I finally feel relaxed

After we ate dinner, cleaned up and got the kids settled I told Joel I really needed to release.

Star and my buddy sat with the kids and we went to our room.

I've been holding back alot of tics the past few days and I needed to let it go.

I don't like getting to this point. It hurts everything. My whole body hurts from holding them back but there are times I have no choice. I always want to have him with me because when I get to that point I really don't have much control over what I say or do. I need him there to make sure I don't hurt myself. I can't make myself have one but when I just relax and stop holding my tics in it does happen. It's not the preferred way to deal with this but it's the only thing I can do right now. But it feels so much better after it happens. I don't really know how to explain it.

But I was able to get to that point and I feel so much better. My body hurts but that pressure inside is finally calm.

My neurologist would not approve of this either.

It took me a bit to regroup but after that we joined the kids and watched the Royals win and enjoyed the cherry chocolate pizza.

After they went to bed we had a cigar and a little tequila. Now I'm waiting for my sleeping pills to kick in.