Seeking genuine advice or guidance

I've seen this many times! The husband has a fantasy of getting into the swing life. The failure rate is high! The husband or bf sees his woman getting into it, often in a very high state of arousal due to the situation, and he ends up crashing! I've seen grown men sit in the corner an emotional wreck! I've seen them run out of the room and break down crying! Even drag their wifes away from the situation that they didn't want, but we're enjoying. I'd say more than half the time it turns into an emotional mess.

My ex husband and I were in the life for about 10 years.

Often the idea of having more than one partner in a marriage sounds great. Until it is done. Often the husband learns that his wife enjoys it far more than he could ever imagine. You may just want a swinger's lifestyle. Multiple partners. Some basic online research can get you the answers you seek. I do not have a good article handy. Some may include what can I do if I develop feelings for one of my partners? How can I or my spouse deal with jealousy? How often should we communicate about this to each other? Once a week? Only when needed? How do I prevent STDs? Does my partner have the option of saying I cannot have sex with someone I choose? How do we want to treat this exactly as something hidden from our family and friends and work or are we going to be open if asked? So many questions. People will judge you. Going outside your main relationship is not what society supports. Are you getting enough satisfying sex with your spouse? Is this an attempt to "fix" marital problems?

Until you are in the frame of mind to begin enjoying other men, just take your time. I became more interested when the wife of one of our friends told me her husband would like to have me join them and that led to an exciting trio that grew to include him and my husband taking care of her as well as me... if she had not mentioned it, I am not sure my husband could have convinced me..... but all is well as we enjoy sharing

We also wandered through the possibilities before we took the plunge. It turned out great for us. But my suggestion is don’t go there unless you are both 100% sure it’s what you want. That your husband actually wants you to enjoy it, maybe even more than sex with him. We started with playing with other couples. Mostly hand jobs and getting felt up. When we declined to try a MFM threesome it went all the way and when I let go and just concentrated on his cock in me and not what my husband might be thinking it turned out great. So much so that the idea of more than 2 guys fucking me was the new hot topic. Which brought up the who question. I had fantasies about sex with my husbands brother but figured he. Would not be comfortable with that option. When he suggested his brother I had to limit my enthusiasm. But it turned out great and led to several more combinations including one with a bi very horny and well hung young man who gave my husband a great bj while brother in law fucked me. It doesn’t always turn out great but as long as you both realize and are careful with those that join in, it can be great.

My wife of 25 years came with two established sexual relationships which she continued until the death of one partner and health problems with the other. We found the “Lifestyle” very rewarding.

Your husband broached the idea. You said you were shocked when hubby first brought up the idea of another man, given hubby's insecurities. Are you interested in the idea of a MFM, or curious?

It is dangerous, but can be fun. Agree on a set of guidelines before doing anything. Make sure both of you are on the same page as to frequency, potential partners, condom use, permitted acts, and whatever comes to mind.

All depends on the participants
Sounds like you don't want hubby involved

After your MMF would you desire a FFM or FFF etc ?

If he liked you being with the first guy and you enjoyed it the odds are you will enjoy a threesome. Make sure your expectations are on the same.

Go for it, trust me the women get the attention and possibly a big surprise, I love watching my my getting fucked hard and fast , afterwards we have the best sex ever

Two guys? A threesome?? If this keeps progressing you'll end up with a gangbang... 🤔