Narcissists and forced kindness [I Want To Spread Narcissism Awareness]
[media=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMXRzYa9TOM]
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While the consequences approach does work, it has to be done correctly. For example, you have to directly and specifically tell the narcissist what they did wrong, why it was wrong, and what the consequences are.
A lot of people see these videos and because someone offended them or did something that upset them they (and sometimes anyone who suffers with them) then try to punish the person who hurt them with cruelty. This doesn't do anything to charge the narcissists behavior because the narcissist doesn't know what they did wrong. They just go. Wow. These guys ate6 mean assholes I better go find decent people to hang out with who aren't cruel fuckers. Also if you don't specify what a person is being punished for and why and do so within regulations of the work place or organization, then you aren't actually engaging in behavior correction and will make their behavior worse because they won't know what is going on.
There is also the case of narcissists who victimize their excess or women who didn't want to be with them (I say women because I've never seen it happen to a man) who convince people around their victim that the victim is a narcissist and she is punished by being indirectly harassed "bullied" to try and change her narcissistic behaviour. When it was all lies from the narcissist to begin with.
A lot of people see these videos and because someone offended them or did something that upset them they (and sometimes anyone who suffers with them) then try to punish the person who hurt them with cruelty. This doesn't do anything to charge the narcissists behavior because the narcissist doesn't know what they did wrong. They just go. Wow. These guys ate6 mean assholes I better go find decent people to hang out with who aren't cruel fuckers. Also if you don't specify what a person is being punished for and why and do so within regulations of the work place or organization, then you aren't actually engaging in behavior correction and will make their behavior worse because they won't know what is going on.
There is also the case of narcissists who victimize their excess or women who didn't want to be with them (I say women because I've never seen it happen to a man) who convince people around their victim that the victim is a narcissist and she is punished by being indirectly harassed "bullied" to try and change her narcissistic behaviour. When it was all lies from the narcissist to begin with.
berangere · 80-89, F
@CleverFunnyNameGoesHere Sadly one cannot change the narcissist's behaviour,because as you said some don't have the insight to see that they hurt other people,and other in fact know they are hurting others but get a kick out of it.One can never change a narcissist,if confronted about their behaviour the narcissist will go in what is called a narcissistic rage,this is done to stop the person confronting them and also to confuse the issue,nacissists are quite diabolical and the best thing is if possible to totally avoid them,their brains are not wired like ours,they lack empathy and remorse and must win at all costs and I mean at all costs.
@berangere people who get a kick out of hurting others are sadists. While people can be sadistic and narcissistic at the same time, not all narcissists are intentionally cruel.
And the brains not being wired the same as "normal" was debunked years ago. Geniuses (cannot find a reference for this genius thing so that may have been debunked also) also have this "unusual" brain structure and it is more indicative of intelligence and autism (it's a spectrum) than mental illness. I don't know why it keeps getting touted by psychologists with regards to narcissism. I don't remember what the article was called but it was something I had to study in my abnormal psychology class.
A lot of regular stress freak-outs are also misdiagnosed as narcissistic rages. Which is why it is important to make sure that if you choose to confront someone you suspect is a narcissist that you specify what is wrong and why.
But you are absolutely correct that if you can avoid a narcissist, do so.
And the brains not being wired the same as "normal" was debunked years ago. Geniuses (cannot find a reference for this genius thing so that may have been debunked also) also have this "unusual" brain structure and it is more indicative of intelligence and autism (it's a spectrum) than mental illness. I don't know why it keeps getting touted by psychologists with regards to narcissism. I don't remember what the article was called but it was something I had to study in my abnormal psychology class.
A lot of regular stress freak-outs are also misdiagnosed as narcissistic rages. Which is why it is important to make sure that if you choose to confront someone you suspect is a narcissist that you specify what is wrong and why.
