It’s just not pretty anymore.

Physically I’m getting out of the hornets nest and that has helped me mentally beyond what I even realize yet. I’m starting fresh, far, far away from what I knew. I’m terrified. But I chose the tougher path because I know how to not be nice. I know how to get through shit because I’ve been through it. I believe in myself. I believe in some people and you’re one of them.

So what if we finish last? Im not racing to the end anyway, im enjoying the ride.

I wish for you to enjoy many more every days, and enjoy who you are. You’re creative, passionate and full of sentiments that don’t fall on deaf ears. You do have power. And I really think those of us who are subtly empowered after a bout of rough times, we are threatening to the happy little ideals people fake their whole lives to avoid failing at.

I whole heartedly believe you’ll find your way. But please hun, don’t put yourself down. You’ve been through enough, don’t bully yourself too. You deserve to be treated better, start with how you treat yourself. There will always be someone ready to shit on you, let yourself be your best ally. I know you can. Your poetry, your ability to think about what you’re thinking about. You have depths people are afraid of and that’s their weakness, not your issue.

What you think you can’t let go of, that’s someone else’s disappointment. You weren’t created to live up to other’s expectations. Fuck their disappointment because they don’t write the rules for your life. You do. And you are a beautiful writer. No doubt you can create a life you love 🖤

@AlchemyFox Thank you and I trust that you'll make it out too. Your art and your constant search for things that are meaningful will someday payoff into something beautiful. I don't think i can be one of those beautiful people that get thrown into the gutter and it turns them into something better something stoic. I feel mean inside and i feel like i didn't deserve the path i've been cast on. I just want to dig myself out. I want to be in a place where i can think about and plan on tomorrow, but right now i'm just struggling trying to get by, alone.

@SW-User fck that, i didn't even want them in my life that's why i ran and i don't want this pain. I want my life back.

@Lostpoet Then take it back ...make a choice to take it back

@SW-User It's hard when people keep stealing my phone and wallet and i don't know how difficult it is going to be to get a job with the medical condition on my record.

@Queendragonfly I have expressed it nobody gives a fck. My brother gave me a cleft lip and my dad told me to walk to the hospital, My dad also borrowed 7,000 from me after telling me i can't live with my other brother and his wife and then he through me out of the house in the middle of winter without my bank card or any way to pull money out of the bank so i spent a week without food just walking the streets at night until i could get my bank card. I had employees following me around and when i went to the cops they through me into a mental hospital and gave me a diagnosis of agressive schizophrenia which don't have these people are folllowing me and messing with me. Every time take the trax i get my phone or wallet stolen from me. And i've gone to the cops but they don't give a fck. I've tried to reach out to my old coworkers and boss because i fcking know that they were following me but all of a sudden i can't reach anyone or they deny it. So i've been homeless without work for so long and i've been complaining about these things, but nobody cares or will listen. It's not schizophrenic to not like to be followed and it's not schizophrenic to be mad when people were messing with you and you get punished for it. I now have the stigma of being agressive schizophrenic when i've never done anything wrong and i'm living with the consequences of someone elses actions.

@SW-User I want an apology to my face,

@Lostpoet I have. For me accepting that they're never going to be sorry, thst they don't care, that they are the way they are, that's has to resonate with me, I can't make them feel bad about who they are or what they did, I can't change them, but I can change my expectations and how I feel about it. At the end of the day, why give those people that control over you, forgiving them is freeing you, it doesn't free them

@SW-User Part of the problem is that it's an issue with my own family, friend and people that i worked with. How would you feel if one of your co-workers followed you around and then when you went to the cops the cops through you into a mental hospital and said you have aggressive schizophrenia when these people were messing with you and it's cost you a lot of jobs and being homeless for six years. I don't have aggressive schizophrenia i just don't like being fcked with and these people followed me around.

I have never been arrested for aggressive behavior. I've never even been put in handcuffs before. These people have ruined my life and caused me a lot of personal pain, and they don't care or even laugh about it ? You can ask anyone in my past i used to be a really nice guy and now this has fcked up my whole life and it's been years taken from me. I've never done anything wrong or that would give a person a reason to mess with me.

@LordShadowfire Somebody is playing a game with my life and it feels like they are making people follow me and do what i do which is annoying af and I've told them to stop it only gives me anxiety.