Narcissists and forced kindness [I Want To Spread Narcissism Awareness]
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMXRzYa9TOM]
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While the consequences approach does work, it has to be done correctly. For example, you have to directly and specifically tell the narcissist what they did wrong, why it was wrong, and what the consequences are.
A lot of people see these videos and because someone offended them or did something that upset them they (and sometimes anyone who suffers with them) then try to punish the person who hurt them with cruelty. This doesn't do anything to charge the narcissists behavior because the narcissist doesn't know what they did wrong. They just go. Wow. These guys ate6 mean assholes I better go find decent people to hang out with who aren't cruel fuckers. Also if you don't specify what a person is being punished for and why and do so within regulations of the work place or organization, then you aren't actually engaging in behavior correction and will make their behavior worse because they won't know what is going on.
There is also the case of narcissists who victimize their excess or women who didn't want to be with them (I say women because I've never seen it happen to a man) who convince people around their victim that the victim is a narcissist and she is punished by being indirectly harassed "bullied" to try and change her narcissistic behaviour. When it was all lies from the narcissist to begin with.
A lot of people see these videos and because someone offended them or did something that upset them they (and sometimes anyone who suffers with them) then try to punish the person who hurt them with cruelty. This doesn't do anything to charge the narcissists behavior because the narcissist doesn't know what they did wrong. They just go. Wow. These guys ate6 mean assholes I better go find decent people to hang out with who aren't cruel fuckers. Also if you don't specify what a person is being punished for and why and do so within regulations of the work place or organization, then you aren't actually engaging in behavior correction and will make their behavior worse because they won't know what is going on.
There is also the case of narcissists who victimize their excess or women who didn't want to be with them (I say women because I've never seen it happen to a man) who convince people around their victim that the victim is a narcissist and she is punished by being indirectly harassed "bullied" to try and change her narcissistic behaviour. When it was all lies from the narcissist to begin with.
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berangere · 80-89, F
@CleverFunnyNameGoesHere Yes I agree with you that asking the narcissist why he or she behaved the way they did will certainly according to their reaction show you who the narcissist is.I too experienced being labelled as the offender when I went to a marriage guidance therapist at the insistance of my narc husband and in no time he had her eating out of his hand and she was asking me what I was doing to provoque him! He wanted me to see a psychiatrist and I was gaslighted on a daily basis,I worked as a registered nurse and he was envious of my profession because he thought that it made me "better than him" and said "I know you love your job and I am going to make you lose it"how diabolical is that? Had I seen a psychiatrist in the 70's, he would have made sure my employer knew about it and I would have been asked to resign,this is what he had in mind.The marriage guidance therapist saw us individually,then he told me she had said I really needed to see a psychiatrist,as she had not mentioned this to me in our individual session I asked her why she said it,she was taken aback and said she never said such a thing and that HE kept suggesting it,from then on her attitude toward him changed and he would no longer attend the sessions.
Her advice in this one would work well applied here on SW:
- ignore the narcissists. Don't engage with them.
- don't be nice or kind to narcissists or their enablers;
if in an appropriate position of power, call them out on it.
That means flagging every example of their gaslighting and verbal abuse of fellow members on thix site.
- ignore the narcissists. Don't engage with them.
- don't be nice or kind to narcissists or their enablers;
if in an appropriate position of power, call them out on it.
That means flagging every example of their gaslighting and verbal abuse of fellow members on thix site.
Lilliesandlight · 41-45, F
SinlessOnslaught · 26-30, M
Where's that video you posted months ago with the doctor driving while talking about narcissists developing through childhood?
@berangere thank you for sharing your source. But the article you are using is relying on old science (you can see the sources cited are from 2008 through 2014 there is one source from 2017) and the area of the brain they specifically discuss is the area of the brain that is most commonly affected or deformed that causes mental illness or (and this blew my mind when I learned about it) can become deformed due to trauma from ptsd.
Most of these articles I'm sharing are from this year, some are older. But the point I'm trying to make, is that the "differences" to brain structure that some psychologists claim is indicative of narcissism is far more frequently seen in other mental and physical health disorders and can even be caused by emotional trauma.
Using that difference in brain structure to define narcissism, dismisses all the other legitimate handicaps that person may have that could be incorrectly diagnosed as narcissism. Most especially, autism.
resistance or susceptibility to PTSD
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-51727-3
Brain structure and empathy
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7267919/
Awareness (consciousness)
https://www.nature.com/articles/nrn2555
Autism
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2743776/
Processing sensation
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2743776/
Mood disorders
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/10/191030120309.htm
Parkinson's disease
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7390521/
Ptsd changes brain structure
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7352752/#idm140452312782064title
Most of these articles I'm sharing are from this year, some are older. But the point I'm trying to make, is that the "differences" to brain structure that some psychologists claim is indicative of narcissism is far more frequently seen in other mental and physical health disorders and can even be caused by emotional trauma.
Using that difference in brain structure to define narcissism, dismisses all the other legitimate handicaps that person may have that could be incorrectly diagnosed as narcissism. Most especially, autism.
resistance or susceptibility to PTSD
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-51727-3
Brain structure and empathy
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7267919/
Awareness (consciousness)
https://www.nature.com/articles/nrn2555
Autism
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2743776/
Processing sensation
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2743776/
Mood disorders
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/10/191030120309.htm
Parkinson's disease
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7390521/
Ptsd changes brain structure
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7352752/#idm140452312782064title
berangere · 80-89, F
@CleverFunnyNameGoesHere Yes there are different disorders that can result from brain abnormality,but narcissistic personality disorder is one of them.I see that you have good knowledge in that area,you have studied it extentively,but have you yourself suffered from narcissistic abuse? People who do not have experienced it could have clinical knowledge but have not actually gone through the soul destroying experience living with a narcissist can wreck on your life.
@berangere I have extensive professional and personal experience with narcissists. It is devastating. And it does make you wonder if you did something to wrong them and what it could have been that you did wrong when you capitulated in every way they wanted.
It is the narcissist's fault. It really is if they are abusing you.
But I also know that a lot of people are accused of narcissism who are not narcissistic, and instead of treatment for their illness or PTSD they are treated like a monster. And their condition worsens until someone finally makes a correct diagnosis. But the damage to their social lives, their family, their careers is done.
Which sounds like I'm saying "be nice, they didn't know better" what I'm saying is you can't accurately diagnose without absolute honesty with the person accused of narcissism and a lot of medical and psychological testing.
It is the narcissist's fault. It really is if they are abusing you.
But I also know that a lot of people are accused of narcissism who are not narcissistic, and instead of treatment for their illness or PTSD they are treated like a monster. And their condition worsens until someone finally makes a correct diagnosis. But the damage to their social lives, their family, their careers is done.
Which sounds like I'm saying "be nice, they didn't know better" what I'm saying is you can't accurately diagnose without absolute honesty with the person accused of narcissism and a lot of medical and psychological testing.