Congratulations on seeking help through therapy and medication. I hope that with time you can heal,it's possible. That being said your relationship is toxic. You're not in the mental space where you can be in a romantic relationship without being emotionally and psychologically abusive. The best thing for your boyfriend to do is break up with you,get therapy, take time off of dating and heal. You shouldn't be in a romantic relationship until you've been through enough treatment to where you won't be a danger to others. You know you're abusive by nature and until you get a handle over that you're choosing to traumatize yourself and others. You said therapy is just making you aware of your toxic patterns, that's good. You are leaps and bounds ahead of other people with bpd because you are aware. You don't have to be the worst of the symptoms, you can catch yourself while you're in heightened states and you can adjust accordingly. It's going to take time off of dating in order for you to gain the skills you need to be in a romantic relationship and regulate your emotions. You can either identify as a monster and own the identity of being toxic by nature or you can prioritize healing which will require you to give up dating until you're healthier.

Dont give up on medicine

I have bipolar so I feel a lot of this. BPD is completely curable - just keep sticking with therapy