But you are absolutely correct that if you can avoid a narcissist, do so.
berangere · 80-89, F
@CleverFunnyNameGoesHere Narcissists can certainly be sadistic.
berangere · 80-89, F
@CleverFunnyNameGoesHere One way to recognise that one is dealing with a narcissist is their lack of compassion and remorse,this is what really gives them away,I would add to this, insane jealousy,deviousness,compulsive lying,lack of responsbility for their action and of course projection.They are toxic in the sense that they destroy lives,as you said there are also other disorders that have those character defects,but it is the total lack of compassion and remorse that clinches it.You can when you confront a narcissist specify what is wrong and why,until you are blue in the face,it will not make any difference as they will turn it all around and accuse you of the same thing turning themselves into the victim,yes may be someone who is not a narcissist but has a problem may listen and agree to mend their way.
@berangere Okay. It doesn't change the fact that you have to try first. Before labeling someone a narcissist someone has to shit down with them and say, "this is what happened. this is what other people say you have done. did you do this? We're you put up to it by someone else? Are you okay? Why did you think this was okay?" It has to be done or you can't ever know for sure that someone is a narcissist.
I say this as a victim of a narcissist. Who has had her life absolutely destroyed by a narcissist. And to this day I don't know why he did it other than he saw someone vulnerable that he could hurt when he didn't get what he wanted.
And yes, narcissists are manipulative. I've lived it. But I'm speaking from a professional (as in, in the work place) perspective or in the diagnoses of narcissism. You cannot unilaterally take the word of "victims" because sometimes the victim is the narcissist turning things around to make the actual victim look like they are the narcissist. Just like you experienced. And it was probably horrible. For some one outside the abusive relationship to determine who is the abuser and who is the victim, they have to work with both of them and set boundaries. The one who follows those boundaries is the victim, the one who doesn't is the abuser.
Like in domestic violence or stalking cases where a woman fled through multiple states and she keeps having problems because the abuser had stalked her and slandered her to whatever community she has moved to. Or cyber stalks her and causes drama for her when she tries to make new friends online.
What you say is true but there is always the possibility of error if the attempt of directly dealing/ communicating with the accused narcissist is not made.
I say this as a victim of a narcissist. Who has had her life absolutely destroyed by a narcissist. And to this day I don't know why he did it other than he saw someone vulnerable that he could hurt when he didn't get what he wanted.
And yes, narcissists are manipulative. I've lived it. But I'm speaking from a professional (as in, in the work place) perspective or in the diagnoses of narcissism. You cannot unilaterally take the word of "victims" because sometimes the victim is the narcissist turning things around to make the actual victim look like they are the narcissist. Just like you experienced. And it was probably horrible. For some one outside the abusive relationship to determine who is the abuser and who is the victim, they have to work with both of them and set boundaries. The one who follows those boundaries is the victim, the one who doesn't is the abuser.
Like in domestic violence or stalking cases where a woman fled through multiple states and she keeps having problems because the abuser had stalked her and slandered her to whatever community she has moved to. Or cyber stalks her and causes drama for her when she tries to make new friends online.
What you say is true but there is always the possibility of error if the attempt of directly dealing/ communicating with the accused narcissist is not made.
berangere · 80-89, F
@CleverFunnyNameGoesHere Yes I agree with you that asking the narcissist why he or she behaved the way they did will certainly according to their reaction show you who the narcissist is.I too experienced being labelled as the offender when I went to a marriage guidance therapist at the insistance of my narc husband and in no time he had her eating out of his hand and she was asking me what I was doing to provoque him! He wanted me to see a psychiatrist and I was gaslighted on a daily basis,I worked as a registered nurse and he was envious of my profession because he thought that it made me "better than him" and said "I know you love your job and I am going to make you lose it"how diabolical is that? Had I seen a psychiatrist in the 70's, he would have made sure my employer knew about it and I would have been asked to resign,this is what he had in mind.The marriage guidance therapist saw us individually,then he told me she had said I really needed to see a psychiatrist,as she had not mentioned this to me in our individual session I asked her why she said it,she was taken aback and said she never said such a thing and that HE kept suggesting it,from then on her attitude toward him changed and he would no longer attend the sessions.