I wish too much that someone would love me. Even wishing someone would listen is unrealistic.

And the world expects me to let go of this want. People give me advice I’ve already tried a billion times and feel like shit because it doesn’t work, but please, tell me again how insufficient I am at existing. Tell me please, how to live my life so easily with dead parents and no support. It’s so easy right!?! Raising a child alone, so simple! Why should I want hugs!? Why would I dare wish for joy and pleasure to be a part of my life?? Am I crazy? I must be crazy. Because people that experience so much death that it makes everyone around them uncomfortable must be in fact avoided.

I don’t EVER pretend to know how someone feels. Anyone can relate to each other, we’re ALL going through shit ALL the time. But telling someone what to do, how to feel is not universal.

Just let people feel their feelings. Sorry we were all raised in fear and shame, but I broke the mold and I still feel like people are trying to pack me into it again because that’s all they know.

I just want to disappear.