I haven't stopped caring; I've stopped pretending I care

I've never really been a people person. I find most people to be exhausting, more mentally than physically. Plus, I just don't form attachment to people the way that most others do. I'm simply not wired that way.

I am married with 4 kids.........I love my wife and kids, don't get me wrong. I talk to my brother a couple times a week, I enjoy that. But, beyond that I just don't care. As I'm getting older, I'm noticing that my tolerance for pretending to care is wearing very thin. To the point where I'm done pretending. Here's an example...........Over the weekend I was on the phone with my 93-year-old mother, who is bat shit crazy and always has been. She found it necessary to tell me that a former employer of mine had died. To be honest I thought he was considerably older than he apparently was and I had always just assumed he would have been dead by now anyway. In any case, I couldn't stand this guy and haven't seen him in over 30 years. Long story short, I said to my mother "why would I care?". Honestly why would I? It started this huge argument, and I just got annoyed and hung up the phone.

That's just one example, but lately there have been more and more times that I just have stopped pretending I give a shit and just have to tell people......I just don't care.

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LadyBronte · 61-69, F

Your mother is most likely trying to connect on a basic level to still feel relevant in your life. In my experience, mothers, decent ones anyway - batshit crazy or not - still need to know their kids care - that never goes away. So telling you things she believes you might be interested in, irrelevant to you or not, is her way of trying to find a way to still fit somewhere in your life. We all go through that to some extent with our parents - repetitive stories, irrelevant subjects, recounting tiring sagas from long ago. It's how life is. Not caring is one thing, being rude is another. Why not just shake your head, say thanks, I didn't know that, but I always thought he was an ass anyway and move on. Everyone's needs met. Your mother's to have a conversation with you, yours to honestly and tactfully say you didn't give a shit. No need to argue, or bicker, and ruin your moods over things that don't matter anyway. 🤷🏼‍♀. Just my thought.

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LadyBronte · 61-69, F

@PatKirby Thanks.

sgoodroe · 51-55, M

@LadyBronte This really had nothing to do with my conversation with my mother, I just simply used that as an example

LadyBronte · 61-69, F

@sgoodroe Ok.

Adrift · 61-69, F

When your 93 years old, who died and who is still here is a big deal. My father out lived all of his friends and really had a hard time finding things with people that he could relate too.
So maybe cut her some slack.
She probably figured that you might be interested because its someone you know.
Some day you will be that lonely old person that your kids have no time or patience for.

sgoodroe · 51-55, M

@Adrift My post really had nothing to do with my crazy mother, it was about me and how I choose to deal with people I have no use for

Adrift · 61-69, F

@sgoodroe Your mother is elderly and you will be too someday.
Good luck with that.

val70 · 56-60

I must say that I had some of the same sentiments this week... it's like the world goes mad at times... why should an individual be smiling all the time?.. these so-called modern day societial truths are indeed self-defeating... told my boss once that atleast eighty procent of people can't gather what one thinks nor means even with a smile... that's been proved scientifically

nonsensiclesnail · F

Maybe the issue isn’t that you don’t care but how you aproach the situation. You don’t have to care and still be aware that others feelings matter. Tact is a fantastic skill.

sgoodroe · 51-55, M

@nonsensiclesnail Tact is just a form of pretending

nonsensiclesnail · F

@sgoodroe if you do it wrong.

PatKirby · M

Thank you for speaking up. Somebody had to say it! You don't owe anyone anything. I look at it this way, I dont bother anyone. Now if someone bothers me and doesn't take a hint, all I have to do in this world is be this color (Pat shows you his arm), grow old and die. The only thing the world owes you is air to breathe.

You should hear me complain to customer service! Got my spiel down to a fine art. Preach on brotherman!

JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M

I guess your mother won't be calling to inform you of any more deaths.

Even her own. 🤪

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