I Battle Depression

@Smileandwave: Wife has ALS and I don't think she will make it to the end of the year. I struggled with depression before she was diagnosed.

@gmatthewb: ohhh...im sorry! Maybe try to enjoy the time you do have together. Very hard situation.

@Smileandwave: I am doing my best. Hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I focus on making her as happy as she can be. Just some times I feel selfish and wish I could be happy too

I think thats normal human behavior.

@Smileandwave: At least I am normal then

Pretty sure u are.

@Smileandwave: Thank you

@gmatthewb Wanting for YOU to be happy is not selfish..how could you make or help another to be happy if YOU are not feeling good ? You must think of you TOO G. I"m sorry about her diagnosis, but be with her every moment, cherish each minute together. That is pure happiness - but don't forget that you Deserve joy too.

@Coralmist Actually it is very easy for me to make others happy or laugh even when I am feeling at my worst. It is just normal for me to put my own feelings aside to cheer someone else up. With my depression, I don't feel that I deserve to be happy. Yet at the same time, I wish I could be. I do not let that get in the way of me making others happy though.

@gmatthewb Same here, I have had anxiety for years... and I am very much a people pleaser.. love to make people laugh. I guess I meant it as how can we really GIVE 'wholly' to another if we don't fill US up too? I struggle with this as well, b/c I feel very very uncomfortable if anything gets 'too' good in my life.. (which doesn't usually happen anyway). But if I feel say, a guy likes me, I immediately close myself off b/c I feel I don't deserve it or joy. :/ I am going to start therapy soon too about it, b/c I know deep down everyone deserves love or someone to be with them, but my subconscious says, 'You've had so much abuse and been so anxious with gusy,how could you think you could do it now?' I want to change that very much b/c it makes me feel inhuman some days. So Never give up on YOU too- you deserve love and joy VERY much. Esp. when you have given so much laughter to your wife :)

@Coralmist I have talked with my wife about this as she wants me to be happy as well. I keep telling her to focus on herself, she has the terminal illness after all. I ask every now and then if my depression is getting in the way of taking care of her the best way I can. She always tells me that I am doing much more for her than she could ever wish. I see that as I am doing all I can for her and my issues are not getting in the way. For me, I feel kind of useless if I am not doing something for someone else to make their lives better. I go out of my way to make others happy at my own expense some times.

First thing that came to my mind when I read what you wrote was...I can relate with how you feel if things get too good in life, and then I thought about how I could do or say something that could make you feel a little better about yourself.

I think I am just hardwired this way.

Thanks for the kind words G.. she is very lucky to have you and you are NEVER useless EVEN if you were not making someone's life better each day. Everyone here has their own way of contributing to another, and you already exceed it :)_ So do not feel BADLY if you want something like joy or even some time for YOU. I wish you the very best and I know you'l get through anything in life- she'll always be with you, too 😉

@Coralmist I do try to remind myself that I am not useless, that is not easy some times as I am sure you could understand. I do get a lot of time for me though as my wife does nap a lot and she doesn't need me all the time. My biggest problem is that as much as I do for her to keep her cheerful, I do wish I had someone to do that for me some times.

Thank you for your wishes.