I wish too much that someone would love me. Even wishing someone would listen is unrealistic.

And the world expects me to let go of this want. People give me advice I’ve already tried a billion times and feel like shit because it doesn’t work, but please, tell me again how insufficient I am at existing. Tell me please, how to live my life so easily with dead parents and no support. It’s so easy right!?! Raising a child alone, so simple! Why should I want hugs!? Why would I dare wish for joy and pleasure to be a part of my life?? Am I crazy? I must be crazy. Because people that experience so much death that it makes everyone around them uncomfortable must be in fact avoided.

I don’t EVER pretend to know how someone feels. Anyone can relate to each other, we’re ALL going through shit ALL the time. But telling someone what to do, how to feel is not universal.

Just let people feel their feelings. Sorry we were all raised in fear and shame, but I broke the mold and I still feel like people are trying to pack me into it again because that’s all they know.

I just want to disappear.

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Ontheroad · M

You mean so much to so many - I see it here, see how people respond to you, truly like and love you. I haven't told this to anyone, but 17 years ago the love of my life died from breast cancer. We had known each other only a short time, but I knew she was the one. It devastated me. At that point in time I was alone. My parents both died when I was in my early 30's. Life had taken me far from home and my two children lived with my ex over a thousand miles away.

To say it was hard is an understatement, but time did its trick. Even though I saw her in everything, even in formations of storm clouds, it was insane how I missed her and how alone I felt. But, time did sooth the feelings. I made it. I want to believe it (time) can do it for you too.

I haven't interacted with you much, but I always read your posts and comments. You are torn, devastated from the losses you have suffered, and yes, you don't easily fit into any mold. You are though filled with love and passion and you are loved by many others. Personally, I think you are remarkable. But disregard what I think, I am only one person. Rather think of how wonderful you are and how so many here adore you - that says more than all the words I have typed. Time is the answer, don't disappear.