Claude DebussyOn this date in 1862, Achille–Claude Debussy, the originator of “musical impressionism,” was born in Saint-Germain-en-Laye, France, the oldest of five children. Becoming a student at the Paris Conservatoire at 11 years old, Debussy went on to win... See More »
God Announces Plans To Slowly Wean Humans Off ReligionTHE HEAVENS—Saying that the various belief systems had a “good run” over the last few millennia but that it was probably time for humans to get by on their own, the Lord Our God, He Who Is Seen And Unseen, proclaimed Monday that He would begin slowl... See More » (+1)
4 Angels Banished From Heaven For Attempting To UnionizeTHE HEAVENS—Describing their behavior as insubordinate and disruptive, heavenly authorities banished four angels from the Kingdom of Eternal Life this week for attempting to unionize, sources from the hereafter reported. “These four hardworking ang... See More » (+1)
God Admits He Rarely ForgivesTHE HEAVENS—Calling into question centuries of religious dogma and commonly held beliefs, the Lord Our God, Creator and Supreme Ruler of the Universe, admitted Tuesday that in actuality it is “extremely rare” for Him to ever forgive an individual.... See More » (+1)
Christ Sues Catholic Church For Unlicensed Use Of His ImageVATICAN CITY—Claiming the religion was infringing upon His personality rights, Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, sued the Catholic Church Friday for alleged unlicensed use of His image. “Today, I have filed a lawsuit against the Roman Catholic... See More » (+1)
Study: Mosquitos More Attracted To People Branded With Mosquito God’s Rune Of PunishmentNEW YORK CITY—Touting the discovery as a breakthrough in understanding the behavioral patterns of the insects, Rockefeller University researchers published a study Friday revealing that mosquitos are more attracted to people branded with the... See More » (+1)
Report: More Souls Deferring Entrance To Heaven For A Year To Backpack Through Spirit RealmASTRAL PLANE—Citing an increased desire to take some time for themselves before joining the great choir invisible, more souls are choosing to defer entrance to Heaven for a year in order to spend time backpacking through the spirit realm, according t... See More »
God Discontinues The PebbleTHE HEAVENS—In an effort to make the universe a more modern and efficient place, the Lord God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, confirmed Wednesday that He would be discontinuing the pebble. “Starting in the year of our Me 2026, I will be ceasing... See More » (+1)
Are you participating in the May Day Strong events?https://www.npr.org/2026/05/01/nx-s1-5805805/may-day-protests-boycott-schools-trump
God Admits He’s A Little Flattered When Someone Kills In His NameHEAVEN—Saying He guessed His love language was just acts of service, the Lord God, He Who Commanded Light To Shine From The Darkness, admitted Tuesday that He is still a little flattered when someone kills in His name. “Yeah, I know, I know—people... See More » (+1)
Easiest way to deal with criticism of your magical based claims?Block 'em and run! Why should you take on the burden of proof?
The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Pope Leo XIVPublished:April 14, 2026 As the first supreme pontiff from the United States, Pope Leo XIV has balanced anti-war and climate advocacy with tending to the diverse spiritual needs of the Catholic Church’s 1.4 billion followers. The Onion sat down... See More » (+1)
