So I had and still have some big dreams. Like huge dreams.
I don't like risks, mostly because I'm mostly in survival mode, especially these past several years and all I want now is safety, peace, in a cozy corner of the world. Far away from all the drama, cirme and toxicity. A mediocre life. Once I achieve my mediocre life, I might actually focus on my big dreams that are, ultimately, dreams for improvement of society. And hopefully I'll have help from the divine forces In doing this.
Currently, I'm just so stuck in this mode, that I need to take care of me first before I take care of anything else.
As for family and friends, I decided years ago to cut the main sources of toxicity and remove them from my life. For less toxic family, I deal with them with conversations, if I see there is a space for mutual compromise and understanding. We're all toxic in a way. As long as one person is willing to work with you to have a better relationship, then they're okay to keep them around. You don't have to, but you can.
Your self value is very important, and the way you increase it is by treating yourself like you want to be treated. Actually doing good things for yourself. It's very difficult. I'm still struggling with many issues surrounding this. But I've done some pretty amazing things for myself and earned new respects in my head. That gives me the hope I do fight for myself, I do respect my standards, I do want good things to happen in my life and to be surrounded by good people. Because you need to see not only logically that you deserve all the wonderful things, but also you need to feel worthy of receiving that. That's why they say you need to be open to receive the goodies of the Universe.
If you have someone close or someone to show you that you're worthy of more, and make a new level in your mind, that helps too.
But the main thing is, and the most important one, seriously, the cliche, believing in you, that you deserve more. And you do, just people told you crap that destroyed your innate value.
As a child, you knew you are gorgeous, prefect, amazing and worthy of anything you desired. Someone lied to you and brainwashed you out of it and it's up to us now, with tedious, repetitive, intentional effort and actions to prove us wrong.
