Tearful God Admits To Kidnapping Humanity 4,000 Years Ago To Raise As Own Children THE HEAVENS—Saying He did not expect the species to forgive Him, a tearful God, Our Lord and long-supposed Heavenly Father, admitted to reporters Tuesday that He kidnapped human beings 4,000 years ago to raise them as His own children. “I’m so sorry...See More »
Born on this date: David HumeOn this date in 1711, David Hume was born in Edinburgh, Scotland. The influential empiricist philosopher was raised by his widowed mother, a strict Calvinist. He entered the University of Edinburgh at age 11 and studied there for three years, after...See More »
Born on this date: William ShakespeareOn this date in 1564, William Shakespeare was born in Stratford-upon-Avon, Warwickshire, England. The master playwright was eulogized by 19th-century agnostic orator Robert Green Ingersoll. In one of his famous lectures, Ingersoll said that when he...See More »
Trump Releases ‘God Bless The USA’ Quran DEARBORN, MI—In an effort to raise money to cover his mounting legal bills, former President Donald Trump announced at a campaign event Friday that he was selling the central religious text of Islam in a special new edition called the “God Bless...See More »
Born on this date: Clarence DarrowOn this date in 1857, Clarence Darrow, later dubbed "Attorney for the Damned" and "the Great Defender," was born in Farmdale, Ohio. For a time he lived in a home that had served as a stop on the Underground Railroad. His father was known as the...See More »
Quotes of people born on this date.Elizabeth Montgomery {1933} “I think of God as the beauty in life. … It’s loving and being loved. It’s feeling good inside because you are living the life of a good person. Maybe it’s a good idea to try to start new ways of looking at the subject.”...See More »
Quotes by people born this date.Patrick Somerville (1979) “And I think because I grew up without any religion I am particularly obsessed with good and evil. Not somehow ‘figuring it out,’ but at least knowing it when I see it. I hate the idea of living my whole life and then dying...See More »
Quotes from people born on this dateThomas Beddoes (1760) “Man created a God, a Heaven and a Hell.” —"Thomas Beddoes M.D. 1760–1808: Chemist, Physician, Democrat" by D.A. Stansfield (2012) George Jacob Holyoake (1817) “Free thought means fearless thought. It is not deterred by...See More »
God To Delete Several Million Humans Due To Inactivity THE HEAVENS—In a statement addressed to individuals at risk of having their access to life on earth permanently revoked, God, the Almighty Creator, confirmed Monday that He would soon delete millions of humans due to inactivity. “To my dear...See More »
Let’s call it ‘the godless particle’ in honor of the late, nonbelieving Peter HiggsPeter Higgs, 94, the Nobelist and physicist who first deduced and proposed the existence of the theoretical field known as the Higgs boson, died Monday at his Edinburgh home. (The Higgs boson gives matter its mass — without which there could be no...See More »
Quotes by people born on this dateSam Harris (1967) “It is time that we admitted that faith is nothing more than the license religious people give one another to keep believing when reasons fail.” —"Letter to a Christian Nation" (Knopf, Sept. 19, 2006) Hugh Hefner (1926) "It’s...See More »
Quotes from people born on this dateArthur Hailey (1920) “"But quite suddenly, as I was reciting the Creed in a church in Cyprus, where we were stationed, I found myself saying 'I don't believe this any more.' I lost my faith and became an agnostic." —Hailey, quoted in The...See More »
Quotes from people born on this date.Mathilde Franziska Giesler Anneke (1817) "Reason, which we recognize as our highest and only law-giver, commands us to be free." —Anneke speech, 1869 Equal Rights Association convention, "History of Woman Suffrage Vol. III" (1886) John Burroughs...See More »
Quotes from persons born on this dateVladimir Pozner Jr. (1934) "As it is known, I am an atheist. I stridently believe there is no God. It's not that I run around shouting, 'There isn't, there isn't' from morning to evening, but I do not hide my convictions." —Pozner interview with...See More »
Born on this date: Eric IdleOn this date in 1943, Eric Idle was born in County Durham, England: “By odd coincidence, I was born on my birthday,” he quips in his memoir, Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (2018). His father died in World War II and his mother sent him away...See More »
New photo of Sagittarius A In case you’ve never heard of it, Sagittarius A* is the supermassive black hole at the center of the Milky Way around 26,000 light-years away from Earth. The new image has captured the magnetic field structures spiraling around the black hole...See More »
Born on this date: Daniel C. DennettOn this date in 1942, philosopher Daniel Clement Dennett III was born in Boston, the son of Ruth Marjorie (née Leck) and Daniel Clement Dennett Jr. He earned his B.A. in philosophy at Harvard in 1963 and his doctorate in philosophy from Oxford in...See More »
Happy birthday Richard DawkinsOn this date in 1941, evolutionary biologist and freethought champion Clinton Richard Dawkins was born in Nairobi, Kenya. His father, Clinton John Dawkins, was an agricultural civil servant in the British Colonial Service and served with the King's...See More »
Born on this date: Matilda Joslyn GageOn this date in 1826, suffragist Matilda Electa Gage (née Joslyn) was born in Cicero, N.Y. Her father was Dr. Hezekiah Joslyn, whose home was a station on the underground railroad and who advocated for abolition of slavery, women's rights,...See More »
God Unveils Plans To Bulldoze Heaven For Luxury Condos THE HEAVENS—Emphasizing His Eternal Kingdom’s infinite supply of prime real estate “just waiting to be developed,” the Lord God Almighty announced plans Monday to bulldoze heaven and build luxury condominiums. “Soon we will begin demolition on the...See More »
Born on this date: Sir Richard F. BurtonOn this date in 1821, Sir Richard Francis Burton was born in Great Britain. The colorful adventurer and explorer, educated at Oxford, served in the army in India, where he began to study languages and Muslim culture. Burton became fluent in nearly 30...See More »
Born on this date: Albert EinsteinOn this date in 1879, Albert Einstein was born in Ulm, Germany, to nonobservant Jewish parents. He attended a Catholic school from age 5 to 8. He completed his Ph.D. at the University of Zurich in 1909. His 1905 paper explaining the photo-electric...See More »
Born on this date: Joseph PriestleyOn this date (under the Old Style calendar) in 1733, chemist and discoverer of oxygen Joseph Priestley was born in Fairhead, England, near Leeds, the oldest of six children. Destined for the ministry, Priestley realized he rejected much of Calvinism...See More »
Born on March 11: Douglas AdamsOn this date in 1952, science fiction/comedy writer Douglas Noel Adams was born in Cambridge, England. He was educated at St. John's College, Cambridge, where he graduated with a B.A. in 1974 and later earned his master's in English literature. Adams...See More »
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