what am i really accountable for? What actions? What emotions?
Are the things I'm apologizing for really my fault or is there blame to be share?
Are they willing and able to apologize for their share of the blame? If not, why?
Only apologize for what you are truly at fault for and nothing else. You are not at fault for their feelings. You can't control that. You can only control yourself.
Only apologize once for each incident and again, only for what you are at fault for, and only if you truly feel bad about your actions. Insincere apologies aren't worth giving.
Remember what makes a good apology and stick to it:
That is all you are obligated to do. The more you apologize for the things that aren't your fault, the more other people will let you take full responsibility for their bad, and sometimes, abusive behavior.
Yes, that's a bad and self deprecating habit. It does you no favours to repeatedly appease people at the expense of yourself and it doesn't help to create healthy and equal relationships. We shouldn't have to lay down and be walked on just to keep people around.
