OCD is winng

My OCD is still out of control. The nights are the worst. I fall asleep around 11pm and wake up about 45 to a few hours later and clean until the alarm goes off. Then work out, shower and go to work as soon as Star arrives. I take a nap during my lunch break. Come home use the restroom because I can't go at work and spend the evening with the kids once they are in bed I get everything ready for tomorrow. Have my cigar and whiskey and fall asleep. Then it starts over again.

My head hurts daily, my outbursts are horrible and I struggle to eat.

If it wasn't for the kids and dog......

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Coralmist · 41-45, F

I think one idea could be to treat yourself DIRECTLY AND EXACTLY as you would a good friend. So, would you say (your mind subconsciously does for you) to THEM, "You cannot eat today." No way.
So you treat YOU as you would a good friend. Would you say to them, " No you must not use the bathroom"? Nope. So say to yourself, "No worries, use that bathroom!" And, you would never say or make a kind friend clean at night. You would say "You need rest, that will wait ". Those are just tips I have read in books. We cannot hold ourselves to a Double standard. 🦋🍀🌸