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How to sing tha Blues..

Most Blues begin with "Woke up this mornin'." It is usually bad to start the Blues with "I got a good woman" unless you stick something mean in the next line.

Example: "I got a good woman with the meanest dog in town."

Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something else that rhymes. Sort of.

Example: "Got me a good woman with the meanest dog in town...oh, yeah!...Got me a good woman with the meanest dog in town. He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and he weigh 'bout 500 pound."

Blues cars are Chevys, Cadillacs, and broke down trucks circa 1957. Other acceptable Blues transportation are a Greyhound bus or a "southbound train." Note: A BMW, Lexus, Mercedes, mini-van, or sport utility vehicle is NOT a Blues car.

"Walkin'" plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does "fixin' to die" and "findin' a good woman."

Teenagers can't sing the Blues. Only adults sing the Blues. Adulthood, when it comes to the Blues, means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

You can have the Blues in New York City or Los Angeles but not in New Haven or Phoenix. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a minor depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues, but Abilene, Mobile, and New Orleans are ok in a pinch.

The following colors do NOT belong in the Blues: antique violet, champagne, mauve, taupe and peach.

Blues is not a matter of color, however Tiger Woods can't sing the blues; Sonny Liston can.

You can't have the Blues in an office building or a shopping mall; the lighting is all wrong. Other bad places for the Blues: Target, gallery openings and the supermarket. Good places for the Blues: a jail house, your mama's back porch, beside the highway, bottom of a rot-gut whiskey glass, or a solitary room in a fleabag hotel.

No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit or anything by Ralph Lauren.
Do you have the right to sing the Blues?

Yes, if:
• your first name is a southern state. Example: Georgia
• you're blind
• you shot a man in Memphis.
No, if:
• you're deaf
• anyone in your family drives a Lotus
• you have a trust fund.
Yanni, Julio Iglesias, and Barbara Streisand may not sing the Blues. Ever.

If you ask for water and your baby gives you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other Blues beverages are:
• malt liquor
• Irish whiskey
• muddy water
• Thunderbird wine
• one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer. At the same time.

Blues beverages are NOT:
• a mai-tai
• a glass of Chardonnay
• a Yoo Hoo (all flavors)

If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is also a Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is NOT a Blues death if you die during a liposuction treatment.

Some Blues Names for women: Sadie, Louise, Bessie, and Baby.
Women's names which are NOT Blues names: Heather, Jennifer, Emily, and Alexandra.

Some Blues Names for men: Joe, Willie, Joe Willie, Hank, and Po' Boy.
Men's names which are NOT Blues names: Geoffrey, Damian, and Keith.

People with names like Sierra or Sequoia will NOT be permitted to sing the Blues, no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

Need a Blues Name? Try this mix and match starter kit:
• name of physical infirmity (Blind, Asthmatic, etc.) or character flaw (Dishonest, Low Down, etc.)
• or substitute name of a fruit (Lemon, Fig, Persimmon); or use first -and- fruit names
• finish with the last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

Examples: Low Down Persimmon Johnson; One-Handed Fig Fillmore.

Need a Blues instrument? Play one or more of the following & alternate with husky voice riffs:
• harmonica
• gih-tar
• fiddle
• sax
• pie-anner (in need of tuning)

Now, you're ready to sing the Blues... unless you own a mobile phone.
Mooed78 · 41-45, F
Sadie! I woke up this mornin, I was the meanest girl in town. I walk-in to my Chevy..as I went to shoot a man in
Memphis 🤣
Mooed78 · 41-45, F
@AdaXI That’s beautiful 😂
AdaXI · 41-45, T
[i]'I never meant to lay him down
In front of a big old crowd
Double barrel shot gun blast to the face
Ohh why? Ohh wwwhy?!!!'[/i]🤷🏼
Mooed78 · 41-45, F
@AdaXI I didn’t realise you’re so musical?
Thanks, great. Made me think of my old guitar teacher down under in Oz (can a digger sing the blues?) who when in despair of me not being able to master a C chord would simply give up and let go, breaking into a wonderful burst of "Hey big mama's" and assorted blues lines, ranging from "dun lost my woman" to "ain't gonna raise my hat no mo", strumming away, bending the strings. With me thinking, hey I'm paying him for this! Happy days. He was a scouser I think, maybe more Newcastle way so maybe a Geordie. I hope he's still alive.
I love blues. It's not like [i]making[/i] music. It's just letting the music [i]out.[/i]
Convivial · 26-30, F
@Mamapolo2016 or telling your tale to music...
KiwiBird · 36-40, F
Much more rewarding to play [c=003BB2]Blues[/c] backwards.

[b]Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.[/b]
Convivial · 26-30, F
@KiwiBird i anyways thought that was country music🤔
KiwiBird · 36-40, F
@Convivial Google doesn't differentiate. 🤣🤣🤣
@KiwiBird With country music, you also reclaim your pickup and house trailer!
Banksy83 · 36-40, M
St Ives blues
Woke up this morning
Woken by screams
Of the people on hearing the news
That the government had banned ice creams
Thats the reason im singing the blues
SunshineGirl · 36-40, F
Terrific 😊 I tried making my own lyrics, but fell at the first hurdle so I guess I'm not cut out for the blues 🤣

- Short-sighted Blueberry Munroe 💖
Convivial · 26-30, F
@SunshineGirl aw shucks lol...a bit of fun, thanks for the inspiration...Muse ;)
SunshineGirl · 36-40, F
@Convivial Made my day! 😊
Convivial · 26-30, F
@SunshineGirl glad you enjoyed it... And it's one mighty fine dress, too!

(Just to be on the safe side🤣)
Ambroseguy80 · 51-55, M
OMG this was [i][b]bad to the bone 🦴 [/b][/i]
KiwiBird · 36-40, F
@Ambroseguy80 Throughly Good.
SadieScott · C
I can’t wait to show this to my Blues lover friends
Slade · 56-60, M
Max41 · 26-30, M
Sky is blue it .
But how can song be blue it ?
Liacheng · 36-40
A concertina also seems to feet the blues theme.
justlooking2023 · 51-55, M
Is working blue different?
You nothing Jon Snow.
I have a pie-anner [b]and[/b] a fiddle ! 😃
Convivial · 26-30, F
@bijouxbroussard yo momma, but has you got da soul?
And i can help yo...i kniw this man in Abilene, it's time here meet his maker
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