Study: Mosquitos More Attracted To People Branded With Mosquito God’s Rune Of PunishmentNEW YORK CITY—Touting the discovery as a breakthrough in understanding the behavioral patterns of the insects, Rockefeller University researchers published a study Friday revealing that mosquitos are more attracted to people branded with the... See More » (+1)
Report: More Souls Deferring Entrance To Heaven For A Year To Backpack Through Spirit RealmASTRAL PLANE—Citing an increased desire to take some time for themselves before joining the great choir invisible, more souls are choosing to defer entrance to Heaven for a year in order to spend time backpacking through the spirit realm, according t... See More »
God Discontinues The PebbleTHE HEAVENS—In an effort to make the universe a more modern and efficient place, the Lord God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, confirmed Wednesday that He would be discontinuing the pebble. “Starting in the year of our Me 2026, I will be ceasing... See More » (+1)
Are you participating in the May Day Strong events?https://www.npr.org/2026/05/01/nx-s1-5805805/may-day-protests-boycott-schools-trump
God Admits He’s A Little Flattered When Someone Kills In His NameHEAVEN—Saying He guessed His love language was just acts of service, the Lord God, He Who Commanded Light To Shine From The Darkness, admitted Tuesday that He is still a little flattered when someone kills in His name. “Yeah, I know, I know—people... See More » (+1)
Easiest way to deal with criticism of your magical based claims?Block 'em and run! Why should you take on the burden of proof?
The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Pope Leo XIVPublished:April 14, 2026 As the first supreme pontiff from the United States, Pope Leo XIV has balanced anti-war and climate advocacy with tending to the diverse spiritual needs of the Catholic Church’s 1.4 billion followers. The Onion sat down... See More » (+1)
Ancient Scroll Reveals Lost Miracle Of Christ Correctly Guessing People’s WeightsJERUSALEM—Historians confirmed Friday that a recent archaeological find in the Judean Hills is an authentic early Christian scroll, one that depicts the previously unknown miracle of Jesus Christ correctly guessing people’s weights just by looking... See More » (+1)
Jesus Clarifies Return Will Be Strictly Limited To Carpentry BusinessJERUSALEM—In an effort to soften the blow for a human race eagerly awaiting His glorious arrival, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, clarified Monday that His return would be strictly limited to His carpentry business. “While I will soon appear once... See More » (+1)
God Admits He No Longer Loves Humanity But Is Too Afraid To LeaveTHE HEAVENS—Admitting He felt torn between His true feelings and His fear of the unknown, the Lord God Almighty announced Monday that He no longer loved humanity but was too afraid to leave. “Any affection I ever had for the human race is long... See More » (+1)
Happy Darwin DayOn this date in 1809, Charles Robert Darwin was born in England. He prepared for the Church at Cambridge, but his passion was natural history. During his work as a naturalist for nearly five years, starting in 1831 when he was 22, on the HMS Beagle,... See More »
