I wish too much that someone would love me. Even wishing someone would listen is unrealistic.

@TinyViolins I wish you and I were closer because I’d be thrilled to be a friend of yours, a shoulder, a hug, an ear, whatever you need. Simply because you’re an incredible human. The planet needs you.

And yeah, I’m trying to figure out a way to get out of survival mode. I want to do something cool with my life, with my talents, but I feel more like a vegetable than an artist. There’s never enough time to cry alone or energy to feel what I’m feeling. I can’t get passed that part to even use the pain to create. I feel like nothing. I attract nothing. With all that’s inside of me, I feel like I’m definitely missing out. Even sharing energy would be something, but I just feel drained. I don’t want to live this way, this sucks.

@RebelFox That would be a dream. The world is more interconnected than ever, so I'd like to hold onto the hope that maybe our paths will cross some day. I think you're incredible too. I mean that. You're not nothing to me. You're an awe-inspiring person. It's exceedingly rare to meet someone with the depth of emotion and capacity for caring that you possess.

Your words have touched many people here, and that's nothing to shrug off. We're all hearts and minds behind these avatars, albeit with some being more capable than others. It takes a special kind of person to get so many strangers to resonate with their means of expression, and given what I've seen from your posts, you most definitely are that. You're still an artist even when the medium is text.

I have struggled for a long time to get out of this survival mode as well. I can't say quite yet that it's been successful, but I have made some pretty significant strides in the process based on my mental health. I realized that the wanting for connection has been far more psychologically damaging than the actual lack of it. I could survive the lack of connection through a variety of means, but the yearning and the hunger for it was almost unbearable. Somedays it still is.

I found that I was doing everything except living in the present. My energy was spent thinking about things I used to have in the past, or things that I wanted to have in the future. I had little energy left to appreciate the things that I had right now, and that disconnect from my environment made me pretty miserable. Learning gratitude and forgiving people for their humanity has been an immense boost for my spirits. We're all right here, right now, so let's just make the most of it.

I know it's not a substitute for the love and security that a genuine connection will bring, but it's a stepping stone towards that goal. Society has been fragmented by technologies that prey on our fears and insecurities, and keep us so distracted that we barely even realize what's happening. We're being programmed to live in our own little worlds. It's likely not even your fault that people can't recognize how wonderful you are. They're either not looking or not paying attention.

But for what it's worth, I see you. You're a beautiful soul in an ugly world. Modern living isn't adapted for those who have so much to give, since all it wants to do is take. But don't lose faith in yourself because there are other beautiful souls out there too. The hardest part is finding them, but once you do, all of this heartache will seem like nothing. ❤️

@PhilDeep everything is fake

@RebelFox Really? I wouldn’t have guessed. You seem genuinely liked (universally) here.

That doesn’t translate irl?

@Adogslife no. Irl people don’t even see me. If they do I’m just someone to use.

@RebelFox I think a lot of people do want friends and whatever. The problem is people are typically only nice if they need something. People get caught up in their own lives so much that even when they do have time for others, it's like they're just worn out and want to relax. I mean it is not just you who feels that way.